It Must Be Your Looks ‘Cuz It Ain’t Your Smarts: Celebs Who Have More Beauty Than Brains

December 10, 2012  |  
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They say you can’t trust a big butt and a smile, but what about a big butt with a smile and no brains to go with it? Looks will get you far in Hollywood — very far actually — but there’s still something a little unnerving about people with all this money, power, and fame, and no good common sense or even book smarts to go with it. We’re not mad at these marginally clueless celebs, we’re just saying…

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She’s lost the baby weight and she looks great. But Kimbella is giving dumb blonde a whole new meaning for black women. She’s done a lot to support people’s assumptions that she’s just a vapid model. But get this, she told Sister to Sister that she has a Master’s Degree. I’m going to need to see that sheet of paper because I don’t believe it.

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Porsha Stewart

Porsha Stewart hasn’t been on the Real Housewives of Atlanta for very long, but it’s already clear that she’s kind of dingy. At the end of the day, she can say at least she’s pretty — even if she thinks there are only 265 days in a year.

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Bey isn’t dumb, but if you have to be smart to be a good actress, a low IQ would explain a lot. Truthfully,I never would have stopped to think about Beyonce’s brains before Wendy Williams put her on blast and said she sounds like she has a 5th grade education — except for that tragic Larry King interview a few years back. I’ll be sure to put the Closed Captioning on when I check out her new documentary.

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Jessica Simpson

This is a list of celebs who have more beauty than brains and we all know that Jessica Simpson qualifies if she’s dumb enough to think Buffalo wings come from Buffalos. Thankfully, her clothing and shoe lines are helping to make up for some of her mental deficiencies, but we’ll never forget her confusion over tuna really being chicken of the sea.

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We didn’t know Tyrese was dumb until he started Tweeting. Publicly sharing your thoughts isn’t for everybody. Here’s just one of his most nonsensical Twitter gems:

If you’re not already following Tyrese on Twitter, you should @Tyrese and get some “wisdom” from the “Vision Implementer”. Or, better yet, try this hilarious parody page @TyreseWisdoms by some dude who calls himself Black Charmander. Lol. Now I can’t get the image of Tyrese jumping out of a Poke Ball out of my head.

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Eva Pigford

Eva Pigford is drop dead gorgeous. When she made her TV debut on America’s Next Top Model I remember thinking, “this girl is going to go far”. But that never really happened for Eva. She bounced around a few straight-to-TV movies and a few guest appearances and that was it. And I’m starting to think it’s because she’s not very bright. I’ve been watching Girlfriend Confidential and Eva is silly, dingy and refuses to follow her agent’s advice. Looks like beauty by itself can only take you so far.

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Gwenyth Paltrow

Gwenyth Paltrow is my favorite beautiful dummy because she’s both pretentious and dumb. If you haven’t checked out her blog GOOP, you have to. It’s about as brilliant as you would expect from someone that named their baby Apple. She gives incorrect medical advice like “I am convinced that it is possible by eating biological foods to prevent a tumor.” And she says unbelievably pretentious things like “I would rather die before I let myself eat Cup-A-Soup.”

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Shaq may be big and hot — to some — but he’s not the brightest lightbulb in the box. When he said “Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem: there is no answer!” many thought he was using words that he didn’t understand but since he’s recently earned a PhD, it’s come to be understood that he’s book smart with no common sense — hence his romantic history and conflicts on the court. Why don’t you stick to playing basketball and dating Flava Flav’s cast offs?

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Kim K.

Kim is just about as beautiful as she is dumb. But even though some of us find Keeping Up With The Kardashians painful to watch, her string of A-List boyfriends prove that people aren’t really concerned with what’s coming out of Kim Kardashian’s mouth. But she has been smart enough to keep herself relevant despite not having anything to contribute to society besides a big behind. Maybe she has publicity smarts, just not book smarts.

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Stacey Dash

You know why Stacey Dash made it on the list. As a black woman, she can’t have too many brain cells to rub together if she endorsed Mitt Romney. He is a member of a religion that believes that black skin is the mark of the devil. The Mormon Church didn’t allow black people to join until 1978. And they only did it then because they would lose their tax-exempt status if they didn’t. That’s dumb Stacey. Just dumb.

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Nicki Minaj is so dumb even her rap battles are stupid. She called Lil’ Kim a Stupid Hoe. Then Lil’ Kim called her a stupid hoe back. It’s all those goofballs could think of. But Nicki Minaj is on my list for the same reason Stacey found her way there: endorsing Romney. She said that she was voting for the Mormon candidate because “b—–s are messing up the economy”. She may have just been joking but I’d still appreciate it if someone would turn her microphone off.

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Draya Michelle

Draya Michelle is a classic example of a woman who puts too much emphasis on her looks and not enough on having good sense. Need an example? Just check out her Twitter page. When she’s not yapping at women she thinks may be after her man, she’s making dumb decisions that will effect her career: like walking off of the King Magazine shoot, throwing shades on her fellow cast members and generally making sure that her 15 minutes of fame don’t last very long.

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Chris Brown belongs here for this Tweet alone:

Maybe Breezy and Porsha went to the same school. Add Breezy’s dumb tweets to the fact that he’s dumb enough to let his temper get in the way of his millions, then you have an attractive man who has more than earned his place on this list.

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Tyson Beckford is the kind of beautiful, dumb model that journalists love. Every time he gives an interview, he gets caught out there talking trash. First it was about Tyra. And now this is what he had to say about his current girlfriend:

“When I found her (Shanina Shaik) she was a regular girl. I helped place her with the right people, get her teeth cleaned, her body toned up. Everything changed and now everyone wants a piece of her. I hear people say, ‘You can do better than Tyson.’ I’m like, ‘Really? Really?! I created her!’

You have to be working with limited intelligence to say that about someone that you’re coming home to later. Needless to say they’re not together anymore. Now Tyson is using his limited brain power to find his way back to fame via a sex tape. Maybe someone should tell him that a) that’s old and b) releasing a sex tape only works for women.

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Do you ever sit back and dream about what you’d do if you made it big enough to have millions of dollars at your disposal? Well if you’re dumb and beautiful like Allen Iverson, you’d spend it all recklessly and end up just as broke and busted as you were before. According to TMZ, Allen makes just $64,000 per month but spends $350,000 per month. He’s not even smart enough to hire someone to do the simple math for him. Soon he’ll only have his good looks to rely on.

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