Spending More On Your Hair Than You Do Your Past-Due Bills? 10 Signs You’re A Hair Snob

December 26, 2012  |  
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If you’re anything like me, when you can’t make it to the beauty supply store, you might take your chances scanning YouTube reviews before ordering from one of the many online hair vendors just to have some kind of heads up about what you’re getting into. What can I say? I take my sew-ins seriously. But for every legit objective hair review I find, there are at least five around-the-way girls in their momma’s basement talking about beauty supply store hair like it’s so beneath them. You can barely get a cell phone bill in your name, but you’re bragging about spending hundreds of dollars on virgin Remy? Maybe I’m getting old. Below are some signs of hair snobbery at it’s best from the horse hair jokes that accompany Poetic Justice-style braids to clearing your bank account all for that yaki down your back-y. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about finding what works for your personal budget and lifestyle.

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1. You’re too good to buy from the beauty supply for the low-low.

I say this with some hesitation as I watch the Remy I bought online shed in literal clumps every time I finger comb it. I actually bought this hair online, but it’s still beauty supply store quality, if not ten times worse. While I could have dropped big dollars, most of my paychecks were invested in my recent trip to Las Vegas, which was my priority over investing into some Indian woman’s hair. If you want to spend a small fortune on a stranger’s locks, feel free, but don’t talk about beauty supply store hair like it’s beneath you. At the end of the day, none of it’s growing out of our scalp anyway no matter how realistic it looks, and no matter how “high quality” you think it is.

2. You don’t “do” synthetic hair.

Synthetic hair is a hair snob’s kryptonite. They’re more likely to be seen bald.  But hey now, don’t think there isn’t a huge market for synthetic hair. Would I buy some $10 hair for a $100 sew in? Of course not, but if I’m in between styles and want to throw in a quick ponytail for a week, I’ll gladly let Alexander Hamilton represent me at the beauty supply. Just don’t expect it to last forever and PLEASE don’t leave it in to the point where it can create its own twitter profile.

3. If you do subject yourself to the beauty supply, your hair MUST be brought from behind the counter.

You bypass all of the racks of hair so you can specially request hair from the vendor’s secret supply. It’s bad enough you’re buying beauty supply hair, it BETTER be the best they have. Is it me, or is it not that deep? At the end of the day, it’s just hair, and I’ve found plenty of brands that can get the job done without me having to wait for a Korean woman to climb up a 6-foot ladder to present me something like it’s the holy grail. Be open-minded and keep in perspective how long you expect the style to last, as well as your financial limitations.

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4. You spend more on hair than you do on all of your utilities…combined.

Speaking of financial limitations, if you have $400 of hair on your head at any given time, but can’t keep the same Boost mobile number for more than a month, you have some seriously jacked up priorities. I’ll take into consideration a good YouTube review any day. However, how seriously can I take you if you talk about your distaste for Sensationnel and preference for Virgin Remy with a mattress on the floor and no sheets in the background?

5. You maintain your weave more than you do your own hair.

I recently brought some Virgin Indian Remy ONLY because I got a good deal and wanted to see what all of the hype was about. Maybe I’ll be a believer with a completely different stance once it’s installed. In the meantime, all I’ve heard about it is how I have to wash the weave like it’s my own hair, get it dyed if I want some color, etc. The point of me wearing weaves is for LESS maintenance. Just because you may have bought a batch of Remy doesn’t mean you can’t consider beauty supply store hair if your pockets ever come to a point where they aren’t exactly popping. You shouldn’t be defaulting on student loans because you’re trying to maintain an illusion.

6. You’re quick to point out a peek-a-boo track or new growth on someone else.

All weaves aren’t created equally, but it you’re obsessing over how shiny some girl’s hair is or an exposed track, you need a life, seriously. I will never understand why black women are so obsessed with what another sister is doing with her hair. Friends don’t let friends rock bad weaves, but if you’re not a friend at all, but a judgmental stranger, leave that girl alone! Besides, at the end of the day, there are more important things in life to stage interventions over.

7. You obsess about shedding and tangling like a maniac.

That real hair appearance that you’re trying to achieve will shed and tangle just like your real hair does. A few strands each time you comb is normal. These self-proclaimed YouTube gurus act like a few strands of hair on the floor equals a bad brand. All hair sheds and tangles. It shouldn’t look like the floor of a hair salon, but hopefully you have more to do than worry about sealing wefts, and holding every strand up to your laptop camera pressed to the palm of your hand.

8. You spend too much time trying to get the hair of someone else.

Since Virgin Remy hair descended from the heavens, chicks on Youtube will have you thinking it is the holy messiah of manes and worshiping any other will buy you a first classic ticket to hair hell. But in my personal opinion, every look isn’t great on everybody. If I see one more “Kim Kardashian” inspired hair or makeup tutorial, I am going to hang myself with Kanekalon fiber. Kim Kardashian doesn’t even look like Kim Kardashian at this point. There’s a big bright world of curly afros, box braids, Senegalese twists, and cornrows out there. Do what works for you.

 

 

9. Your motto is, “If you’re not dropping a stack, your hair will be jacked.”

Just because a third of your paycheck went to getting your installation at some fancy salon doesn’t mean it will look any better than a style created in Shaquita’s Basement Beauty Shop. Weave is one part product and three parts talent, including styling and professional installation. Just because a shop offers you organic tea and a massage while you’re getting your hair tossed doesn’t mean the stylist knows what he/she is doing. Sometimes the best weaves come in humble packages.

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10. You assume that hair extensions = self-hate issues.

There are plenty of hair articles that go into detail about all of the insecurities of natural hair snobs, but I will just say that liking to wear weaves doesn’t mean you want to be European or have self-hate issues. It could mean you’re a lot like me: Lazy with little patience to thoroughly devote to hair maintenance and you get bored easily. Just because you’re rocking a mini fro doesn’t mean you’re an Angela Davis in the making with unquestionable allegiance to black culture. True sistas understand solidarity and the importance of embracing the diversity of black beauty inside and out.

Do you take your sew-in’s this seriously?

Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog Bullets and Blessings .

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