‘If You Were The Right Kind Of Bish You Would Walk In Here And Say I’m Not Gone Fight’ RHOA Episode 5 Recap

December 3, 2012  |  

Lord, and Andy Cohen, willing, last night was the actual last night fans of the Real Housewives of Atlanta would have to stomach the likes of Kim Zolciak on the Bravo TV show. Though the only white girl in the crew has added a certain level of drama to the series, at the fifth season, people are just about over her, and from last night’s episode she appears to be over the series as well. The good thing for the network — and reality TV suckers — is there’s plenty of new drama in town to take her place and we definitely saw that in full effect Sunday night. Check out the highlights of episode 5.

“There’s this wonderful thing that God created; it’s called birth control”

Am I the only one who breathed a sigh of relief watching Kim and her two daughters chat over lunch last night? With a mother like Kim, you really wouldn’t expect her daughters to have too much sense, particularly having to endure the rumors and media speculation that follow them from being on reality TV, but Brielle proved she has more sense than her mother last night.

When the youngest of Kim’s daughters asked whether her older sister’s birth was planned, Brielle immediately stepped in with the common sense response of “nobody wants a kid at 19” while all Kim had to say was having a baby so young didn’t cramp her style. (so lost) But when the girls began to clown their mom’s claims that Kash was her last baby for a while — because she said the same thing after KJ — Brielle immediately stepped into Planned Parenthood mode and told her mom:

“There’s this wonderful thing that God created and it’s called birth control and I’m going to make sure you take it.”

Please do, Brielle. Please do.

Kenya is pushing up — hard

The newest addition to the RHOA cast is a prime example of why you can’t let every woman around your man. It’s not uncommon for a semi-single woman to flirt with a married man, it’s an entirely different type of brawd who is bold enough to push up on your man in front of you and that’s precisely what we saw with Kenya last night. One compliment on another woman’s husband can be taken as polite. Two compliments, particularly referencing his buff body and likening him to a model, is cause for a whoop that trick moment. Phaedra may have spoken too soon when she said she liked Kenya because she crossed the lines in the foursome semi-business meeting with Apollo . She was right about one thing though, Kenya is a strange bird — emphasis on bird.

The cast is going on a ‘Why Did I Get Married’ trip

In theory, going on a trip with a group of couples should be safer than an all girls vacation because, let’s be honest, too many women in one space can get way too catty sometimes, but I don’t have any hope for what these folks have planned. Cynthia and Peter have the bright idea to take a couple’s excursion to Anguilla which I forsee as a double the people, double the trouble “Why Did I Get Married” situation waiting to happen. And as we already saw from the previews for next week’s episode, Kenya continues her operation push up on Apollo antics making me think there may be a need for some law enforcement.

Peter wants to walk down the aisle again

Normally I would think, aww how cute, if a man said he wanted to renew his vows with his wife. When I hear Peter express that sentiment I just think, umph. Maybe it’s because Cynthia and Peter seem like they should have never walked down the aisle in the first place — I mean when your mom and sister hide your marriage certificate you know it’s serious. But Peter just seems low-key sleazy and suspect. But I guess this is better than divorce.*Shrug*

Newsflash:There are only 265 days in the year

I just wanted to make sure you knew because before last night I always thought there were 365 days in a year. Go figure. At this time I would like to nominate a highly educated nanny to have a strong presence in the lives of the children Porsha wants to bring into the world.

 

Porsha wants 4 babies and 2 pregnancies

We’ve already established Porsha isn’t good with nmbers, but this time she actually sort of knows what’s she’s talking about. The young and bubbly newbie is anxious to be come a mother but not without a few reservations. Though the housewife wants four babies, she’s only interested in being pregnant two times, which means she and her hubby are going to go to great lengths to pop out twins and knock out these pregnancies in a couple of blows. #RichHousewifeProblems

Nene schools Kim on what the right kind of bish is

Here’s the real newsflash of the season, Nene is back — loud talking, set you straight, read you up and down, cuss you out Nene from season 1. Up until last night, Nene was playing it cool with Kim, being cordial even, but after she claimed her former friend lied on her, well, the gloves came all the way off.

While clowning Kim for her unfounded need for security, Nene told her she shouldn’t have to ask for someone to have her back.

“If you were the right kind of b***h, you would walk in here and say I’m not gone fight cuz I don’t want to.

Yeah.

Also, note how Cynthia got checked in the process too. Told ya’ll Nene is back.

Kim Peaces out

I would call Kim’s walk out a rash financial decision considering she knows good and well she doesn’t have any money-making outlet to fall back on besides Kroy’s subpar NFL salary, but with news that her spinoff “Don’t Be Tardy” has been renewed I’ll keep that comment to myself. What I love most about Kim’s walkout is Kroy getting buck with the cameraman. I guess there’s one person out there who will defend her sillyness.

Kenya believes in looking and not touching

In response to the reaction Kenya got for looking like a low-key man-stealer, the housewife wrote a blog post to explain what she calls “the Apollo situation.” Here’s her take on her behavior:

All present knew that it was not flirting. Phaedra had no issues with my compliments or jokes nor did my guy. And who flirts with their mate present if they were up to no good? Really, who does that? It was lighthearted and harmless people. It is still my opinion that Apollo is fine and Phaedra is a lucky woman but that is Phaedra’s husband. And I’m not interested in her husband or anyone else’s husband. Enough said.

We’ll be the judge of that next week when we see her in Anguilla.

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  • Tish

    Does anyone know where Nene got the dress or blouse she has on in the solo shots on episode 5? The beautiful multicolor top?

  • Setra

    What a crazy episode, I couldn’t believe Kim’s walk-off. First off, she had way too many excuses not to go and I thought it was rude that she cancelled last minute after everyone planned it around her. I agree that her walk-off was rash, considering this is a pay check she needs, it was especially self destructive for her to disrespect the camera man. I thought Kenya’s explanation about her flirting with Apollo was interesting as well. It didn’t seem like Phaedra was okay with it when it happened. This episode gave me and my DISH coworker plenty to talk about so I’m
    glad I watched. I recorded it on my DISH Hopper, because I was able to watch the play back on multiple TV’s. I started watching on my living room TV and then continued watching on my kitchen TV right where I left off. I can’t wait to see what happens on the Anguilla trip.

  • IntellectisKey

    Lol, wait, did yall delete my comment because I told people where they could go to get a recap without clicking through ten pages? Yall mad mn? LOL smh… I’m done

    • scandalous7

      shyt

  • GetItTogether

    kim is so rude to sweetie, cussing at her and everything and saying nobody asked her ****ing opinion when she says something, she must be getting paid good…..

    • LaLa

      and she probably getting over paid since kim cant handle her money!

  • Campbell

    Is anyone taking Kim seriously? There is no way she can carry a show on her own. There have been few (think Bethanny Frankel) to do it successfully and Kim has about 1/16th of Bethanny’s personality. (Even Tamar & Vince’s ratings are tanking) What she just did was walk out on a guaranteed paycheck. Having Kroy as a husband will not supply all of her current or future financial needs. The average career of an NFL player (disputed to be between 3.5-6 years) has to support them and their families for the remainder of their lives if they have no other marketable skills. (Kroy seems nice, but I don’t see him commentating a football game). That means, he has to support 4 Kids (day-to-day costs, medical expenses, college, wedding, cars, retirement, etc) and a wife who doesn’t like to work for the next 20-60 years on 6 years of salary…I think not. Wake up people; she’s crazy as hell.

  • NikkitaMichelle

    Kim should have left when Sheree did. Her reality career should be over. Did anyone watch that wedding mess?

    • Melyssa

      Sheree didn’t leave she was kicked off (asked to leave)…. her financial woes is not what they want America to See. (child support battles/chateau sheree still looking like an empty lot/, etc.) I feel that is why KIM is leaving too but at least on her own accord because she can no longer afford to live in her “Dream House” and keep up appearances, same thing with Lisa from 1st season.. she and her husband downsized to smaller house next thing you know she’s leaving the show. They all came into the show BallinOut (whether it was Reall or Fake) and little by little you started seeing the changes.

  • Melyssa

    Lowkey Kenya is crushing on Apollo… to the point she is overstepping boundaries.. Who in da hell ask a woman which one of her friends would she let her man (husband) have a threesome with.. She was fishing in hopes of Phaedra or Apollo even putting his foot in his mouth and naming her.#EpicFail!!!!! (Apollo’s an OG Playa he ain’t new to tha game)

    • UmOk

      Girl there is nothing lowkey about it. LOL. She is OUT OF ORDER and very open about it. Smh…the thirst….

  • its a shame when the daughter is wiser thatn the mother . . . that’s what happens when you are your kid’s FRIEND!

  • Miss_Understood

    I actually fell asleep before Kim walked off so I’ll catch that later today…if her other show doesn’t take off she’s probably gonna have to hit Big Poppa up for a loan cuz we learned from Lisa and Ed that the NFL don’t pay like the NBA

    Anyway, this may sound wrong but….PHAEDRA, when you have a husband that looks like Apollo you need to keep yourself up! He is very attractive and looks like he puts effort into his clothes. You are too intelligent, beautiful and wealthy (?) to be dressing like you bought your clothes from TJ Maxx after Black Friday and looking like you got your hair done in somebody’s kitchen!

    That being said, Kenya is highly disrespectful and if she keeps it up somebody is gonna throw acid in her face…wait maybe that will actually improve her skin…

    • realadulttalk

      Phaedra and Walter looked like they wanted to choke Kenya out.

      • GirlSixx

        LOL. Nah…. Walter was relieved like “Good now she can shut her mouth with all that marriage and babies talk.” lolllll

        • realadulttalk

          lmao

    • Allie

      I was just thinking about the way Phaedra dresses, like sometimes she looks like a little girl, and I don’t like when she wears headbands either…

    • Beejcee

      She said during this episode that she got the clothes she was wearing (when she and Kandi were shopping) at TAGS (Kandi’s boutique)!

      • Miss_Understood

        “Oh GAWD” *Ms Lawrence Voice*

      • scandalous7

        oops lol

    • GirlSixx

      BOL…. @you bought your clothes from TJ Maxx after Black Friday and looking like you got your hair done in somebody’s kitchen.

  • pretty1908

    all of those women are hilarious ,but i still only like cynthia and nene ! i have a soft spot for porscha, but she is rather too dingy to function. phaedra , you really try to pretend to be the belle of the ball , but i find you crass and extremely tacky. kandi, what’s your problem? You seem really frumpy and messy this season… and the kegel balls…eeew ! Kim, its ok to admit that you have nothing in common with these women and simply want to move past them. you are full of excuses and have jumped on the I’s married now high horse. Kenya, I see you and I pray daily I am nothing like you. You seem unhinged and pressed to pursue a relationship with a man who seems to be gunshy and pain ole lame. Porscha, I like your spirt ! You are funny, active, and likeable, and I hope God blesses you with a baby! But please pick up a book or two along the way.

  • GirlSixx

    The show has served it’s purpose to KIM so now that she got everything she wanted she is bouncing.. She was on there for notoriety and to find a husband in which she succeeded at both. Honestly I can’t even be mad at her for that. Her new role now is being a NFL Wife.

    • Shonda Johnson

      Kim hasn’t achieved anything but have 2 different baby father and have 3 kids out of wedlock. Her and Kroy with be divorced within 3 years.

      • Beejcee

        Preach. I think it is 3 different fathers.

  • realadulttalk

    Cutting out commercials–this is a 40 minute show. How in the world can you justify a 10 page recap?? I don’t read 1/2 the articles on here b/c of the page clicks…

  • bluekissess

    I love NENE. Bloop…

  • JaneDoe

    That damn Nene but she was soooo right.. Kim acts like she is such a big bad bish but clearly she is not

    • realadulttalk

      YES!! Nene was so on point about Kim.

    • Alohilani

      What does it take to be a ‘big bad bish’?

  • NONEYA

    Good bye Kim, she really has out grown the show anyway IMO,from where she was when the show first started! Porsha (Ghetto Name) is the new itch to hate for me, cant stand her or her weave!!

    • bluekissess

      Porsha taught me that it’s only 265 days in a year. I’m still wondering where the other 100 is located

      • Ms_Mara

        Nooooo, that was just a “fraudulent slip”. LOL Talk about an airhead!

        • Amy Perry

          lmao yesss !

      • realadulttalk

        You could hear crickets when she said that. Lmao

      • NikkitaMichelle

        She said that once before and I ignore it because I thought it was a slip of the tongue. Then she said it again. Lawd help.

      • UmOk

        I flatlined when she said 265 days so confidently….smh….and still lmbo!

    • Miss_Understood

      I feel that she isn’t cute enough to be that d a m n dumb! I mean, it’s never good to be stupid but society tends to look the other way when the idiot is gorgeous…

  • IntellectisKey

    We couldn’t just do a one page recap? *goes to realitytea*

    • bluekissess

      I just got anxiety when I looked at the list. I didn’t click. All this money for a tacky website

    • realadulttalk

      Never heard of that site…thanks!

    • Hmmm never heard of it either… thanks!

  • Alohilani

    What if you are not a ‘bish’ at all?