How Do Africans Kiss? Black Folk, Tongue Kissing & Love

December 4, 2012  |  


As a girl, I was a bit boy crazy. And being the innocent, girl child that I was, my deepest fantasies about the boys I pined over, had to do with kissing. Everything from the bodies being pressed together, from the lip smacking to the tongue insertion fascinated me. Even though my mom had schooled me on what sex was and I had peeked at a couple of movies involving “sex scenes,” kissing was what sent twinges of excitement, curiosity and arousal all over my body. Kissing was the ultimate. I was all about it.

So imagine my shock and surprise when I learned that my own mother didn’t like to kiss! Now, I’d seen my parents kiss each other all the time, but it was never more than a peck and I just assumed they did their heavy making out in their bedroom. (I was fascinated by kissing but my parents tonguing each other down was not something I wanted to see…at all.) My mother’s admission scared me a little bit honestly. If she didn’t like to kiss what did that mean for me? Did that mean I wouldn’t like it either? Terrifying!

Eventually, it dawned on me that I come from two people, my father might like kissing.The more I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. After all, there were countless times when I’d see my mom lean in for a peck and my dad would quickly stick his tongue out in an attempt to lick her face, ear or whatever he could reach before she pulled away. My mom would squeal in mock protest and wipe her face in mock disgust, all while my dad laughed at his trickery. Well, my dad wasn’t in the room at the time, so I just asked my mom, “Does Daddy like to kiss?” She chuckled slightly before saying, “Oh gurl, he loves it! I remember when we kissed on our wedding day, he made sure to stick his tongue in my mouth because he just knew I wouldn’t pull away from him, in front of all those people.”


Maybe that meant there was still hope for me. That maybe I’d inherit my appetite for kissing from my dad instead of my mom. I could.not.wait to find out. But unfortunately, wait is exactly what I would have to do. I didn’t have my first real, for real kiss until I was eighteen. And on that night I learned that I was little bit like both of my parents, actually.

We, homeboy and myself, were at the playground across the street from my housing addition. It was the summer, just a few days before he would go back to college and a week before I would head away to school for the first time. So it had to be tonight. Eventually, we found ourselves seated on some piece of playground equipment, talking about how much we’d miss each other, when he started leaning in. My mind was running a mile a minute, Aww shoot, this is it! Thank God I brushed my teeth before I came out here. This is finally about to happen! But once his lips touched mine, I learned that my mind and body were not on the same accord, and I jumped back. To this day, I still can’t explain why I did that. I don’t know whether I was scared, too excited or what. I apologized and he tried again. Again, I jumped back. Dangit! What was going on?! I had literally waited most of my life for this and now that the time was upon us, I was chickening all the way out. By this time, I’m sure homeboy was completely over it. But I was determined that this was going to happen, tonight. So after some mild begging, I convinced him to try again, that I wouldn’t pull away this time. Fortunately, I was able to keep my word. There was the electrifying moment of our lips touching and then…the tongue. For a moment, I panicked. My eyes still wide open, I asked myself Can I still breathe? Yes I have my nose. Do I like this? I looked at his face, with his eyes closed and his head moving slightly, he seemed to be enjoying himself. The verdict was still out for me.

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  • giggles

    welp! i guess it explains why our (african) juicy lips are still there (and still juicy)! lol. lack of action! french people seem to have the thinnest lips….all that tonguing down done thinned ’em out mayne! 😛

  • kierah

    I went out with a cute guy from FL. I couldn’t wait to kiss him at the end of our wonderful first date. Our lips met softly, then he stuck his tongue in my mouth, and…just left it there. He didn’t move it or anything. Soooooo gross!!

  • African Babe

    It is a culture thingy I guess. For an average African kissing has no role in a relationship. Sex is such a taboo. It is not for pleasure but making babies.

  • I am a young black woman from Paris and now I live in San Francisco. I’ve dated, African, Carribean and African American men. The best kisser of all was African-American. Hell yeah!!!

  • Candacey Doris

    I love kissing. Not being able to kiss someone is one sucky thing about being single.

  • pickneychile

    I love kissing my husband, and thankfully before him I didn’t have deal with too many terrible kissers. But I do remember kissing a Nigerian guy back in college and he definitely wasn’t good. I never thought of the cultural difference as a factor, but he was biting the heck out of my bottom lip like it was a chicken wing! It was… interesting lol. Maybe he wasn’t used to it.

    • Tee

      That’s so interesting, both of my parents are from Nigeria and I never saw them be affectionate with each other growing up (but I thought that was because they really didn’t like each other), maybe it is a cultural thing, but it is hard for me to believe that all Africans or West Africans are the same way. I was born and raised in the US and enjoy French Kissing. Very interesting observation

  • L-Boogie

    Kiss – dammit.

  • Georges

    You guys should start a dating service,i wanna date a woman who read MN

  • I love to kiss especially French Kiss, I see nothing wrong with it

  • On_Point

    My bf loves using his tongue to kiss me, but i just can’t. It feels all slimy and slightly rough wiggling all around my mouth and rubbing against my tongue exchanging saliva…ugh never was into french kissing with any of my pass exes. I like kissing, don’t get me wrong, but i have to be really turned on and in the middle of love making for french kissing to not be an issue with me,

  • Anonymous

    I recently kissed someone, closed mouth but long and lingering, and I got so weak in his arms. I felt like I was going to pass out. I can only explain it as a dizziness followed by that feeling like you got hit over the head and the birds are floating up above. I have never felt anything like that before. .. wonder what it could mean.

    • Ms_Mara

      Damn, does he have a brother? lol

      • anonymous


  • noirlily

    I’d never considered this. I’ve been seeing an African guy and he told me that he doesn’t really like kissing. He’ll give me a peck or occasionally tongue but I could tell it was to appease me. I assumed that he wasn’t that into me but now I’m wondering it’s because of his culture….

  • Kenedy

    I like subtle tongue…hate too much tongue, like if all you do is just stick in your tongue & wave it from side to side….eeewww

  • heyheynow

    interesting I always wondered why I was so boy crazy at an early age and wanted to kiss too maybe I got it from one of my parents…but I don’t wanna ask yucky

  • ky.

    Awww lol… The story about your mom and dad kissing is cute.