To Trust Or Not To Trust: Should You Be Concerned If Your Man Is Still Close To His Ex?

6 comments
December 11, 2012 ‐ By Cecily Michelle

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For most women, allowing her man to talk to his ex is a big no-no. Unless they have children together, even the thought of them calling one another causes the urge to lace–up sneakers and put Vaseline on faces. Because after all, they are exes for a reason, meaning all forms of communication and ties should be axed, right? But let’s face it, in the real world, it happens. There are plenty of relationships out there that end in peace and the two involved remain friends. So isn’t it possible that your boyfriend and his old thing can talk on a regular basis with intentions that are strictly platonic?

One of my cousins, Kay, had a situation like this. For years, her boyfriend and his ex had maintained a solid friendship after they ended their romantic connection. They would call each other, text, hang out from time to time, and even attended a few events together where this woman’s new man–and Kay–was present. His whole family knew and liked this young woman, and even my cousin thought she was cool. Every time he hung out with her without Kay around, she always knew about it; when she’d call or ask what he was doing for the evening, he would sometimes tell her, “I’m going out with Shereese.” Or “Shereese and I are meeting to catch up on some things.” But he never failed to ask her if she wanted to come along. He didn’t mind answering Shereese’s calls around my cousin and showing her that everything between them was completely innocent. He did so until their friendship—like their old romance— eventually faded away, being reduced to occasional calls and random check-ins. I say all this to point out that he showed my cousin that everything was cool and that he could be trusted, so their situation involved nothing but peace.

But that’s not the only instance where exes communicate on a friendly level. I know of other situations where people I’m close to share harmless bonds with former flames, but have serious, steady relationships with new people. So, it may be hard for some of you to believe, but it is possible for your man to keep in contact with his ex without any funny business taking place.

Now on the other hand…some of you may need to put a chick in check. For those of you who remember my article “He Say She Just a Friend: 9 Signs That Your Boyfriend’s Relationship With the Opposite Sex Isn’t So Innocent,” you might recall slide number two: “They Had a Past Relationship/Sexual Past.” In this description, I mention how most women don’t just stick around someone they’ve given their bodies to without waiting on or wanting something. If your man’s ex chick shows disrespect, i.e. hawking him down, bugging him and chasing him when he clearly shows her no interest, then it’s time for you to step in strapped with a few cases of your “Don’t get your a** beat” flavored Gatorade ‘cause mama is a little too thirsty. But when your man shows interest back and tries to cover things up, that’s when you need to really be concerned.

If he can’t answer her calls in front of you or seems suspect at the mere mention of her name, something’s not right (hint hint, they’re still smashing). Watch how they interact with each other, how late or how often she calls and how he handles her, then move from there. Because when it all comes down to it, trust plays a huge role in situations like these and some of you should give him that, granted he earns it. After all, they may really just be friends. (Although some of us are even uncomfortable with that. But hey, it’s all on you.) But don’t be a fool. If the signs are in your face, babygirl, please don’t ignore them.

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  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Its really simple, people who still regularly talk to, hang out, spend time with their ex aren’t people that should be on your dating radar. Why even have to go through the show of making sure he’s transparent with his dealings with his ex?

  • pickneychile

    I have a friend who was dating a shady guy. He actually asked her if she would be okay with his ex moving back in with him. That right there is one of the messiest ex situations I’ve ever heard.

  • TRUTH IS

    Ex gives an EXperience, whose time has EXpired, and should EXit from my life…..why is any ex around…which means they arent really finished!!

    • L-Boogie

      Agree.

  • Kaori

    Of course the author’s internalized sexism is showing with the line “Now on the other hand…some of you may need to put a chick in check.”

  • C’mon son

    I went on a date with a guy who told me that he still talked to some of his exes, but I had nothing to worry about because he would NEVER get back with them…but there were some he’d f* again. Delete, delete, delete. The past is the past for a reason. Out of respect for a new relationship and partner you shouldn’t be going out one-on-one with an ex or another woman, or giving that much time to another woman. His ex’s man was with her for events; if your cousin couldn’t attend, why was he with them? To be the third wheel gazing at this woman who, apparently, EVERYONE, including his family, thought was so cool? Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, I guess. Eh, no thanks.

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