‘Hold On To Your Weaves!’ RHOA Episode 6 Recap

December 10, 2012  |  
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Andy Cohen and the Bravo team deserve a round of applause for their casting work because they totally knew what they were doing when they brought on Kenya Moore this season. Every week I watch her antics and think, is this chick for real? And then I quietly shed a tear for single women everywhere who are likely being slapped with the bat ish crazy label just because one thirsty bird can’t go 30 seconds without mentioning the m-word or pushing up on the first semi-attractive man she sees. Unfortunately for the Real Housewives of Atlanta crew, Miss USA’s desperation isn’t limited to the ATL, in fact it only gets worse once she steps out of her element and on to the exotic island of Anguila. Check out the foolishness that popped off between her and the rest of the cast on last night’s episode.

Peter has a man crush

Last night Peter was the epitome of a groupie when he not only convinced his wife to invite Porsha and her husband out to dinner so he could dine with a real-life football player, but he also caught a ‘tude when Cordell didn’t show up and he was forced to eat with two ladies, one being his wife, and no NFLer. The perpetually suspect Peter only had a change in mood when Cynthia invited the Stewarts to vacay with them in Anguilla, and the thirst on Peter’s face when Cordell arrived at the airport was so incredibly real.

“I’m going on vacation with a real-life superstar!” Yes, Peter, and he also puts his pants on one leg at a time just like a real boy. He doesn’t even get that excited about his own wife.

Someone mistakenly thought they were going to get engaged

Someone should have started a tip jar for every marriage reference Kenya made during last night’s episode alone. This chick had the nerve to say maybe someone will get proposed to on this trip while they were getting ready for take-off; then when the crew passed a diamond hotel, she told Walter he needed to be going to the mall that has some actual diamonds in it; and then she went on to tell big Walter style that they should just stay in Anguilla and elope. Why? Because it would relieve the stress of their relationship. What’s hilarious is she’s the only one stressing — all in the name of a ring — which is why she can’t sit still for two seconds without mentioning a wedding and kids. I’m tempted to think that when Walter asked her if she’d taken her meds today when she cried over not having a hot tub, he wasn’t joking.

Phaedra ain’t got time for bacterial vaginosis

I don’t know anyone who really does, but last night Mrs. Parks gave us all a lesson in hot tub safety when she called her OBGYN to school Apollo on the health risks involved with soaking your body in a pool of water with other pepe’s and va jay jays. It’s not often that you walk away from RHOA with knowledge you can actually use so kudos to Phaedra for keeping her honeypot sweet and clean. The real question, though, is are these two really planning on having another baby? Inquiring dunkologists want to know.

Ain’t no shame in Kenya’s game…but there should be

Only a true thirstball would admit this, and that Kenya is, as we witnessed her bounce her 41-year-old I want somebody, anybody to put a ring on it behind around Anguilla. I’m surprised she made it back from the Island because after putting one too many hands on Apollo I thought for sure Kandi’s assumption was going to come true and Phaedra was going to taze the mess out of her. What’s interesting is though the cast newbie has since tried to claim that she has no interest in anybody’s man, she way too proudly proclaimed in her confessional that there is no shame in her game when it comes to flirting with men — available or not. Perhaps she wasn’t familiar with Phaedra’s zero tolerance policy: “You can dance, you can model your shoes, you can show me your cervix, but please don’t put your paws on Apollo.”

Phaedra brings out the donkey booty

Just in case Kenya might have been catching Apollo’s eye, Phaedra reminded him what he has at home with a thong and see-through sarong no-less. A lot of people were mad at Phaedra, thinking what woman of her age and position would roll around in pubvlic like that but I’m not mad at her for bringing out the big buns, er, guns. Sometimes you gotta let a brotha — and a sistah — know what’s up.

Kenya rubs her funky booty against Peter’s genitalia

Phaedra’s words, not mine, but oh so appropriate. I know everyone was caught up in the moment after the island dancers showed the ladies some moves but you know when you’re bouncing it up on your man or someone else’s. The problem is, Kenya doesn’t care. I’m sure her excuse would be, “it was the liquor”  but I’m pretty sure she would have dropped it like it was hot on Peter regardless of how many cocktails she had or not. I guess that’s what you do when your own “man” doesn’t even want you to give him a lapdance.

And Peter is not on it

Unfortunately for Kenya, her booty popping led her to receive a double dose of rejection. Last night she went on Twitter to explain her behavior that night and said:

“No one was touching@PeterThomasRHOA ask him @CynthiaBailey10 wasn’t complaining.#RHOA

Don’t lie Kenya, you had that “look, ma no hands” move down pat and if Cynthia wasn’t complaining, Peter was. He went on Twitter at the same time to say:

I didn’t ask that woman to do that,that was uncomfortable

That’s why I was looking in the other direction the whole time that woman was bend over in front of me

She was bugging all night

The only woman I want is my woman,that’s why I am married to her, love her.

Ouch.

Nene tries to be a lowkey freak on camera

One of the funnier moments of the night was Nene trying to get her undercover freak on. The RHOA vet knows how this thing goes so I don’t know why she thought she would be able to whisper to Gregg and not have the production team overhear, but it was so cute when she asked Gregg if he loved her and then said “Why are you holding back.” Unfortunately Papa Leakes killed the mood when she had to ask that question 12 times and he still didn’t get her point. She wanted some lovin’ fool! If he wants that house key he’s been begging for all season he better get with the program — or at least a hearing aid.

Ultimate jealousy fail

At the end of last night’s episode things somewhat came full circle in the Kenya Moore thirstogy and we sort of understood why she was ready to bust it open for just about anyone on the island, from Apollo to Peter, to the random Filipino man she wanted to convince would make cute babies with a black woman: She wanted to make Walter jealous. Unfortunately for her Walter has adopted the Tommy Strawn philosophy on their relationship — don’t give a damn doooog– and basically had a K. Michelle, zero f**ks given, attitude the entire trip. I mean he choked when she mentioned marriage. The sad part is I don’t think Walter was responding that way because he knew what she was doing, he acted like that because he genuinely doesn’t care. Ain’t no ring in your future baby.

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