Under A Dry Spell? Signs You Need To Get Laid, And Soon!

December 6, 2012  |  
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I’m not going to sugar coat this for the single ladies: sex is good for you! Really good for you. It boosts your self image, it sends all sorts of relaxation chemicals through your body, and it’s a nice little reminder that you’re totally desirable. When you haven’t had a play date in the bedroom in a while, your body and brain take a hit! Here are signs you need to get laid and soon.

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Your bed’s a mess

There is a nice, designated spot where you clearly curl up every night, and around that is scattered candy wrappers, magazines, takeout receipts, your dog(s) or cat(s) and all of their toys.

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You forgot where you keep your condoms

That really big Costco pack you bought forever ago, maybe when you last became single again, yeah—you don’t remember where you put that thing.

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Your underwear is getting raggedy

The truly nice underwear is usually delicate and needs to be hand washed. But if you haven’t been bringing anybody home lately, you’ve probably been sticking to the full-butted, period-perfect panties. And since those need to be machine washed, your underwear is getting raggedy and worn out.

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You need scissors to shave

If you’re a shaver instead of a waxer, when it comes time to maintain your va-jay-jay, you need to bring in a pair of scissors before razors can even go near the area! And then you need three razors.

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You don’t even want to talk about sex

When your girlfriends start dishing about their one-night stands, or even making jokes about how they haven’t had one in a while, you don’t want to talk. You’re too depressed about not being laid, that you don’t even want to talk about being depressed about not being laid. It’s not even funny anymore.

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Your mom’s concerned

Even your own mother is making hints that a little human contact of the carnal kind would do you good.

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Your friends stopped asking

Usually when girlfriends get together. the conversation starts with “How are you? How’s work? Are there any guys???” But, your friends end it at, “How’s work?” with you. Even they know it will depress you to be asked about men.

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You’ve forgotten how to do things…

If you try really, really hard to visualize it, you can’t exactly remember how to handle that very special part of the male anatomy.

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You’ve done naked examinations

You’ve stood in front of the mirror, sometimes for fifteen minutes, examining every part of your body. This usually ends with the words, “Could be worse.”

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You forget to wear a bra

When you go to the grocery store or run an errand, you forget some of the most basic parts of making yourself look decent, like putting on a bra, taking out your curlers, and putting on some freaking lip gloss!  You’ve totally forgotten that meeting a guy is a possibility.

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Adult Videos makes you uncomfortable

Or even a sex scene in a movie. You’ve started to turn your face away during sex scenes, like you would if your mom were in the room, but nobody is there…Sex is just such a foreign thing to you now, it makes you uncomfortable to see others having it.

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You’ve gained weight

A relatively active sex life is great motivation to stay in shape. You usually forego large dinners or late night snacks when you know you’ll be active later, plus you can’t keep your giant comfy t-shirt on to cover up those wobbly parts during sex. So if you’ve gained a few lbs. it could be time to get back into lingerie shape.

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You actually believe you’re too busy

You’ve begun to compare yourself to grand and impressive women that probably don’t have time for sex, like the Queen of England, Hillary Clinton or the females in the Doctors without Borders programs. Here is one little problem: you do have time for sex. Plenty of it.

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You’ve ordered everything on Netflix

Need I say more on this one?

 

 

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