Ain’t No Way Around It: Crappy Things That Happen To All Single Girls Eventually

December 7, 2012  |  
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Next time you’re cursing men, ignoring calls from your mom who will just ask why you’re not out on a date, and brushing off your shoulders while trying to stay positive after another humiliating and/or horrifying experience in the world of dating, just take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. These crappy things happen to just about every single woman at some point. Think we’re lying? Just check this list of stuff all the single ladies go through.

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He seems SO into you and then he doesn’t call

You meet a guy one night, spend the entire night talking, you have his undivided attention, he tells you how happy he is to have met you, maybe takes you to a cute after-hours meal at a diner when the bars close and then…you never hear from him again. Some guys get caught up in the moment of being Casanova, because it is fun in the moment, but the next morning wake up and realize, “Crap! I set up a lot of expectations after a night like that!” and wimp out.

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He has a girlfriend, but doesn’t act like it

The previously mentioned scenario happens and then you find out he had a girlfriend the whole time! Some guys just like attention, plain and simple. And if they’ve been in a relationship for a while, they love to be new and exciting to a different girl for the night. That’s right: you got used.

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Everything seems great, and he stops calling

You’re seeing each other pretty regularly. You’re still not at the point of being boyfriend and girlfriend, but it feels like you’re just there, and then he stops calling. Well, there’s the problem (or at least it was for him)—you were just there, at the point of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Usually men don’t realize things are going that direction until they’re literally one step away from it. And then they realize that’s not what they want. It’s not a coincidence he dropped out just when things were getting serious. It’s the reason he dropped out.

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He becomes mean when he’s stressed

A guy treats you like a total princess, planning dates with you almost every night, bringing you soup when you’re sick, helping you paint your new apartment and then he turns into a monster. He is short with you when you call. He makes you feel like a nuisance when you ask to see him. And he usually says something like, “I’m really busy with work right now.” There’s a reason that guy’s not in a relationship: he doesn’t know how to balance real life and love. He’s the image of perfection when his life is also the image of perfection, but when one thing stresses him out he takes it all out on the woman in his life.

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He’s the perfect boyfriend for a week

This is just an extended version of the guy who charms you for one night and never calls; he likes seeing himself as a romantic for a little. It’s fun like a newfound hobby. He prides himself on these cute dates he is planning for you, and what a great boyfriend he is being. And then one day he realizes, “Oh no! Now I have to do this forever…!” and backs out.

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He gets multiple digits

It’s a depressing, ego-deflating experience and it happens to any bar-frequenting single gal: you totally hit it off with a guy, give him your number, and see him getting another girl’s number later that evening. It’s just the reality of the, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” mindset.

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He disappears after sex

It’s the oldest trick in the book: a guy acts like he is head over heels for your personality, your intellect, your wit, your soul. And then once he gets you into bed, somehow he forgets about all those other traits of yours that he claimed to like so much. He wants nothing more to do with you.

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He’s into your friend

Face it: guys can be dogs. When they see a really hot girl, are they going to think, “It would be so inappropriate for me to hit on her when I’m already dating her friend. Plus I would potentially sabotage their friendship. Plus what do I really know about her other than she’s just a hot chick? She could be totally dull, meanwhile I already have an established connection with this girl I’m here with”? Of course not! They just think, “HOT CHICK HOT CHICK HOT CHICK!” Your date who you were connecting with might start hitting on your friend. And it will hurt.

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He’s there when it’s convenient

Every single gal eventually gets strung along by the guy who takes days to text back, and suddenly wants to see her at 11 pm when he’s drunk on the weekends — and wants her to drive to him. But he’ll be so sweet and charming and affectionate on those rare occasions they are together that the girl will let herself be trapped in this game for months.

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A nice guy turns sleazy

It may be a guy at a bar, or on a date, or someone you meet online, but you’ll encounter a guy who seems like he’s totally looking for a relationship, who engages you in intimate and deep conversation, who really takes the time to get to know you and then, randomly, will turn the sleaze button on you and treat you like a piece of meat, obsessing over getting you into bed. And you’re just thinking, “Whyyyyy?! You were doing so well! Don’t ruin this!”

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A cute guy turns creepy

After a while in the cold and turbulent world of jerks who never call, or ask for another girl’s number in front of you, or hit on your friend, it can be a nice change of pace to meet a guy who swoons over you. A guy who texts you sweet nothings all day long, and plans picture-perfect dates. It can be such a nice change of pace, that you often don’t realize until it’s too late that this guy has crossed the line from cute to creepy, and wants to move in with you after one month and is totally controlling and says I love you on the fourth date.

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You get used

At some point, a guy you were always really into but who ignored you will suddenly want to see you. He’ll pursue and pursue. He’ll ask you on a date. He’ll take you home. And somehow, perhaps through the grapevine or the fact that he ignores you after sleeping with you, you find out it was all because he just got dumped or fired or in some way needed an ego boost. And you served that purpose.

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He needs to drink to like you

Since singles do spend a lot of time out on the town, your flirtations and chemistry with guys will often be alcohol-induced. But there will be some guys with whom it is completely alcohol induced. There will be a guy who, when he is drunk, is all about you, is talkative, is witty, is confident but during that hour or so before people get drunk, he is shy, stays away from you and pretends not to know you.

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You’re made the surrogate girlfriend

Some guy who is lonely, or getting over a breakup, or doesn’t really want a girlfriend, will turn you into his surrogate girlfriend. He’ll be a friend (who you probably would like to be more than friends with) who asks you to shop at Target with him, who brings you as his plus one to events, who holds your hand walking down the street, and who will never actually cross the line from friend to more than friend with you.

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