Are You Strong Enough to Lead from Behind?

October 15th, 2010 - By LaShaun Williams

Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions! Another response to this article has been published here.

Black women have been raised to be strong and independent, to lead not follow and wholeheartedly pursue their ambitions. As a result, we have a generation of successful and independently stable women who need a man for nothing more than intimate companionship. A wise man (my late father) twice told me, women should always have their own and be prepared to step into position if a man loses his way (or drops sense of his responsibilities). From those words I learned to never need a man. But, I also understood my place in relationships.

Earlier this week an article was posted regarding the act of submission and marriage. Due to its historical context, some women find the term condescending. However, it is necessary to have a successful marriage. The black independent woman has a great sense of self and accomplishment, which can sometimes come off as controlling and abrasive. With a track record of making good decisions, it is difficult to relinquish total leadership. Submitting to a man is not to be a docile doormat but to be a supportive partner, to be the pillar on which your man stands.

Men and women were designed to come together as a single team, but a team can only have one captain. As strong women, we have to learn to see the strength in the ability to lead from the behind. We have to see the reward in sometimes cheerleading from the sideline. It takes a special woman to fully submit and allow her man to be a man. We cannot contradict ourselves by asking for a strong man and then trying to control the relationship. If we want to see real men arise, they must be given the responsibility to (metaphorically) walk five steps ahead.

It is easy to be in front of the camera, most of the work goes on behind the scenes. The supporting cast has great responsibility but also exhibits humility. Are you strong enough to sacrifice your pride and be the Indian your chief needs by his side?

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  • Aaron "Ace"

    Why is there so much controversy about this word submit? I for one believe that the ones who have an issue with this word, calling themselves followers of Christ is the one who has the problem & turns what is needed to strengthen a family & a relationship into a problem instead of a solution. This person seems to be more of a follower of Satan who did not want to submit in heaven. Stop & really take a look at any & all who has issues with something that is written in the bible, for real. Then maybe we can find where the bad apple came in at.

    Submission doesn't mean abuse but Satan influences weak people or people with heart issues to think it to be so. Analyze your own hearts & you determine whether you want a family that will stay together & be raised with right morals & values.

  • Cleo

    I am confused Desire…are you saying a woman should submit–according to the dictionary requires diminishment of some sort? Are you saying a woman is a silent or EQUAL partner? Are you saying there is no such thing as CO-Captainship? What I see as the need is a revamping of our conditioning with regard to gender-roles. Patriarchy is not the norm in every society. Matriachy was once the norm except with those cultures considered uncivilized. When and why did it change? Who benefitted from the change? Wishing you Bliss.

    • Hey_jackie19

      It equates to a dance…the woman has her steps, the man has his. The man leads, the woman follows. Both are equally important and you can’t have one without the other.

    • Hey_jackie19

      It equates to a dance…the woman has her steps, the man has his. The man leads, the woman follows. Both are equally important and you can’t have one without the other.

  • Uneek

    How can I ever get to marriage if in my relationship he’s not portraying himself like the Chief/Head/My King. He says a whloe lot of what he want and what he will do in a marriage but right now says one thing and doing another… I was always told what you see is what you get, and some men say what we want to hear… Im so ready to walk beside my husband when he shows up!

  • Lisa

    I agree with Desiree. Marriage is a partnership between equals and the woman’s place is beside, not behind her man.

  • Lisa

    I agree with Desiree. Marriage is a partnership between equals and the woman’s place is beside her man.

  • Desiree Reynolds

    Beside Not Behind…….

  • Taza

    I agree with this article and I am learning to allow my husband to be the captain of our team as designed by God.

  • http://politicallyunapologetic.wordpress.com/ LaShaun Williams

    Not sure what happened to my comment but, it's Ephesians 5:23-25 that reads, "For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…"

  • http://politicallyunapologetic.wordpress.com/ LaShaun Williams

    @sherelle As a Christian I agree with your Biblical perspective on the issue. Ephesians 5:3-25, which is a part of the New Testament, reads,"For the husband is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…" In the church, no one is above Christ and in the home no one is above the husband. He is the leader and head of the household, the captain.

    Symbolically, you could also refer to Adam and Eve. Adam, a man, who was created by God first. Eve, the first woman, was created second from one of his ribs. Ribs play an important role in protection, guarding the heart and lungs. Yet, they are gentle and easily broken. As lungs expand for breathing, the ribs are there to support them. For that same purpose, God created women to be compliments to men. I Corinthians 11:8-9 reads, "For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man."

    A good woman is behind the man who comes full circle. So, in no way does submission diminish her importance. God makes that clear in Proverbs 31:10-31 when he describes the strengths and beauty of virtuous wives.

  • sherelle

    ok in the new testament of the bible it clearly states that submission is mutual that the husband should submit to his wife and the wife should submit to her husband so where do you get this [ban] from not only that but your quote: ''a team can only have one captain'' says who and why does that captain have to be the man?

  • Rozboy

    Submission in a marriage should not be a head-bowed, on -your-knees type of relationship. It is a position where you know your strengths in the relationship, and you support your man through these. For instance, if you are finance-savvy, and he recognizes this, he may bring it home but you manage and maintain it. You provide the Yin to his Yang, and be that spiritual touchstone he needs to face the world.

    Even if you are both working full-time and raising children, you can still cater to the relationship and still look out for you.

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