But He Say She Just A Friend…Signs You’re Really A Surrogate Girlfriend

December 4, 2012  |  
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It’s great to have a close male friend with whom there is no sexual attraction—a guy that can give you insight into the mind of men, help you fend off creeps at bars, and lift that giant couch of yours when it’s time to move. But the line between being a guy’s close girl friend and being his surrogate girlfriend is a thin one, and if you cross it, your friendship can get messy. If a guy sees you as a surrogate girlfriend he might resent when you date other men, and even give up on finding himself a real girlfriend. Why should he? He already gets basically everything he would in a girlfriend from you. And as for the other stuff, well, there’s the Internet for that. Here are signs you’ve become a surrogate girlfriend.


He’s very touchy

He holds your hand while walking down the street, he gives you lots of hugs, he kisses you on the forehead, he’ll hold you when you’re standing outside in the cold, he even wants to cuddle during movies. That’s not just buddy behavior.



You’re his plus one

Before even thinking about a love interest he could invite to his company holiday party or his cousin’s wedding, he just goes straight to inviting you as his plus one to everything. You’re all ready to go, no complications, and he doesn’t have to fear rejection.

Source: Shutterstock

When something good happens…

You’re the first person he calls when he gets a job he wanted. Oh, who are we kidding? He was texting you from every red light on the drive to the job interview, from the waiting room, and even when the interviewer left the room for a minute. You’re his soundboard for excitement.



When something bad happens…

On the flip side, when he gets laid off, or gets in a fight with his mother, you’re the first one he calls, or asks to get a drink with to blow off steam.


You travel together

Who needs a romantic getaway when you can do all the same stuff, at the couples price, with your BFF? When there is a good deal on a room in Vegas or a cruise, he asks you to be his travel buddy.



You get Groupons together

He regularly sends you Groupon deals meant for two. He’s comfortable enough to let you know he’s got a coupon and only interested in making you the second redeemer.


He doesn’t flirt in front of you

He doesn’t flirt in front of you because he doesn’t ever want you to question your use in his life. He doesn’t want to risk losing his surrogate girlfriend just because a potential real girlfriend comes in the picture!


His mom loves you

Men listen to what their mothers say. You can bet that if the guy’s mom loves you, then to make her happy he keeps you around a lot, including family dinners and even trips. He wants to give her hope that maybe you’ll be the one…


When he wants to be alone, he wants to be with you

When he says he wants “down time” and to skip the bar scene for a night, but he wants to spend that “down time” with you, you’re pretty much the one.


He pays for you

Men like the feeling of providing for a woman. If your guy friend doesn’t have a girlfriend, you might be the one lucking out when it comes time to pay the check at meals.

Source: iStock

He won’t hook up with your friends

Even if you encourage it, he will not so much as flirt with your female friends, let alone hook up with or date them. That would compromise his surrogate relationship with you (obviously, because your own friend doesn’t want to see you running around acting like a girlfriend to the guy she is dating!)


He doesn’t want you hooking up with his friends

Even though you’re technically just friends, he feels like he is fulfilling the role as your boyfriend too, so he doesn’t want his friends going near you.


He’s always there to help

When it’s time to hunt for an apartment, negotiate the price on a car, paint a room, or set up for a party, your guy friend is there, without even being asked.


He doesn’t want to hear about your sex life

He cringes a little, puts his hand up in disgust, or changes the subject when you start talking about your sex life. Obviously he doesn’t want to picture his surrogate girlfriend in bed with someone else!

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  • angchronicles

    What if you’re a so called girlfriend and he doesn’t call when something exciting or bad happens, doesn’t send you groupons or invite you on travel dates, and when he wants to be alone, he means it…although you’re 3000 miles apart and only see each other every four or so months. Hmm, according to this article, I’d rather be a surrogate girlfriend. Sooner or later somethings gotta give. Of course in this case, the surrogate should let it be known…She’s not into him/her. We shouldn’t lead people on, it’s hurtful.

  • Nope

    1. Make sure it’s not just all in your head
    2. Women attract women, so you could very well just be a place holder or bait
    3. Women in these situations don’t come up empty handed. They’re still getting attention.

  • Quinn

    Sounds like my gay roommate…Lol

  • ctelle

    Okay I will admit I have been a few surrogates girlfriends then…. oh well

  • Say What?

    Not clicking through all that, I just assume he sleeps with you, has you do the girlfriend duties (i.e. cook, occasionally do his laundry, etc) but he never introduces you as his girlfriend, takes you out, etc. Sounds like BS and if you got scammed then wake up and don’t let it happen again.

    • Nah, she wasn’t talking about being the doormat booty call. This one is he is your platonic “friend” but treats you like someone he wants more with but for whatever reason he hasn’t manned up to ask you to be his lady.

      • Say What?

        Somebody needs to read it and tell me cause I need to know what it says!

  • Kellz

    I so wanted to read this but not for 15 clicks… Waiting for someone to sum it up

    • Basically, they’re saying he treats you like a girlfriend. Or someone he hopes will be his girlfriend one day.

      • Sheena

        Julia strikes again smh

      • L-Boogie

        Why be secret squirrel with it? Sometimes that can drive someone crazy.