True Life: I Can [Or Can't] Have Casual Sex

29 comments
December 6, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire
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The assumption is that women are emotional creatures who can’t possibly separate feelings from the physical act of sex. We know that that’s not necessarily true, so we checked in with our Facebook friends to see what they say to say about the topic, whether or not they can successfully engage in casual sex and when they realized they could or couldn’t do it.

Rolanda: When I got older and “needed” to release tension. No harm no foul as long as both parties are ok then it should not be an issue

DaGeneral: I am not able to have casual sex. I realized this in 2006 after casually dating throughout college. For me, vajayjay is a prize to be awarded to someone extraordinary. And most are just ordinary.

Lourdes: I can do no problem I learned that sex and emotions are two different things in my late 20’s I’m 41 now.

Natalie: Casual sex=casual STD’S, and drama. I am too valuable to jump from random to random. Single and not having sex till my king finds me and puts a ring on it. LADIES KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Willona: I use to be, before my son was born. I didn’t care but now I don’t want him thinking its ok to have casual sex and there are too many things going on today. Not all men are honest about being single or wanting to casually date. Also there are a lot of DL brothers.

Janell: just because you have “casual sex” dont mean you doing it with everybody catching everything….and don’t know your worth!!! get off your high horses seriously…to each his/ HER own!

Yolanda: To each her own but I grew up knowing, believing and understanding that my body was God’s temple and not a donut shop! Casual sex, never had the urge. I was always too busy elevating my life’s worth and enjoying all of the other blessings which were STD risk free! IJS.

Sharon: What Rolanda said. After my divorce — sex with a dude I knew for some time. I wanted to feel Hot and desirable. He went to work on my body! Yes sir!!

Nakina: ust the word “casual” sex, makes me think as women, we should not be having just casual sex anyway. Our body is a jewel and to me when your sleeping with casual people you are allowing men to put all their, issues, drama, inside you. In other words, u are allowing them to deposit “garbage” all up in you, when it’s casual b/c u don’t know them well. Honestly, I can’t do it! Im a woman of sensitivity, love and I would get attached to easily. To me sex is to be shared between two people who love each other. So how can u not get attached, women who have casual sex with no emotions, I think maybe, lacking some kind of emotions

Satheriea: Come’on its approaching 2013. I can/will & have made a consecious decision to have casual sex with someone. It’s just that ! casual sex. As long as I know it and so does he, for most older women it may have NOTHING to do with” self worth” or insecurities but EVERYTHING to do with taking care of an immediate need that does not have to be followed up on.

Derricka: I’ve tried it and even though I had a good time , emotionally I’m not built for it. None of us are, for real. It takes some serious in securities to keep that kind of a relationship going.

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  • Pingback: Is casual sex REALLY casual? | NAJLA ARRINGTON

  • Hmmmmm

    I’m at a crossroads on that one. As a sorta-widow/single mom (sudden passing months before our nuptials); I hear the shards of my broken heart clanging against my ribs. I can’t give what’s broken to someone new. So I called myself being a playa/cougar and unfortunately have found myself ‘catchin feelings’ against all bets and promises to myself (and him) not to. He’s (predictably) pulling away, and I’m (you guessed it!) kinda depressed. I guess with 2012 almost being over with; I oughtta just opt for SERIOUS CELIBACY, huh? Have you ever tried sleepin with a broken heart? There actually AINT much sleepin involved at night. :( But I realize that I should just hold out for another man who can love (damaged a$$) Me enough to ‘put a ring on it’ so that the feelings God created me to feel along with such intimate acts won’t have me up at 2 am on a website venting….

    • Kath

      Most beautiful and insightful comment, interestingly.

  • Elaine

    I’m rather shocked over how the responses here polarize the issue of casual vs. “emotional” sex. Ladies, the two are neither mutually exclusive nor at opposite ends of the spectrum. Just as a woman grows and changes throughout her life, so do her priorities and sexual needs. Believe it or not, the same woman is capable of both at different stages of her life. I’ve had my fair share of both and my desire to have casual sex didn’t “cheapen” my sex life with someone I have deeper feelings for. So demonizing women who have casual sex seems rather near-sighted.

    In either case, all that matters is consent, communication and adequate protection.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    Sex wasn’t created for casual purposes. People have misused this God-given gift.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    This is why we have the epic babymomma/daddy phenomenon. Casual fycking leads to oopsie babies. I wouldn’t have a problem with grown people doing whatever they want with their body parts IF they protected themselves and took a concerted effort to make sure they didn’t bring any innocents into their messy situation.

  • kb

    As you get older casual sex is not a big deal. In my 20s , I would have never done it but it my 30s I have no problem w/it.

  • chanela

    NOPE! i think about things a lot and my main thought is about all the consequences. everytime you have sex with someone you can potentially get pregnant or catch a disease. so if you jump in bed with a stranger just think to yourself, would i be okay with this man being the potential father of my child? because condoms aren’t magical. things can still happen.

    either way someone’s life is going to be ruined #1 the mother’s if she keeps the baby #2 the man for having to pay child support for someone he didn’t even like or care about and #3 the child won’t grow up with a father or it would be aborted or given up for adoption.

    there is wayy too much at stake for me to have sex with somebody i’m not committed to. sorry if i seem like a prude to the rest of the world but no ma’am i refuse to be another damn statistic simply because of my urges.

  • chanela

    NOPE! i think about things a lot and my main thought is about all the consequences. everytime you have sex with someone you can potentially get pregnant or catch a disease. so if you jump in bed with a stranger just think to yourself, would i be okay with this man being the potential father of my child? because condoms aren’t magical. things can still happen.

    either way someone’s life is going to be ruined #1 the mother’s if she keeps the baby #2 the man for having to pay child support for someone he didn’t even like or care about and #3 the child won’t grow up with a father or it would be aborted or given up for adoption.

    there is wayy too much at stake for me to have sex with somebody i’m not committed to. sorry if i seem like a prude to the rest of the world but no ma’am i refuse to be another damn statistic simply because of my urges.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    Sex with someone you love is great. Sex with a casual person can also be great. It just all depends on where you are mentally and emotionally.

  • BS2012

    some of yall who are saying that women must have some kind of “issues” or “insecurities” really need to STFU!!! If the female can, thats something that she can “emotionally” & “mentally” handle. It just means that YOU can’t. Don’t knock someone b/c they can. I’m 29 & can easily do it. I learned at 19 how to do it after a casual sex relationship w/ a guy went bad b/c I didn’t know the RULES of the game. After I learned, it was nothing. At the same time, I know how to fully put all my emotions and feelings into sex w/ a guy that I care & love. And there is a difference in sex w/ me w/ a guy I’m just having casual sex w/ and a guy that I’m a relationship w/.And I’m ok w/ that. Some woman just don’t know how to play the game so they don’t need to be playing it & thats fine. But don’t knock they women who do.

    • ………..

      Thank you…we are not all cut from the same cloth

    • chanela

      ok then for the women that do, they need to quit crying about their no good baby daddies because that is the result of messing around.if you get pregnant and end up on welfare or whatever. that’s what you get for playing with nature.

    • chanela

      ok then for the women that do, they need to quit crying about their no good baby daddies because that is the result of messing around.if you get pregnant and end up on welfare or whatever. that’s what you get for playing with nature.

    • littleoleme

      The game? I’m not interested in any games. Those are rules I don’t want to learn. But to each the own. Do you

      • littleoleme

        *their

      • littleoleme

        *their

      • pretty1908

        play the game? wow these are people’s lives so im with you.. I am not interested in playing the game. Im over that.

    • littleoleme

      The game? I’m not interested in any games. Those are rules I don’t want to learn. But to each the own. Do you

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      There shouldn’t be any “games” when it comes to your body. If you are thinking of it as a game just remember someone always has to lose. Are you willing to pay that price if its you?

  • Cherrelle M.

    I have done casual sex but it’s not for me. When I made love to someone who loved me as much as I loved them the first time, it was a like a high that never came down. May sound odd to some but there is a spiritual element to making love to the person who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. There is something about having a real intimate connection with a true life partner. And while I understand the need to release sexual tension, occasional lay could never be a real substitute for a real love making experience.

  • http://twitter.com/bagaybon Bagay Bon

    I can’t believe I’m reading this right now.
    I’ve just relieved a 39 year old divorce lady from the stress of not getting anything in a long time. She’s a good friend

  • Melissa

    Sounds like a lot of these women screaming YES have issues with men that they haven’t healed from. “He did it to me, so I’m gonna do it to every guy I meet” is a recipe for disaster, not freedom. It’s obvious they still have emotions connected to a guy they slept with in the past, or else they wouldn’t still be bringing it up and making the next man pay for it if he “catches feelings”. I’m JUST saying.

    • pretty1908

      I was just discussing this with a friend. We said casual sex is so passe’. We can get furfillment in other areas of life. I am not pledging celibacy, but I am looking out for my best interest and sex without any emotion and committment is so undergrad to me.

  • Candacey Doris

    No. Not my thing.

  • Kaori

    Yes, I can. I wouldn’t now as an adult because I don’t care to, but I did a few times as a teenager.

  • Dee

    I think sex was meant to come with emotion. Sharing that space and time with someone is meant to be special.when you lay with someone your spirts become one. Why not share it with someone special. You know?

  • ………………….

    When they say casual sex do they mean …sex with someone you have just met or don’t know..or do they mean sex with someone you are not in a relationship with….if it means having sex while not in a monogamous relationship..then i have no problem with that.

  • sabrina

    NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NO THANK YOU, SIR!