One Guy Breaks It Down: Why Have Modern Men Become Lazy In Dating?

November 26, 2012  |  

Source: Shutterstock

From Single Black Male

I’ve written before about Modern Men Being Too Lazy to Court due in part to advancements in technology, like the computer, cell phone, and the evil cesspit of modernization known as “Facebook”. However, I never touched on how modern men became lazy in the first place. Technology is not the only culprit behind the rise of lazy men, because not all men are focused on meeting women on-line. In fact, many men still meet women the old fashioned way – in places that range further than from behind their computer or smart phone.

Technology has merely exposed what many women have been lamenting for years: men are lazy in their pursuit of women and generally take the easiest route possible to do so. This is highly ironic when you consider the fact that most women measure their value in a man’s life not by his words but by the effort he puts forth in pursuing them. This is the same environment where you have a corresponding – and likely much higher – number of men doing all in their power to invest the least amount of effort possible in pursuing these women. This is an obvious recipe for disaster. To avoid confusion here, let me state unequivocally that I believe modern men are lazier than past generations of men.


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  • kofybean

    Men haven’t gotten lazier, less women are worth that kind of effort. You can’t pretend the coin only has one side.

  • Eve

    I thoroughly agree modern men have become lazier than ever, even with women of their dreams, due to technology and will not bother courting at all. It’s all served to them on a silver platter…combined with women becoming more aggressive as a result and it’s now a vicious cycle. As a woman I simply refuse to chase, so I’m left with whichever man bothers to make the effort these days! of which there are few…I’m so glad I’m getting confirmation of what I had suspected all along the past few years…

  • Men have always been a prize to be won by the most beautiful women. The problem is that the prize is getting pricier and pricier to women to get and keep.
    if anyone here think that only women are the PRIZE, you have clearly not been looking around you. And you certainly don’t know how much it cost a woman to get a man to put a ring on it. It cost a lot…

  • rastaman

    Its a numbers game and it has been for some time now. I have benefited from the surplus of eligible women in the past and it worked for me at the time because I was not really focused on settling down. Admittedly, I never had to put in maximum effort to get dates and if a woman was inconvenient for whatever reason, I would definitely move on at the drop of a hat. Main complaint of many past dates was that I never made any long term plans with them in mind and I did not because I never had any long term plans with them in mind.

    When i was ready to commit to a long term relationship, the transition was very easy, I just went about dating with an eye to a long term commitment.

    But dating is like anything else in life, when jobs are scarce people take jobs they don’t really like and work very hard to keep them because its a job. When jobs are plentiful folks jumps from jobs to job and sometime employers have to outbid each other to get or retain workers. As a man the dating scene is a buyers market and in a buyers market, buyers have a lot of leeway. Plus it does not hurt if a man is attractive, personable and employed

  • Pivyque

    I don’t believe this for a second. When a man decides that he wants you, trust me, he will put in all the effort it takes to get you. If it doesn’t take much work…that’s not his fault lol Granted, I have been out of the dating scene for quite some time, but there is this young boy that has a crush on my daughter and he gives her cute little letters every time he sees her at school. They are always on index cards and it’s so sweet, but even at that age, he is putting in all this effort just to sit by her at lunch. Smh….i’m not ready for this, but that’s a different story! lol

  • for some reason men don’t have to do much to get everything. they come over a few times and they get the keys to the house, car, and our heart. why would they work at it if we giving it all up so easily. i talk about this very thing in my ebook Straight No Chaser by Janice Jade on Amazon. check it out! download it to your Kindle!

    • 1Val

      As a woman you should not give a man anything he hasn’t offered to give you.

  • Alohilani

    I knew I would come on this article seeing ALL of the blame being put onto women.

  • Cleo

    Because have become easier, there are women who have sex on the first then expect the man to want to continue seeing her. Smh why buy the cow when he already sampled the milk?

    • Guest

      Especially if your milk wasn’t that good in the first place…smh

  • GeekMommaRants

    Check the population rates in places like DC or the ATL, it is as Brooklyn says.

    • Oh so she only meant in select cities in just the US? She wasn’t referring to the world population? Hmm ok.

  • 1Val

    Modern men like men before them are aggressive go getters for women they WANT to be with. Nothing has changed about male dating when a man finds a woman he wants to date.

    • DoinMe

      That’s right! When a man TRULY wants you and loves you, he will move heaven and hell just to be with you. The problem is that a lot of women have not experienced this kind of love from a man yet, so they don’t know what it looks and feels like and rely on these myths.

      • 1Val

        Your comment reminds me of love life lessons scene with Ms. Cicely Tyson and Maya Angelou in Tyler Perry’s film. They were sadden by fact many black women have not experienced true love.

        • pretty1908

          LOL but those ladies weren’t lying ! I dream of that kind of love based on friendship and understanding

          • 1Val

            If more black women spent time with men who wanted to be with them opposed to chased and trying to earn men’s love they too could experience true love.


    I tried to post this comment on another article; men are lazy because women made things easier for these men. I am tradtional; $perm$ chase eggs!

    • olivia

      …and there you have it.

      I got friends that pay for dates, provide housing, give $$$ etc. Men don’t have to do anything these days.

      The tables have turned completely.

      • TRUTH IS

        For what?!? Sausage? They are up for a rude awakening!!

      • 1Val

        No the tables have not turned at all. The problem with your friends are they are financing men they want to be with instead of being with men who want to be with them. Your friends men most likely are spending your friends money on women they want. As women we make choices as to which girl we will be. Women can either be a woman who a man does for or a woman who does for men.

  • IllyPhilly

    Damn MN women have a lot of problems with men, don’t they? they don’t date, they wanna make you smile, they call you baby mama,

    • sheena

      Lol! I guess all hope’s lost. we might as well just drop of the face of the earth huh?

  • brooklynarcher

    Because they don’t have to put in effort. Women outnumber men especially eligible men and logically, why would someone put in work when they can literally have heaps of women competing for their affection? Especially when a lot of women are so desperate for a man, they compromise way too much put up with too much and etc. Men can just chill and have their pick or two of the many women putting each other down and themselves for him. Just saying.

    • This isn’t true. Women do NOT outnumber men. Check the birthrates and population by age. During peak dating/marriage age the numbers are virtually even. Not to add that there are slightly more male births than female in the world.

    • 1Val

      And there are women who have multiple men competing for their affections in a small pool also. Men don’t have power in dating until women relinquish their power over to them. A woman you should never permit a man to run over her. The woman has always been and always will be the catch in a relationship. If more women behaved as they knew they have the keys to the kingdom like they do men will act accordingly. Too much brainwashing of black man shortage nonsense in black women’s heads nowadays.

      • Where do you live?
        I live in the western world, and women of all races are struggling to meet their deadline (whatever it is to them) here. If they say they want to be married by 30, they must often than not find themselves struggling to have a boyfriend in their mid 30s. Long term relationship are down across the western world, and women seem to be the one losing.

        • 1Val

          Some women are dating, in long term relationships, engaged and married. Its not stats that are keeping women single it is themselves. You have had men you rejected for men who rejected you. So if you had wanted to be married you could have married someone who wanted to marry you but you chose men who refused to commit to you. And you are blaming your inability to be in a long term relationship on western world.