Don’t Play The Pushover: 14 Signs You Let Men Walk All Over You

December 4, 2012  |  
"black couple arguing pf"

You just like to think of yourself as agreeable, pleasant, sweet, diplomatic and patient. But, sweetest of sweethearts, if your relationship is nowhere near what you want it to be, you might just be a pushover. And there’s nothing pleasant about that. Here are signs you let men walk all over you.

"couple in bed pf"

You don’t know if he’s your boyfriend

You’ve been carrying on something-like-a-relationship with a man for months, and yet you don’t know what you are. Neither of you use the term “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” though, you’d like to. You’re not 100% certain he’s being exclusive with you, though, you’d like him to be. A strong, assertive woman doesn’t allow that situation to go on for long! She says, “Listen; either we are in a relationship, or we’re nothing. And I need to know so I can either commit or move on with my life.” But pushovers don’t value their own time enough to say that.

"Woman vacuuming pf"

 

You do his chores

He’s tired, or busy, or stressed, so you do his chores around the house. Huh, look at that—you’ve done his chores for the last two months. Duh! Because there is always an excuse for him not to do them. Don’t you get tired, busy and stressed on a regular basis, too? Of course you do. But you don’t make excuses. You suck it up and clean that bathroom. But, for some reason you let your man make excuses. Again, a pushover doesn’t value her own time. She thinks her man’s excuses are more valid than her own. But that is so not true.

"Group of guys drinking beer pf"

The guys are always at your house

Boy’s night is always at your house, for which you end up cooking, cleaning, and disappearing so the guys can have the house to themselves. Want to know why boy’s night is not happening at the other homes? Because the other girlfriends and wives aren’t pushovers!

"friends pf"

You often say, “That’s just how he is”

Nobody is perfect and you’ll have to make a few allowances with anyone you date. But if you regularly hear the words, “That’s just how he is” coming out of your mouth, that’s because your guy is regularly doing something that bothers you. And you won’t confront him about it.

"Couple watching TV pf"

You haven’t been on a date in a while

Your nights with your man are spent eating takeout and watching TV. That’s fine, but he hasn’t planned a nice, special, just-for-you date in months. Want to know why? Because you’ve given him the idea he doesn’t have to. Why should he put in any effort when you’ve shown you’ll still be totally attentive, loving and devoted to him when he puts in zero effort?

"Unhappy couple on the couch pf"

You like to avoid conflict

If the words, “I like to avoid conflict” are true to your character, odds are you are a pushover. Look, a healthy person doesn’t like conflict, seeking it out at every corner. However, they also don’t avoid it when that conflict could be the bridge that brings them more happiness. If you’re avoiding conflict at all costs, one of those costs is your own satisfaction in your relationship.

"Woman reading a book pf"

You have a long list of things you’d like to do

Movies you’d like to see, restaurants you’d like to eat at, friends you want to get drinks with. It is a long list. And it started growing a long time ago. That’s probably because you always go to the restaurant he wants to go to, or see the movie he wants to see.

"Guys hanging out pf"

You’re always with his friends

Each partner would naturally rather be with his or her own friends. But that shouldn’t let your partner off the hook of sacrificing a few boy’s nights to attend your girl’s nights. If you’re hanging with your guy’s guys all the time, it’s probably because he won’t bend at all in his social calendar. And if you want to see him, you just have to follow him.

"black couple arguing pf"

You say “sorry” a lot

Does that word come out of your mouth a dozen or more times a day? Well, SORRY, but you’re probably a pushover. You probably apologize whether you did something wrong or not, just to appease your guy. You’d rather have him be happy with you, than stand your ground.

"woman at work pf"

You’ve given up big things for guys

Passed up on a job because he thought it would take up too much of your time, passed up on an apartment because it was further across town than he wanted to drive to see you, even passed up on friends because he didn’t like them. You shouldn’t be passing up on big things that genuinely make you happy for anybody! A guy that wanted you to be happy would never allow you to give those things up.

"TV family pf"

He doesn’t know your friends or family

He always has an excuse not to meet them, and you don’t argue with him. But again, there always will be an excuse if he looks for one. A strong, assertive woman says, “Nuh uh, sorry but my friends and family are a part of me. If you’re going to have me in your life, you need to let them in your life too. We come as a package. Take it or leave it.”

"black couple arguing pf"

Your friends have to stand up for you

Your friends should not be getting into screaming matches, or even matches of sarcastic, snarling comments with your guy, in your defense. And trust me: they don’t want to. If they have done so, it’s because they felt they had to because you wouldn’t do it for yourself.

"Jealous woman at a bar pf"

 

You regularly feel jealous

Your partner should not be making you feel jealous on a regular basis. But, if you didn’t say something the first time, he didn’t know to amend his behavior. More importantly, if a man is going so far as to flirt with other women, it’s because he knows you won’t do or say anything about it.

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  • VRJensen1 .

    I exhibit all these symptoms in Spades!…I think of myself as the quintessential nice guy…but I must just be just a Complete and Utter Pushover…no wonder she’s feeling like she loves me like I’m her brother. HELP!!!

  • i’m just as much at fault here as any guy… i mean i have gone ‘all weird’ for a few days sometimes when a guy has said too soon ‘so are you my gf?’… everyone moves at their own pace. different ‘stuff’ is going down in people’s lives eg. kids, shared parenting even. i think it’s about finding a balance between being honest, being accepting of where you are at, knowing what you want, and knowing what the other person is offering you at that time. having boundaries helps. if you’re not sure you’re committed, or not sure they are, then just be open and conversational about it. maybe neither of you are ready to make up your minds. maybe neither of you are with the person you are truly looking for, yet maybe you like what you have for now? i don’t know. everyone is different. some people have just come out of some kinda hectic break up, or a long term relationship that was hard to leave though drifted apart. who knows. flexibility? honesty. be nice to each other. if you are really clever and liberated have an open relationship if you want, i don’t recommend it but each to their own.

  • Kisses

    This is a strong list! I dated a manchild who’s “sometime girlfriend, sometime best friend, but really girlfriend when she asked and best friend when the rest of the world inquired” exhibited all of these traits. I know this because he frequently invited us into the same common space like it was cool! She was polite and one of those chicks who wears her heart on her Facebook sleeve….and I know this because she requested to be my friend on Facebook! She didn’t seem to mind that he and I were all hugged up or hanging out frequently, and since he was clearly lying to me about their relationship, I wasn’t aware until she hijacked his phone and went on an emotional rant before using his GPS to show up at my house to continue said rant! Homegirl brought all that drama on herself by being a doormat!

    • Kisses

      And I didn’t even mention that homegirl would cook for him and his lowdown self would come by my job and give it to me for lunch! I threw out SOO much of her tupperware out of anger when things hit the fan…to her credit, though, homegirl can throw down LMAO

  • Pingback: 14 Signs Youre A Total Pushover | Madame Noire | Black Womens Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love « Rantins 'N' Ravins()

  • I feel like I’m letting this website push me over, I clicked through all 14 of those darn pages and I feel used and abused. LOL

  • KJ23

    This article was hard to read because it was true. My last two relationships were abusive (one emotionally, the other physically) and all of the things on this list pertained to me. I am a pushover, and I honestly thought that I was just being non-argumentative and easy going. Now, I have a child with the one who was physically abusive, so he’ll always be in my life (we’re not together anymore, but I won’t keep him from seeing our daughter). I’m so strong in everything else in my life, I just don’t know how I got like this in relationships. I’m definitely bookmarking this article.

    • Bright like a diamond

      I too am finally accepting that I am a pushover. My “father” was not there for me during my parents twelve year marriage. My parents argued and fought a lot. I vowed at a young age that I would not be that way…So, I guess I am a pushover to avoid being like my parents…smh!

  • bluekissess

    I just want to know the Mission Statement of this website. What is the demograhics (age range) is this website targeted to? Because I don’t see anything that empowers women. I see articles that place us in a box. These articles give a perception that black women are weak, uneducated, lack self-esteem & crazy. Yesterday this website had articles about “cheaters” now today it’s three articles about the “married life.” These articles are discouraging and misleading. At times sexist. Women writers who’s opinions and outlooks of the world have been placed in a box. MN needs to acknowledge the needs of it’s readers. And I will keep voicing this until the proper changes are made. I’m not going to read this article. I’m sure I’ve read something similar months ago.

  • Bella

    I think saying pushovers don’t value their time is a bit harsh – they’re pushovers, they don’t know any better. It could be to do with fear or keeping the guy around for as long as possible without scaring him away with ‘labels’ (and yes, this is an excuse I’ve heard plenty of girls say. Sad, but true). They just need to be more assertive is all.

    • yeh they just lack boundaries and structure… some people are just a bit too flowy and flexi… but if you are only pretending to be easy going when you are not really then it’s not lack of assertion it’s lack of personal direction. some people just haven’t really decided who they are and what they want. step two would be to actually go out and get it, or attract it. assertion probably doesn’t come into it much. you could be quiet and have very strong boundaries and know exactly what you want and not tolerate any crossing of your boundary. guys respond mostly to actions not words when it comes to boundary setting ( so they say, and i agree with them.. you know ‘they’)

  • TRUTH IS

    Am done trying to figure out…seriously!!