Don’t Play The Pushover: 14 Signs You Let Men Walk All Over You

December 4th, 2012 - By Julia Austin
"black couple arguing pf"

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You just like to think of yourself as agreeable, pleasant, sweet, diplomatic and patient. But, sweetest of sweethearts, if your relationship is nowhere near what you want it to be, you might just be a pushover. And there’s nothing pleasant about that. Here are signs you let men walk all over you.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/joy.gallary Joy Gallary

    i’m just as much at fault here as any guy… i mean i have gone ‘all weird’ for a few days sometimes when a guy has said too soon ‘so are you my gf?’… everyone moves at their own pace. different ‘stuff’ is going down in people’s lives eg. kids, shared parenting even. i think it’s about finding a balance between being honest, being accepting of where you are at, knowing what you want, and knowing what the other person is offering you at that time. having boundaries helps. if you’re not sure you’re committed, or not sure they are, then just be open and conversational about it. maybe neither of you are ready to make up your minds. maybe neither of you are with the person you are truly looking for, yet maybe you like what you have for now? i don’t know. everyone is different. some people have just come out of some kinda hectic break up, or a long term relationship that was hard to leave though drifted apart. who knows. flexibility? honesty. be nice to each other. if you are really clever and liberated have an open relationship if you want, i don’t recommend it but each to their own.

  • Kisses

    This is a strong list! I dated a manchild who’s “sometime girlfriend, sometime best friend, but really girlfriend when she asked and best friend when the rest of the world inquired” exhibited all of these traits. I know this because he frequently invited us into the same common space like it was cool! She was polite and one of those chicks who wears her heart on her Facebook sleeve….and I know this because she requested to be my friend on Facebook! She didn’t seem to mind that he and I were all hugged up or hanging out frequently, and since he was clearly lying to me about their relationship, I wasn’t aware until she hijacked his phone and went on an emotional rant before using his GPS to show up at my house to continue said rant! Homegirl brought all that drama on herself by being a doormat!

    • Kisses

      And I didn’t even mention that homegirl would cook for him and his lowdown self would come by my job and give it to me for lunch! I threw out SOO much of her tupperware out of anger when things hit the fan…to her credit, though, homegirl can throw down LMAO

  • Pingback: 14 Signs Youre A Total Pushover | Madame Noire | Black Womens Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love « Rantins 'N' Ravins

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    I feel like I’m letting this website push me over, I clicked through all 14 of those darn pages and I feel used and abused. LOL

  • KJ23

    This article was hard to read because it was true. My last two relationships were abusive (one emotionally, the other physically) and all of the things on this list pertained to me. I am a pushover, and I honestly thought that I was just being non-argumentative and easy going. Now, I have a child with the one who was physically abusive, so he’ll always be in my life (we’re not together anymore, but I won’t keep him from seeing our daughter). I’m so strong in everything else in my life, I just don’t know how I got like this in relationships. I’m definitely bookmarking this article.

    • Bright like a diamond

      I too am finally accepting that I am a pushover. My “father” was not there for me during my parents twelve year marriage. My parents argued and fought a lot. I vowed at a young age that I would not be that way…So, I guess I am a pushover to avoid being like my parents…smh!

  • bluekissess

    I just want to know the Mission Statement of this website. What is the demograhics (age range) is this website targeted to? Because I don’t see anything that empowers women. I see articles that place us in a box. These articles give a perception that black women are weak, uneducated, lack self-esteem & crazy. Yesterday this website had articles about “cheaters” now today it’s three articles about the “married life.” These articles are discouraging and misleading. At times sexist. Women writers who’s opinions and outlooks of the world have been placed in a box. MN needs to acknowledge the needs of it’s readers. And I will keep voicing this until the proper changes are made. I’m not going to read this article. I’m sure I’ve read something similar months ago.

  • Bella

    I think saying pushovers don’t value their time is a bit harsh – they’re pushovers, they don’t know any better. It could be to do with fear or keeping the guy around for as long as possible without scaring him away with ‘labels’ (and yes, this is an excuse I’ve heard plenty of girls say. Sad, but true). They just need to be more assertive is all.

    • http://www.facebook.com/joy.gallary Joy Gallary

      yeh they just lack boundaries and structure… some people are just a bit too flowy and flexi… but if you are only pretending to be easy going when you are not really then it’s not lack of assertion it’s lack of personal direction. some people just haven’t really decided who they are and what they want. step two would be to actually go out and get it, or attract it. assertion probably doesn’t come into it much. you could be quiet and have very strong boundaries and know exactly what you want and not tolerate any crossing of your boundary. guys respond mostly to actions not words when it comes to boundary setting ( so they say, and i agree with them.. you know ‘they’)

  • TRUTH IS

    Am done trying to figure out…seriously!!