When you tried to dye your own hair that one time and you ended up with frayed, pumpkin colored tresses, you knew you had to go to a professional hair stylist to fix it. When Ray Ray from down the street from your cousin got done “fixing” your car and it was worse than when you brought it to him, you knew you had to suck it up and take it to the garage.
We have no problem going to trained professionals when it’s about physical health, style, gadgets and other issues. But when it comes to a lackluster, unfulfilling dating life, we are loathe to go to an expert.
I think there are a couple reasons for that. One, who constitutes an expert for such things? I’m not talking about a relationship expert, but a dating expert. On reality television, we have a variety of people who call themselves professionals. There’s Patty Stanger (who ended her engagement earlier this year) on “Millionaire Matchmaker” who is a third generation matchmaker with a thriving LA business hooking up millionaires with bobble-heads (mostly of the white, straight haired variety). We also have Steve Ward on “Tough Love” who is a second generation matchmaker and specializes in making women dateable. Kinda out of left field we also have Tionna Smalls from “What Chilli Wants” who is BK all day, a published author of a dating advice book and perhaps best known for not being afraid to flaunt her cup that runneth over and over and over.
There are no real requirements for calling one’s self a dating expert and it makes it a little harder to trust the judgment of someone who doesn’t seem to have his or her own dating life together.
The other thing that complicates hiring a professional dating coach or matchmaker is that love is supposed to “just happen.” That’s what we’re all told, right? You’re going to bump into your handsome prince in the veggie aisle at the supermarket and two years later you’ll be walking down the aisle with a blinding sparkler and a train that would have made Princess Diana envious. You can’t be matched with someone, right? It’s so contrived. Eh. Maybe. Maybe not.
Let’s be real. We do a lot to ourselves to attract the opposite sex. I don’t even need to list all the painful, awkward and expensive treatments we subject our bodies to on a regular basis. While I do think it’s true that we dress more for other women than for men, you can’t deny that we consciously try to project a certain image, a representative if you will (shout out to NSFW Chris Rock), when we encounter a man that seems like a catch. Both men and women automatically put up something of a shield or mask when meeting a seemingly great match. Is it really that organic if you’re putting in all that extra effort? What’s so wrong with letting a professional try to match your values and desires with the values and desires of a man?
A couple girlfriends of mine have done the online dating thing, which is sorta kinda seeking professional help depending on the site, but not one has gone to an actual dating coach no matter how seemingly dire the circumstances of their dating lives.
The motto for finding Prince Charming is basically “It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.” Okay, but does that mean you can’t seek out advice, help or tips from an experienced, established professional? Nothing wrong with seeking out a helping hand if you can afford it.
Have you ever or would you ever seek out professional dating advice? Why or why not?
