Ask A Very Smart Brotha: My Husband Was Sending Suspicious Texts, Should I Leave Him?

November 28, 2012  |  
Hi Damon,
My name is Tiffani, My question is…… My friend and I been friends for twenty years. I have always have romantic feelings for him up until now,he recently ended his relationship. Lately,our relationship have been more than friends. At first I was happy I had no worries but now I’m fearful. I guess, this is stemming from my own insecurities and over thinking. I wanted to know how can I overcome my own self doubt about our relationship. He is a great guy and he have a lot of qualities I want in a man. And how can I be supportive during his break up.


Dear Tiffani,
First, I will say that it’s a good sign that you were able to be friends before the romance began. A huge problem I’ve noticed with many people’s relationships is that they’re dating people they wouldn’t be cool with if they didn’t happen to be seeing them. There are myriad reasons why this could occur—and by “myriad reasons” I mean “usually, they just think they’re hot, and don’t really care that they actually kind of hate them”—and there’s no sense in committing to someone if you wouldn’t be cool with them if you weren’t f@cking.
With that being said, two things about your situation concern me. One, it’s odd that you’ve been friends for this long and just now figured out that you’re attracted to each other. I mean, I can understand being cool with someone for a couple years before realizing you have deeper feelings, but 20? Not saying that it’s impossible to feel that way, but perhaps there are other emotional factors causing you to feel that way. Also, it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long since his break up, which raises the possibility that you might be a rebound.
I guess what I’m getting at is that you’re actually right to be concerned about the future of this relationship. I know things have been great so far for you and that’s great, but perhaps you two need to step back for a while and see if this is what you both really want. If it’s meant to be, then it’ll still be meant to be after the break.
Damon Young

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