Finding Good Love Is Hard For Halle–And Everybody Else: Why The Grass Isn’t Always Prettier On The Other Side

28 comments
November 28, 2012 ‐ By Charing Ball

FayesVision/WENN.com

This whole Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry and Olivier Martinez triangle is the stuff of daytime soap operas, Tyler Perry scripts and late night Nollywood films (yes, Nollywood, not Hollywood, I’m a HUGE fan). I’ve been popping popcorn for two days now. But it also confirms something I have suspected for a long time: the grass ain’t always greener on the other side.

Halle Berry has managed to obliterate everything some of us want to believe about modern dating, particularly black women and dating. No, despite ever growing popular opinion, going white isn’t always right, and can end just as bad as (if not worse) a relationship with a black, brown, green or purple man. And no, dating a younger man doesn’t guarantee easier relations either. Oh yeah, and being pretty doesn’t shield you from ugly drama either.

I mean, this is Halle Berry we are talking about. Halle. Berry. She is, by all generalizations, the ideal standard of beauty.  Matter of fact, in 2003, she was named Most Beautiful Woman in the World by People, which is a huge feat for any woman, let alone a woman of color. There are not too many men – and some women too – in this world, who would say they would kick Halle Berry out of bed. But even despite her international allure, she stays in more relationship drama than a little bit.

David Justice? Wesley Snipes? Eric Benet? Gabriel Aubry? Seriously, if Halle Berry can’t get her love life straight, what hope is there for the rest of us? It just shouldn’t be this hard out here for a beautiful pimp.

There’s a lot of research, as well as general belief, which suggests that good-looking people enjoy many perks in life, chief among them is having no difficulty attracting potential partners. However, beauty can be a double-edged sword and what works at attracting a partner can also work at keeping them away too.  Take for instance the alpha man, motivated by his own ego, who sees a beautiful woman as just a sexual conquest or a trophy as opposed to a long term relationship. On the flip side of that is the gentle beta man, who while motivated by the heart and emotional intimacy, may feel too intimidated by a beautiful woman to act upon his feelings.

Certainly, many beautiful women have found their soul mates, however being beautiful is not a guarantee that love and happiness will be mutually exclusive. As the old saying goes, which has floated from the lips of many men I’ve met over the years; show me a beautiful woman and I’ll show you someone who is sick of tapping that. And just like the rest of us average looking plain Johns and Janes, beautiful people have to work at relationships too. And they also make really bad choices in mates as well.

Judging by the severity of Aubry’s face, I think Martinez might have some anger management issues. I’ve actually seen people, who stole something from someone, not have their faces jacked up the way Aubry’s is thanks to Halle’s new man. Probably the biggest saving grace for the beautiful is that if one relationship fails, there are never short of other potential partners to take his or her place. And one thing I can say about Berry is that despite the drama, and what they might say about her when news stories like the Thanksgiving Berry brawl surface, there is no shortage of men willing to roll around in the trenches for her affection. So she will be all right.

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  • bluekissess

    The no daddy syndrome is not always the case. It’s a plethora of girls who have a father but the father treats the mother like crap. So the “no daddy” syndrome excuse can go so far. Halle is in her forties I hope she isn’t using that as an excuse. Playing the victim is weak. She needs to forgive her father and take responsibility of her own judgement

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      True. Why she can’t form a healthy relationship probably has a lot to do with her not having first hand knowledge of one. Just my two cents. To be honest I believe its more a Hollywood thing than a Halle thing.

  • relationshipdna

    You’ve hit the nail on the head and if most women understood this about themselves, we’d stop running around here messing with men who don’t know how to love.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      If they stopped looking externally for validation that can only come from within they would be far ahead of the game. Little girls need to feel like their the apple of their daddies eye and that there is one man in this world who thinks she puts the stars in the sky and makes the world turn. Without that she will go hunting for it anywhere she can get it.

  • relationshipdna

    Finding love has absolutely nothing to do with who you’re dating or how beautiful you are. If your relationship DNA isn’t set for understanding or accepting “good” love, you won’t be able to appreciate it even if it slapped you in your face. Halle Berry is pretty much in the same category as Mary J (used to be), Rihanna and all women who have these love and relationship problems…I call them Actresses because of all the drama they either seek out or attract in their lives.

    These kinds of women are full of daddy issues and have never learned to love themselves..I know because I was just like them. If she never takes the time to do some real self introspection and learn to love herself, she will never be able to recognize and demand to be loved right.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Good introspect. I think daddy has some to do with it, but I think the fame monster probably has a lot to do with it. Not just black women are going through relationship turmoil in Hollywood. Pick any famous celeb woman white or black and you will find nothing but relationship drama.

  • heyheynow

    this sounds like a hater article…..#ijs what is your point you shouldn’t be jealous of pretty people? we all know prettier isn’t always easier look at people like j-lo, I swear mariah settled for nick, and kelly rowland what’s going on with her…no need to hate on pretty folk.there will always be drama in love pretty people just have more suitors..thanks

  • Pingback: Finding Good Love Is Hard For Halle–And – Madame Noire | Love Advice

  • Just Peachy!

    I wonder if Halle feels if she may have picked the wrong man again? If her current beau will fly off the handle with her while their child is around is what I am and I hope other mothers are questioning. Regardless of what the frustrations or issues are about, there has to remain a certain level of respect & courtesy for the child and the actual parents of said child.

    I get sometimes you can’t help an argument but it should never lead to that much physical contact in a child’s presence, to the point where you can’t even say it was a simple misunderstanding. Now Nahla can look at her dad & future step-dad and wonder what, why and who did this to you? No different than if Oliver would of done this to her mom. There should be no threats made to either party, implied or real. There is a custody battle between 2 parties not 3, so stay in your lane.As parents & protectors of your seed, you should exude enough strength & class so outsiders don’t feel like they even have a say. To me there is enough blame to go around.

  • http://theburningbush.disqus.com/ TheBurningBush

    One day y’all going to realize and find out what David Justice and all the rest of her former mates know that is Halle Berry is no more than a so call beautiful, high paid, treacherous, low character hood rat living the high life.

  • tesbestlife

    There are some women who simply don’t know how to be alone. They move from one man to the next believing that THIS man will be different from the last. They never take a breath or a moment to explore why they keep attracting and becoming deeply involved with men who may hurt them emotionally, spiritually and sometimes physically. I believe that any person who has experienced a series of dysfunctional reIationships should really just put ish on pause, and take a long minute to reassess their own character.
    I have friends, male and female, who are quick to get involved in relationships and within no time they are forgetting about taking care of themselves because they are so consumed by the relationship. Then when things don’t work out as they had hoped they have to start all over again because they gave too much of themsleves away in the relationship. Life does not happen by mistake or coincidence. Most of the time, we choose what we allow to take root in our minds and hearts, and we have to be willing to be 100% accountable for those choices.

  • kb

    being attractive is just like having a lot of money , it might open doors but doesn’t guarantee happiness. Those who have extremes of either find themselves very lonely and isolated.

    • yeppers

      Both can be very intimidating in my opinion. I for one get MANY STARES when I go out and compliments from Strangers. But when Im around close male friends church and other places never get asked out. Only stares….or awkward compliments. Men may thumb me down but I dont think its all that easy for women well put together to get asked out. Guys either think u are above them some kinda way or would say no. Its really disheartening. I ask my mother all the time…What is the deal??? Do I look like I dont speak to people or what? Or that no one is supposed to come talk to me. I cant understand it, and Im one of the nicest people you can ever meet. lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

    i can’t stand when people expect beauty to mean a stress free life. i know that some of you stereotypes are happy about the drama in halle berry’s life. understand,that you’re still you and she’s still halle berry. now,i’m off my soapbox.

    • yeppers

      I get what you are saying….But I think the stigma and stereotypes come from mens own mouths…most guys if asked about beautiful women like Halle, Beyonce, Kerry and others is that they are perfection and would never be cheated on/left. However once men get these dream girls these women are cheated and left like any other woman. People give these false stereotypes that beauty is stress free, why people break they necks to be this standard of beauty, bleaching and trying to look like the same PERSON…but dont understand a man will do ANY WOMAN DIRTY if you allow it. I dont care WHAT u look like.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

        i agree. although, i’d say that no-good people will hurt you if you let them. now,i do think that stereotypically (hollywood) beautiful people have way more a-holes coming their way then the rest of us.

  • Pseudonym

    “Judging by the severity of Aubry’s face, I think Martinez might have some anger management issues.”

    Nah, that’s just what happens when a fashion model picks a fight with a trained boxer. (I had no idea Olivier Martinez was a trained boxer, either, so I could have made the same mistake!)

  • Machelle Kwan

    Love’s for the bird…if it even exists. The only love I know is the Love of God. Maybe Halle and other women should seek that kind of love first.

    • scandalous7

      Agreed

  • Nat

    Why can’t we just say that Halle Berry is a disturbed person? My guess is that her attractiveness and the wish of many women to identify with her ( like Lauren Hill) won’t allow for an honest assessment of the problems this woman has. Its going on two decades of Halle Berry relationship craziness and at the end everyone sits around with tissue to dry her tears. Please. Let her take her child and go too France. Good riddance. Pretty or not.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      And how is she any different from 99% of Hollywood though? Britney had WAAAAAY more crazy and drama in her custody dealings than Halle did. For crying out loud she even lost custody. In conclusion my opinion is that Halley is no more or less crazy than any of the other stars.

      • Nat

        Although I don’t think comparisons are illuminating in the slightest. I was reading about Halle Berry relationship drama when Britney was a child in the Mickey Mouse Club. There are mistakes of youth and then there is stuck-on-stupid. My thinking is that the 40 something year old woman twice(!) involved in hit and run accidents and continually involved in soul draining interactions with other people (violence, sexual addiction, domestic abuse, etc.) has serious, serious issues.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          And what star hasn’t? Elizabeth Taylor MAJOR man and life problems, Marilyn Monroe, Joan Crawford and I could go on. There is nothing new about being a big star and also being a hot da*n mess, only difference is the 24/7 access and coverage there now is. She does have issues, we all have issues, except hers are all out for everyone and their momma to see and talk about.

  • Cleo

    Halle is crazy, she needs to take responsibility if that and stop blaming men for her issues. Looks has nothing to go with finding true love a lot if women who are considered “beautiful” are in and out of relationships just look at the “beautiful” women if Hollywood

  • TRUTH IS

    Halle is a bad e.g. it seems she is the problem. Major daddy issues maybe. But its getting harder and harder for BW to find true love these days. Too much sissy not enough bullets…lol

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Make sure you acknowledge her white half. Apparently on this website it is VERY important that you represent you are biracial at every opportunity. Thanks lol!

  • Lo

    I’m beginning to realize that true love starts within. Not to say she doesn’t love herself, but she should step away & just focus on herself & raising her daughter. & like you said just becsuse youre pretty doesnt reassure love. even ppl who arent considred “attractive” have some if the best relationships. Just my opinion.

  • bluekissess

    I’ve been saying this from the beginning HALLE needs HELP. She needs a therapist, life coach and prayer. It’s obvious her definition of love hasn’t been working. Sometimes people need to check themselves and she’s one of them. Her and JLO need to huddle up because something isn’t right

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