Leaving The Nest – 9 Signs It’s Time To Move Out of Your Parents’ House!

65 Comments
December 2, 2012 ‐ By Brooke Dean

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If you’re lucky enough to be one of those “kids” who has a great relationship with his/her parents, lives at home and is stacking money to save for that dream home, then you definitely have the life! However, for most of us, being an adult and living at home doesn’t always make for an ideal living situation. Sure, there are situations were living at home with mom and dad is beneficial, even necessary. But if you’re over 25 years old and still sleeping in a twin size bed wondering what you’re doing with your life, here are some signs it’s time to raise up out of your parents’ house and find your own spot.

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  1. You’re There For THEM

Some people stay at home longer than they want to because their parents expect them to stay there – either to keep them company or until they get married. Maybe this is something parents expect more from their daughters than their sons, but if you find that you’re there to help your parents deal with the “empty nest syndrome” rather than living on your own, it’s time to sit them down and have a talk. Explain to your parents that just because you’re moving out, it doesn’t mean you’ll never come around to check on them or that you’re going to become a heathen turning your studio apartment into a den of sin (even if that is what you’re planning on doing with it). While it’s admirable that your parents want you to stay home until you get married, moving from your parents’ house to your husband’s house might not be what you had in mind. Your parents are grown and while they may miss you, they’ll get over it if you move out. They should want you to be independent, not rely on them for the rest of your life.

2. You Come Home Late – Often

If you’re moving back home after college graduation, it’s probably safe to say that you still like to party and hang out like you did back on campus. This means you’re used to coming home when you feel like it because there were no parents at home giving you a curfew. But now when you come home, you trip the alarm and wake up everyone in the house – and that’s if your parents aren’t already up waiting for you. Some of you may have folks that respect the fact that you’re no longer a child and have no problem with you coming home at all hours of the night. But if your parents think you’re being disrespectful by stumbling in at 3am every night, then you have to respect their house and find a place of your own so that you’re not disturbing anyone else.

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3. You’re the Babysitter

If you have a younger sibling who requires a babysitter, consider yourself that babysitter. Your parents will expect you to watch him or her – for free – and without complaint, which could dampen your plans on a Friday night. If you live at home, you’re the live-in nanny. But if you lived say, 30 minutes away, you might be able to weasel out of watching your younger sister because you can’t get there in time because of…traffic. Or it could be because you’re not home or because you’re grown, pay your own rent and are out doing what YOU want to do.

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4. The House is Crowded

Even if your parents don’t make you watch your younger siblings, there’s still a chance there’s always a house full with other family members. You can’t even invite your friends over because there’s no place for them to sit – so you’re all packed in the basement or the backyard because your house is too small to fit all these people. If you had your own place, you could spread out a little bit and relax. Even if you lived in a studio, it would be YOUR space – and no one has to be there but you.

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5. No Room For Your Stuff

Not only is it difficult to find space for you and your friends to hang out, you may not also have room for your personal things, especially if you’re sharing a room with someone. After 4 years of college, I managed to accumulate things and none of it fit into my mom’s house when I moved back home. Adults tend to buy things – electronics, clothes, shoes…stuff, and it may not fit into your room or parents’ basement. They also may not want you to clutter their home with your things and use it for storage so you’re limited to buying what fits in the confines of the four walls of your bedroom. If you find yourself longing for a new bedroom set, or a huge flat screen TV, then you should find your own apartment to put it in.

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6. No Privacy

If you suffer from any of the issues already mentioned, it is safe to say you probably have no room for privacy either. If you start dating someone, bringing them back to your “room” for some action probably isn’t so hot – not with mom and dad roaming around the house freely. So sex is pretty much out of the question unless you get busy at a hotel or the back seat of your car. You can’t even have a conversation on the phone without your younger brother ear hustling and you basically feel trapped because there’s nowhere to go to have a little “me” time. If this is you and you have a decent job, then you should have moved out yesterday.

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7. Rules

Depending on how old-school your folks are, living at home means following their rules. Whether this means coming in at a certain hour, not being able to stay out over-night, doing chores or anything else your parents require you to do while living under their roof, if their rules don’t sit well with you, then you may need to consider getting 2 or 3 jobs so that you can move out and save your sanity. After all, it istheir house and if you’re not paying rent, you really can’t tell them “no,” can you? Well, maybe you can, but they’d probably tell your grown behind to move out and pay your own rent and follow your own rules. Can’t say that I blame them. Get your own spot.

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8. You’re a Slob

Speaking of chores, if you’re a slob, then living at home with you is probably a nightmare. While I’d hope that one would be clean and neat even while living on his own, you don’t HAVE to wash dishes in your own place if you don’t want to. When you live alone, you don’t have to do laundry for a month if you don’t feel like it, and you can leave your clothes all over the place and no one can say boo about it. Again, I’m not saying being a slob is cute, but if you’re tired of your mom nagging you to pick up your socks or to move your shoes out of her way, then get your own place and be lazy and sloppy to your heart’s content. Just make sure to clean up before company comes over.

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9. You’re 30+ Years Old

Enough said. At some point, you just have to become an adult and know what it’s like to be responsible for yourself. This means paying rent or a mortgage. Again, if you live in an old-fashioned household where the expectation is to stay at home until you’re married, and you’re cool with that, then rock out. Or maybe you have the coolest parents on the planet where living at home is actually a pleasurable experience. But living on your own can also teach you to be more responsible, establish credit and can allow you to have a certain level of freedom that you can enjoy before you think about setting down with a family of your own (if that’s what you’d like). If you’re living at home to save money or because you need to take care of an ailing parent, the recession hit you hard or any other reason that has nothing to do with you simply being a leach – then so be it. But if any of the previous scenarios has you pulling your hair out, then begin your search for a new pad and sign a lease. It’s time.

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  • lost

    anyone any ideas?

  • lost

    I am the step dad I have put the step son through several tech & college classes he has dropped out of all…..he has recently had a child with a girl who now all three ( himself girlfriend & baby) live in my house he did finely finish a course three months ago now sitting waiting on them to contact him for work…..my wife doesn’t want me to put my foot down as I want to & tell her I need to do because of the baby…..so discussed what should I do!!!

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  • Ricky smashahoe

    suddenly after reading all the comment i dont feel that bad about living with the folks but now that im going to turn 25 i should reall put fourth effort into leaving the nest

  • RICHARD236

    very interesting!am 26 and dont think of moving 'cos am having fun with the family.have ma own room though and still pay a chunk of the bills.well am.enjoying support from.parents, siblings and neighbours.all is going well for me..

  • Truth

    I got those “stay till you get married” parents. people would kill to have my life. I got everything paid. My own attic apartment. Any time I need money I get it.
    but I’m miserable. It kills me that it’s been years since I graduated and still don’t have my own solo life. My parents pretty much control it. I want to get the **** out. I feel like I’m 16 rather than 26.

  • ApricotData474

    I am 20 years old and am going to be moving out of my parents house for the first time on September 20, 2013. I am kind of nervous because I am going to have 3 room mates that I have never met before. I will also be 2,000 miles away from my family. I also have a little brother that is 16 who is going to be sad to see me go. So now I am having second thoughts about if I should move to go to go to college or if I should change my major and do something else that I would enjoy that would be closer to home.

  • BSG

    I went through hell at home in this ever lasting recession. But happy to say I am moving back out this Sat.!! I would like to thank al those that put up with me in the good times and the bad!!

  • Guest

    I love how the author acts like it’s easy to get a job. Yeah, I’m just gonna go out and get 2 to 3 jobs, no big deal. It’s hard enough getting just one let alone 3.

  • Anaria12

    Can’t help but comment because I HATE living at home! I had finally got to the point where I was financially stable and moved out when I turned 30. It was the BEST year of my life! When my lease was up, I had already put in a down payment at another apartment complex when my mother literally begged me to move back home and help out. The result? I found myself in a worse situation than when I had moved…it had literally become a black hole where I was just bailing them out left and right. I finally put my foot down and said enough is enough, no more money to give. My old apartment was in a ghetto with the gang members behind me, the professional drunk next door, the wife beater two doors down and the child molester that just moved in…..but I still MISS it badly. Sometimes though life just has these little quirks to throw at us. Even though it sucks badly being home I am now finishing my Bachelors with the intent of going for my Masters, I have a better car, and because we live in the country I am saving up to build my own home in the next three to four years. Make little steps each day, even if its putting aside a few dollars each day, and you will get to see your goal fulfilled =).

  • Andrew Miller

    I’m 24 years old and currently living at my grandparents house along with my cousin, Uncle, and Aunt. I moved with my grand mom after my house burned down during the Hurricane Sandy storm last year. Since then I’ve lost my job, I’m currently unable to afford school, and the only thing that seems to hold my spirit together is my music. I dream and aspire to become a successful producer and artist. I feel unwelcomed at times. Every time I see my mother she is always asking me if I’m making money. She even told me she was disappointed in me because I didn’t finish school. I’m in school debt and I’m so far in a hole and don’t have the slightest clue of how to climb out.

    • Andrew Miller

      I’ve been looking for a job but I’ve had no luck so far.

  • Ollie

    I’m 24 and i live at home with my moms and pops along with my two brothers 21 and 18.We all have descent jobs, make 3k plus a month, have our own cars and go to college. I’m looking to become a physician by age 29-30 and meanwhile i spend time with my mom and dad for we only have one life and i rather spend time with family vs others.

  • Vero

    What About When you are The one maintaining The parents because They no longer have a Job and They themselves cant live Ok their own. How do you move out Then ?

  • Lisa

    Some of us don’t have the privilege of choice. Identity theft trashed my credit, and even though I work 80+ hours a week, I can’t save enough to pay cash for a house. I can’t get a mortgage, and I even get turned down for apartments — crappy apartments even — because of my credit. Same with lot rent on a mobile home. It’s the parents’ cramped basement, or the homeless shelter, and I know I can’t possibly be the only person in this situation.

    • the guy

      Hey, prolly don’t have to say this but you could see if your folks would co-sign on a lease for an apartment, that’s how I got mine in college. Sounds like you have the money and if they trust you, yah. Otherwise I guess try and build up your credit using credit cards and what not…maybe find someone who will sublet a room to you/move in with a friend who is willing to sign the lease? Don’t know how desperate you are to get out.

      Just some suggestions, I live at home and my folks have wanted me gone for a LONG TIME! Came back after college. That was a mistake but didn’t feel like I had much choice, circumstances being what they were. Anyways good luck, at least you are not over 30 like me! ( i am assuming)

  • kim

    While I have to admit that I’m over 25 and still living at home…I’ve been saving my money wisely while working part-time. I live in Atlanta and the job market is tough, I’ve been trying to find something full-time since I graduated college…been on interviews but nothing really happened for me but I haven’t given up. It boggles my mind that people think it’s so easy to move out when it’s not. I’m in the position where I can’t just say “Well I’m over 25 time for me to go” It doesn’t work like that…not unless you have a plan. I’ve got one and if it means that I have to sleep in my twin size bed until I accomplish my goal of better employment and more money THEN SO BE IT! It beats living out on the street!

    • Esther

      Same here but I’m 20 and I live in Los Angeles. Finished college early with a BA. It’s kind of annoying that there’s nothing you can really do unless you have income. I’ve tried everything. Right now I guess there’s only commissions or trade school. I don’t wanna go back to school ’cause it’s just gonna put me further into debt ($40K for a slip of paper that might not even land me a job). Commissions is what a lot of people don’t want to do ’cause you don’t get a steady wage, you have to make it, but you can make a lot so I’m trying that out. My grades were so mediocre that I barely graduated. I’m tired of school so I don’t want a MA either. I’m trying to move to NYC with my cousins.

      A lot of people I know moved out. They also moved out of city or state. But they did it when the econ was good.

      • ZFoxy

        I myself am 22 and I’m living with my mother. Moved out for my B.A. and while I was gone my mom got a divorced. I returned home after graduation and after my sister stayed home for a year with her. Unfortunately, where my sister decided to up and leave for TX immediately, I ended up getting stuck in the unincorporated part of L.A. county. Got my M.A. (and racked up the $40k that you mentioned) and it still didn’t help me land any decent kind of job.

        Worked two part-time jobs for barely enough to pay off gas and unexpected expenses. After two years I’ve finally landed a decent job where I could think about buying a house for myself. Still though I’m starting to reconsider it.
        When I leave I don’t want to return and I’d rather be more financially stable. I pay rent right now and my only real issue is #4.

        Mom’s and I initially got into quite a few arguments about #8 however I finally got her to break down and just hire a housekeeper so that neither of us had to worry about it. I told her I’d pay for it and everything, just needed her to agree to it. Ever since we hired some extra help we haven’t bickered since.
        Since she’s unmarried anyway I don’t like the idea of leaving her to live alone. I’ll probably stay until either she meets someone else or I find a house with enough room that she is free to move in with me.

  • Whats Normal

    I haven’t lived with my mother since I was 18. I plan for it to be the same for my children. Upon graduation, if you are not in school or the military, you are out of here.

    • whats right

      What’s normal you crazy and ignorant, one must do what best suits them and there current situation, if someone wants to live at home that’s their choice and NO one has the right to say otherwise, and by the way doubt your kid will even turn his head once your too old to care for yourself… lol buddy

      • Whats Normal

        SMH. My mother was raised the same way I was. There is no doubt involved. She had faith that I would make life work for me and I did. I became stronger than most people my age. That best suited me and my situation. You have no idea what you are talking about. My family does not accept laziness after high school. You will go to school to get a career, or to the military to either make a career there, or learn some discipline that will help you in your civilian life. My parents both chose the army. My sister and I chose school. Everyone’s family is different. You have zero right to bash me and my values. My family does not coddle children into adulthood.

        • whats right

          You have a every right to your opinion and values, probably should not bash others like you were to Ahmad Rashad if you don’t like being criticized. Let the man choose whats best not you, your moms, nor society. I’am sure culture plays a huge role in this topic.

          • Whats Normal

            “The man”? As in…….?

            • whats right

              As in the reason your posting comments on this site, to degrade a foriegner with different views, you don’t got to deny it we have a freedom of speech.

              • Whats Normal

                How in the heck am I degrading a foreigner with my views on MY FAMILY? I never even hinted toward anyone’s culture, so I have no idea where that came from. You seem to be reading way too far into things. Scale it down a bit.

                • Whats a trip

                  Was pretty fun getting you all fired up,check this site every few minutes huh? I’m sorry something bothers you deep inside and you turn to blogs, got some laughs out of it, so no worries…

                  • Whats Normal

                    Fired up? There’s no reason to be ‘fired up’ over the internet lol I enjoyed our banter.

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  • Miss D

    I help my mom with bills and groceries, and in return, my mom lets me live at home. I accrued a lot of debt between college/grad school and buying a car, so I’d rather make the sacrifices that come with living at home instead of being broke and asking my mom for money.

  • ANTMilf

    WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

    Am I seeing this right?!?

    MN just put the whole list on ONE PAGE, whaaaaaaaaaaat! And my birthday is today!
    Plus I moved out of my parent’s home when I turned 20 and been on my own ever since.
    Keep this up MN!

    • Native_Noir

      Happy Birthday!!!!!!

      • ANTMilf

        Thanks!

  • Starbright

    I have my own place, but I am unfortunately moving back home bc I lost my job 1 1/2 years ago and only stayed to finish college. I would love to keep my own place because I fit # 2,4,5,6 on this list at home, but I can’t afford to live on my own at the moment. I will definitely miss having privacy.

    • DESPERATE FOR FREEDOM

      be prepared, its not fun at all!!! I moved back in with parents 1 year ago after living on my own for 1 year. I was actially so desperate to get out I went and looked a small house to rent, filled out the application, got approved and signed the lease!! Keys are in my hand and now Im like crap, I CANT afford this.

  • Bree

    I have no shame in my game. I’m 22 and live home with my parents. The funny thing is my mom was saying she was going to kick me out when I turned 18 and when I did move she was calling everyday asking me when I was going to come back. I only lasted a year because my roommate was horrible when it came to paying bills. My mom expanded my room, I have my own bathroom and mini fireplace. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. Plus I get along with my parents very well so I a wonderful roof over my had apnd I save money. I’m not a party girl like that so coming in late isn’t really an issue. I’m the baby of my family so sometimes my siblings think I’m spoiled or my moms favorite but their like 8 years older and up. My sister that’s right above me butt head with my mom all the time so not a surprise she’s not here. My brother wanted the house to be a brothel and my oldest sister got married young so she been out the house for a while.

  • Ay

    This article is is right on time. Numbers 5, 6, 7 (and maybe 8) apply to me. 21 years old, it’s been time for me to go………….

  • sabrina

    What I appreciate the most about this article: it’s all on one page. Bless your heart, Brooke.

  • Smiley

    This kind of thinking is what keeps African Americans broke, with no investments and no savings. The disillusion of privilege that says “don’t worry you can go out in the world like your privileged counter parts and flourish even if you don’t have a dime to your name and mommy and daddy aren’t going to pay a dime of your living expenses.” We hold onto what society tells us, that no matter what our parents do, it’s not good enough so we have to go make it on our own. How far has that gotten us?

    • Alohilani

      This is partially what I was saying on another article. In American culture, especially Black households, parents do a poor job of raising their children and preparing them for adulthood. They think, “Oh, you’re 18, time to go!”. A lot of Black children are no better off than their parents.

  • nick

    i’m just happy this is all on one page! hallelujah!

    • Godschild504

      LOL… Me too, i was saying the same darn thing!!

  • Just saying!!

    Luckily I live at home and none of these rules really apply to me. My situation is kind of different though because I have my own apartment within the same house. I suppose privacy and stuff could be difficult but no one really needs to know anyone is coming in since there are separate doors lol. But I don’t plan on staying forever that’s for sure!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1650234484 Ahmad Rashad

    i just dont make the money too be able too have my own place, And i would love too have my own place but i pay childsupport that takes a chunk of my money, pay check too pay check. very hard too find a job that can support that

    • bigdawgman

      Just stay home and ignore the haters.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1650234484 Ahmad Rashad

        i will till i get bac on my feet, plus my family very close, we help each other out sorry for the ones that dont have that support system

    • Alohilani

      If child support is a ‘chunk’ of what you take home every two weeks, then you must make very little money.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1650234484 Ahmad Rashad

        yeep very little , not every has a good paying job thing is i had a great paying job bout 22$ an hour but got laid off few years ago , been down hill every sence then but i guess you have it all , just wait your turn life will get at u too.

        • Kaori

          Did you lose your job because you have poor grammar skills?

          Your guess is wrong. There is no turn for me to wait for. The Universe was never in my favor anyway.

    • Whats Normal

      You should be able to afford your own stuff before trying to afford a child. The condoms were a lot cheaper, weren’t they?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1650234484 Ahmad Rashad

        funny

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1650234484 Ahmad Rashad

          my child is 12 years old shut up

          • Whats Normal

            Doesn’t change what I said.

            • mike

              Tell him!

            • Naki

              Go kick rocks.

          • mike

            Your a loser

            • Naki

              Leave him alone. How many of us make mistakes? Telling someone that they should have brought a condom After the fact then you’re just being a douche. Trolls.

  • Getem1984

    I currently live with my mother and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I can actually afford to live on my own at the moment, but it’s just my mother and I, so I see no reason to move out, unless I start dating again.

    Staying with my mother I’m able to save a lot more money than what I would if I were to get my own place or a roommate. Also, the house that we’re living in will be mine if(God forbid) anything happens to her. She doesn’t mind my living here and I love it here, so it all works out. We both help each other out.

    • Keels

      Well good for you…I’m glad your relationship with your mom is cool like that. Stack yo money girl.

    • bigdawgman

      Good for you! That moving out just because of peer pressure is ridiculous. Back in the day people stayed until they were married, and sometimes even after they were married. Living with my parents as an adult allowed me to see that marriage is no bed of roses. Made it a lot easier when I did get married (and moved out). No unrealistic expectations.

  • Alohilani

    Despite all of these, if one cannot yet afford to live on their own, they’ll end up right back at home.

    • Ricoswagg

      Not likely they will just get government help

    • nathan bedford

      or prison trying to supplement the income of their minimum wage jobs.

    • lost

      yes I know the feeling my step son has done this plenty of times not my problem I try giving him the skills he desires to quit & live off my money…..!