Under A Dry Spell? Signs You Need To Get Laid, And Soon!

December 6, 2012  |  
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I’m not going to sugar coat this for the single ladies: sex is good for you! Really good for you. It boosts your self image, it sends all sorts of relaxation chemicals through your body, and it’s a nice little reminder that you’re totally desirable. When you haven’t had a play date in the bedroom in a while, your body and brain take a hit! Here are signs you need to get laid and soon.



Your bed’s a mess

There is a nice, designated spot where you clearly curl up every night, and around that is scattered candy wrappers, magazines, takeout receipts, your dog(s) or cat(s) and all of their toys.


You forgot where you keep your condoms

That really big Costco pack you bought forever ago, maybe when you last became single again, yeah—you don’t remember where you put that thing.


Your underwear is getting raggedy

The truly nice underwear is usually delicate and needs to be hand washed. But if you haven’t been bringing anybody home lately, you’ve probably been sticking to the full-butted, period-perfect panties. And since those need to be machine washed, your underwear is getting raggedy and worn out.


You need scissors to shave

If you’re a shaver instead of a waxer, when it comes time to maintain your va-jay-jay, you need to bring in a pair of scissors before razors can even go near the area! And then you need three razors.


You don’t even want to talk about sex

When your girlfriends start dishing about their one-night stands, or even making jokes about how they haven’t had one in a while, you don’t want to talk. You’re too depressed about not being laid, that you don’t even want to talk about being depressed about not being laid. It’s not even funny anymore.


Your mom’s concerned

Even your own mother is making hints that a little human contact of the carnal kind would do you good.


Your friends stopped asking

Usually when girlfriends get together. the conversation starts with “How are you? How’s work? Are there any guys???” But, your friends end it at, “How’s work?” with you. Even they know it will depress you to be asked about men.


You’ve forgotten how to do things…

If you try really, really hard to visualize it, you can’t exactly remember how to handle that very special part of the male anatomy.



You’ve done naked examinations

You’ve stood in front of the mirror, sometimes for fifteen minutes, examining every part of your body. This usually ends with the words, “Could be worse.”


You forget to wear a bra

When you go to the grocery store or run an errand, you forget some of the most basic parts of making yourself look decent, like putting on a bra, taking out your curlers, and putting on some freaking lip gloss!  You’ve totally forgotten that meeting a guy is a possibility.


Adult Videos makes you uncomfortable

Or even a sex scene in a movie. You’ve started to turn your face away during sex scenes, like you would if your mom were in the room, but nobody is there…Sex is just such a foreign thing to you now, it makes you uncomfortable to see others having it.


You’ve gained weight

A relatively active sex life is great motivation to stay in shape. You usually forego large dinners or late night snacks when you know you’ll be active later, plus you can’t keep your giant comfy t-shirt on to cover up those wobbly parts during sex. So if you’ve gained a few lbs. it could be time to get back into lingerie shape.


You actually believe you’re too busy

You’ve begun to compare yourself to grand and impressive women that probably don’t have time for sex, like the Queen of England, Hillary Clinton or the females in the Doctors without Borders programs. Here is one little problem: you do have time for sex. Plenty of it.



You’ve ordered everything on Netflix

Need I say more on this one?



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  • Chanda

    I ain’t mad at ‘cha but pick your partner(s) wisely. It’s a jungle out there.

  • hagai

    I want to thank Dr Odogbe who helped me with his spell to conceive. I have been married for the past 7years I and my partner had no babies we have done every medical test to find out if we were okay but all the test show we are okay but we were still unable to have our baby, but through the help of Dr Odogbe of anoitedtemple@gmail.com I contacted him to cast a spell for me to make me pregnant the only thing he ask from me to enable him cast the spell for me is the money for him to buy the items he needed, so I paid him for the items and he cast the pregnant spell for me, after he has cast the spell he told me to sleep with my partner that once I sleep with my partner I will conceive and a week letter I should go for a check to confirm my result. So that day I really slept with my husband and after that week I went for a check as I was told after the check up the Dr congratulate me that I am pregnant, this was how I became pregnant my baby is 7months old now. All thank to Dr Odogbe of anoitedtemple@gmail.com indeed he is a great helper to women.

    By; Linda

  • CarlaKah


  • Pingback: Signs You Need To Get Laid, And SOON! | Lady J's Voice()

  • Hmm this is all fine and dandy to me, But just don’t go flip flopping and preaching about how much you love Jesus.and how much the church means to you next week.

    Nothing worse than young christian women who selectively pick and choose which words of God they can follow but then want to pass themselves off as Christians. Practice what you preach sisters. Either you put god first or youre a hypocrite.

  • kittypoo

    Am I the only one who noticed the pregnant girl eating chips?

    • natasha

      I was like is that girl pregnant in an article about not having had sex in a loooong time? you were not the only one that noticed that. lol

  • BIGwalt

    For the toy players, don’t forget to take that toy out,IF you get a date!

  • bigdawgman

    This article seems awfully suspect to me, and I’m a man! Judging from the comments I guess it sounds really stupid to women. Girl is sounding real thirsty, she might need to get some therapy. I think there are other issues here. So the only reason you keep yourself looking nice is to have sex??? Hmmmm….. smh

  • Mary

    I never wear lip gloss, so it’s kinda funny to think that wearing lip gloss is what you must have to get a decent guy, maybe that’s where I went wrong.

  • Candacey Doris

    Doing it just because it’s been awhile can lead to some bad stuff. Like hooking up with someone you would never have looked at otherwise, having an unwanted child, or just plain hating yourself afterwards. If it’s been awhile, maybe it’s a sign that you need to start looking elsewhere for guys that are compatible rather than just start looking for guys.

  • Ladybug94

    Julia aren’t you the same one with the high octane sex drive who had an issue when a guy you were with was trying to be respectful. smh

  • Get a toy or two. Hunting for some cause its been awhile is silly. Learn to hook yourself up and wait until you meet the right one.

    • …………….

      Exactly… toys are awesome and get the job done!

    • pretty1908

      I have one ….nice looking out though 🙂

      • Lol. IJS don’t nobody gotta hit the ho’ stroll just to take the edge off. Get yourself a rabbit and have a seat!

    • Preach! There is too much crazy and too many diseases to be casual with men these days. If it’s not Mr. Right, then it’s the rabbit! LOL

  • pretty1908

    *sighs* I rather abstain while single. Casual sex is overrated and extremely dangerous. Yes , Orgasms are great, but spiritual and emotional peace is waaaaay better. Funny article

  • Earthspirit1

    This article had me laughing in my office this morning. It’s just too hilarious! :-))

  • afroveda

    I understand that sex is pleasurable and has it’s benefits, but it should only be had under certain conditions. For some that might mean being in a committed relationship and for a few it might even mean being married. I couldn’t take this article seriously. It was the equivalent of a gag gift…not good, sound advice at all. A joke. No one can tell me when it’s been too long but me. I mean if your bed is messy you need to clean it up, not have sex.

  • KJS

    When its time for a fade thats always an indictor for me

  • IsaiditJulia

    This is not the best advice! I bet Julia Austin is single with no man! Probably because all she do is get LAID!

  • You stop trying..
    A lot of women stop trying a couple of years down the marriage road because the know (or think) doing silly stuff are for women who want to get a man.

    • JaneDoe

      Thats why most their husbands cheat bc they don’t do silly stuff…

    • ……………..

      A lot of the cheat regardless

  • IllyPhilly

    Screw all that other stuff. Orgasms are good for you so get to your local Condom Kingdom and stop playing or start playing.