More Than Friends? Knowing The Difference Between Romance And Friendship

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December 4, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire
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From YourTango

Some relationships are ambiguous. Dr. Margaret Paul can help you sort it out.

James, in his mid-30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy.

“She is really beautiful, although I’m not sure she’s my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the same church and we both want children. My friends who meet her think she’s dynamite.”

“But … ?” I could hear hesitation in his voice during our phone counseling session.

“I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be a spark and I don’t miss her when I’m not with her. In fact, I rarely think about her when I’m not with her. And our conversation doesn’t seem to flow easily. We run out of things to talk about. Maybe the spark will grow. Does that ever happen?”

“Why not spend a little more time with her and see how you feel?”

It became apparent within a few months that the spark was not going to grow and the conversation was not going to flow. James still did not look forward to seeing Cindy.

“James, it doesn’t seem that this relationship is going to become what you want it to be. Perhaps it’s time to move on.”

But James was afraid of ending up alone, afraid he would not meet anyone as sweet as Cindy. He ended up staying in the relationship with her for two years before finding the courage to leave.

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  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Its funny how James gets into two relationships with two different women that don’t end up working out. He asks if he’s too picky and gets “of course not don’t settle” where as a woman in the same predicament would be chastised for not settling for one of them. Apparently a woman should only concern herself with whether he’s an okay guy and willing to commit.

    • Say What?

      That’s because society is still coming to terms with women being progressive. Personally I think everyone should be exploring their options cause I know I do!

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        I agree. More women need to let go of this notion that they have to stick with Mr. Okay because no other man will want to commit. I encourage women to use their ‘Next’ button often and early in the dating process.

        • Dee

          Agreed! I also think women should stop settling because they are at a certain age and think “should” be married at that point. If he is not the right guy, you will end up wasting time and effort you could have put in another relationship.

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            Yep! Holding onto the wrong relationship is the #1 reason women find themselves frustrated and bitter about the dating process. If they heeded their intuition early on they could have saved themselves YEARS of wasted time.

  • Say What?

    I’m just going to assume that when he said “conversation” he was talking about the oral interaction between his d!ck and her mouth cause trust if the sex was good he’d be contempt!

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      LMAO! Exactly! Did you peep the second girl he was talking about. They had “chemistry” but nothing else. Translation: She got that good, good, but she’s too skanky to bring around friends and family.

      • Say What?

        Pfft! I didn’t even read the rest of the article, I just knew what “conversation” was code for. We all go through the same dating situations whether we’re men or women. I don’t see why he tried to tip-toe around the subject because a ninja could look just like Denzel, but if he don’t make your back crack then what’s the point?

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          LMAO! Notice how he didn’t even put an engagement ring on the first one. Like I said before, men are perfectly capable of chilling with Ms. Okay-for-now for years with no intent to EVER commit. I keep tryna tell my friend this. And she keeps coming back “well if he didn’t love me why does he stay?”

          *facepalm*

          • Say What?

            He stayed cause she fed him!