It’s The Night Before Your Wedding And Your Fiance Cheated, Would You Want To Know?

29 Comments
December 4, 2012 ‐ By Jasmine Berry

 

One night while watching the MTV show “Teen Mom 2,” two of my housemates and I got into an interesting debate over the topic of cheating. For those who don’t watch the show, one of the teen moms, Leah Messer, the mother of twins, is going through a divorce from her husband because last season he found out that she cheated on him before their wedding.

The topic of debate: Would you want to know if the man you were about to marry cheated on you earlier in your relationship? Would you want him to tell you this the night before you tie the knot?

Both of the girls said no.

Why would he tell me something like that before our wedding? After I’ve picked out my dress, got my hair done and we invited all these people? No, we’re getting married, even if I have to drag him down the aisle! We’ll deal with that after the wedding, said one of my housemates.

The other said, I feel like him telling me is just a way for him to clear his own conscience and put that burden on me. If he knows in his heart that he loves me, then I think his punishment is the guilt he will feel every time we are together. You can say ‘ignorance is bliss,’ but I just want to be happy.

According to statistcbrain.com, 1.2% of men admitted to cheating the night before their wedding, while 2.6% of women did.

As a young woman who has experienced a bad relationship, I couldn’t understand why anyone would not want to know that information before making what is arguably— one of the biggest commitments in life. I felt like maybe I was insane, as I began asking as many people as I could about how they felt. The majority said they would want to know, while a few said they wouldn’t.

Before getting married, often couples attend pre-marital counseling;  even if they don’t, they expect that anything major that they would need to know has been put out into the open. So on the day of their wedding, that’s it, it’s just us two— with a clean slate. Is it really fair to keep something like that from the person you claim to love? What if it comes out after the wedding (in which was how Leah’s husband found out) isn’t that far worse?

Who’s to say that you have to leave that person? Everyone has their own deal breakers for what they will and will not put up with. After all, we all set our own rules in relationships.

So…would you want to know?

 

Jasmine Berry is a senior majoring in journalism at St. John’s University. Follow her on twitter @signedjas

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  • shez_stubborn

    I would DEFINITELY want to know.

  • Numero Uno

    In a way, I wouldn’t want to know, because at that point, we’ve already invited all these people and spent lots of money on food, dress, venue etc…but realistically, I would want to know so that I have that choice of whether I can deal with it and move on, or do I want to call it quits. I would just like to have that choice then and there, rather than go into the marriage and somehow find out later. That would really hurt.

  • Shan03

    Yes, I would definitely want to know.

  • April

    As someone who lived the nightmare of finding out two weeks after the wedding I say 100% HELL YES! At least I would have been able to make a choice. And that choice would have been to apologize to my guests and mom for wasting their money because there would be no wedding.

  • Drew Smith

    Luckily, the vast majority of you ladies won’t have to deal with this scenario; you man’ll just keep it to himself. Besides, you all simply have no concept of what a man is able to rationalize pre-marriage. It’s pretty scary stuff. I gotta go. Talk to you later.

    • Nikki

      Both parties have to rationalize the same thing before getting married so I am calling shenanigans on this excuse. But to your point I would say if a man is not ready because he can’t rationalize what marriage is then he should not ask the question.

      • Drew Smith

        Nikki, I was referring to all of the cheating and philandering a man can rationalize in his head simply because he has not yet actually married a woman. I’m not so sure you’d find many women who rationalize the same thing.

  • Candacey Doris

    Of course i would want to know. There would be no wedding at that point.

  • Ms_Mara

    I would want to know. I have no idea if I’d go through with the marriage or not, but I definitely feel something like that can’t be kept a secret.

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    Given the circumstances (night before the wedding), the question that needs to be asked is what is the benefit of knowing v. not knowing? Let’s say this individual only cheated once and the cheating is outside of their character and day to day actions. Would knowing mean that you would marry this person after some healing or you wouldn’t marry the person at all as a result of their cheating?

    I can’t say one way or the other because it is so contextual.

    • Ms_Mara

      Dare I say…. if it’s outside of their character, they wouldn’t do it in the first place? That’s my belief. For me, I think the benefit of knowing is having a more complete picture of this person I thought I knew. Now I know they’re prone to selfish, reckless behavior. I would never want to make a life-changing decision like marriage without knowing something that important.

      • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

        I think it is something that needs to be said. I am by no means excusing people’s behavior. Ideally, people wouldn’t cheat, especially before such an important day as the blending of two families.

    • Nikki

      I don’t think whether it was a one time thing or something ongoing even matters. There’s no coming back from that in my book. A lot of things can be forgiven, but that is not one of them. No context necessary.

      • Ms_Mara

        This right here. All of this.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Angeloris Ree Cee

    Yes, I’d want to know.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    I would want to know, preferably before we shell out all the dough for the wedding.

  • kierah

    Yes I need to know. The infidelity would shake my trust in the other person and we’d need to work on that PRIOR to saying vows.

  • nick

    yes, somebody better fill me in fore they get hurt. Divorce aint cheap and its emotionally taxing… Leah should be able to confirm that since thats exactly how it ended for her lying behind.

  • IllyPhilly

    HeLL no, I don’t want to know until after the wedding then I wouldn’t even get mad, I pour greases on him in the middle of the night.

    • kierah

      KMSL!

    • Tamz

      More like “Deadly Women”!! Lol

    • Mztisa

      Yikes!!

    • Mizz_SDB

      Dead at “start screaming like, “what happened?!”” lmbo!!

    • Say What?

      And ninjas around the world just crossed you off their lists of women to marry! LOL

      • IllyPhilly

        LMAO

  • Sheena

    No I wouldn’t want to know.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    Yes I would want to know.

  • Kaori

    Yes, I would like to know that kind of information. I am very intuitive and probably would have already know. We would have never made it to the wedding, if I were to actually care about getting married.

  • Kaori

    I don’t care to ever get married, but that kind of information is something I would want to know. But then again, I have no trust in people and would probably already have a clue.