One night while watching the MTV show “Teen Mom 2,” two of my housemates and I got into an interesting debate over the topic of cheating. For those who don’t watch the show, one of the teen moms, Leah Messer, the mother of twins, is going through a divorce from her husband because last season he found out that she cheated on him before their wedding.
The topic of debate: Would you want to know if the man you were about to marry cheated on you earlier in your relationship? Would you want him to tell you this the night before you tie the knot?
Both of the girls said no.
Why would he tell me something like that before our wedding? After I’ve picked out my dress, got my hair done and we invited all these people? No, we’re getting married, even if I have to drag him down the aisle! We’ll deal with that after the wedding, said one of my housemates.
The other said, I feel like him telling me is just a way for him to clear his own conscience and put that burden on me. If he knows in his heart that he loves me, then I think his punishment is the guilt he will feel every time we are together. You can say ‘ignorance is bliss,’ but I just want to be happy.
According to statistcbrain.com, 1.2% of men admitted to cheating the night before their wedding, while 2.6% of women did.
As a young woman who has experienced a bad relationship, I couldn’t understand why anyone would not want to know that information before making what is arguably— one of the biggest commitments in life. I felt like maybe I was insane, as I began asking as many people as I could about how they felt. The majority said they would want to know, while a few said they wouldn’t.
Before getting married, often couples attend pre-marital counseling; even if they don’t, they expect that anything major that they would need to know has been put out into the open. So on the day of their wedding, that’s it, it’s just us two— with a clean slate. Is it really fair to keep something like that from the person you claim to love? What if it comes out after the wedding (in which was how Leah’s husband found out) isn’t that far worse?
Who’s to say that you have to leave that person? Everyone has their own deal breakers for what they will and will not put up with. After all, we all set our own rules in relationships.
So…would you want to know?
Jasmine Berry is a senior majoring in journalism at St. John’s University. Follow her on twitter @signedjas