“You Don’t Explain Ignorance”: RHOA Episode 4 Recap

November 26, 2012  |  
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Source: Bravo TV

Another day, another week of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” drama. Last night we saw why these ladies continue to earn paychecks as part of the Bravo series, and how when it comes down to it just about every single woman on this show has a little — or a lot — of fakeness in her. Check out the highlights of episode 4.

Kim Thinks God Has A Perfect Plan For Her

Isn’t it funny how the trashiest of people with the foulest of mouths always revert back to letting God’s name roll off their tongue when the chips are down? Kim finally moved, or was pushed out rather, of her “dream home” on last night’s episode and after she went back to her old place she talked about turning down offers from other people to buy her townhouse and what a blessing it was to have a place to live in, adding “God has a perfect plan for me.” Girl stop, Kim probably hasn’t thought about God since she had cancer — but didn’t really — during the first season of the show. It’s true God does work in mysterious ways but I didn’t see too much of him while she was cussing out movers and telling them they didn’t know what the eff they were doing.

Aiden Has Another Extravagant B-day Party He Won’t Remember

Anybody remember Aiden’s first birthday party with the 12 birthday cakes that basically turned into an adult pool party? Well Phaedra tried to one-up that extravaganza last night when we saw clips of her son’s second birthday party at an aquarium. While her little prince is at least a little more coherent at 2-years-old, which is why he was scared of the water show, I sincerely hope Apollo was exaggerating when he said his wife was spending $20,000 on this b-day party. Baby parties are not an “if you got it flaunt it” type of event, that little boy did not know it was his birthday, nor will he remember that party, except maybe being scared and sleepy, ten years from now. Phaedra needs to take Dwight off the payroll and give Aiden a regular 3-year-old b-day party next year and stop playing.

Phaedra’s Booty Does Her In

Another Phaedra fail we saw last night was her booty backstabbing. I can’t remember what terms Phaedra and Nene are on but it appears Nene and Cynthia are much closer because the “New Normal” actress didn’t have a problem busting out Phaedra’s backside mishap. Apparently Phaedra accidentally dialed Nene and didn’t realize her conversation saying she didn’t give a f**k if Cynthia didn’t come to her son’s birthday party was recorded. Nene and Cynthia obviously did give a you know what and everybody have Phaedra a bit of a side-eye for her shadiness.

Cynthia Has A Confrontation Fail

This may be my bias showing, but Cynthia’s attempt at confronting Phaedra was just a smidge weak in my opinion. For one, if she spelled f-u-c-k one more time I was going to scream, but two, she totally let Phaedra off the hook when the southern bell completely turned the conversation from defending her comment and outright denying it to talking about the mosquito bite on her chest.

I can clearly see why Phaedra is an attorney because she side-stepped that situation like no other. If I was Cynthia I would have had that voicemail cued up and ready to play and definitely wouldn’t have taken “I don’t recall saying that” as an answer.

Kenya and Walter Both Know They’re Headed Toward Marriage…

Pause for laughter.

Look, anytime a guy has to meet his lady’s family it’s going to be awkward, but it’s even more awkward when the girl doesn’t realize that they are not on the same page and her family thinks they are. That’s what happened last night as Walter, who clearly has no intention of dating Kenya for more than the duration of this season of RHOA, let alone marrying her and fathering her kids, met the cast newcomer’s family. The deer in a headlights look Walter gets on his face anytime his conversations with Kenya turn to marriage and family is priceless, but what was even more hilarious last night was Kenya’s statement that they both know their relationship is headed toward the altar.

The only place Kenya is headed is the looney bin while the Martin Luther King of Towing will be off to his next pickup job.

Kenya Makes Ovulation Small Talk Over Dinner

Unfortunately the conversation between this pair gets no better when it’s just the two of them. Kenya served up a second helping of “not trying to put pressure on Walter” by reminding him ever so not subtly that she wasn’t ovulating today. Can we say that is not appropriate table talk?

The newbie went on to talk about wanting babies yesterday and hinting about the significance of 5 1/2, which is apparently the engagement size the ring Walter is not going to buy her would need to be. Kenya could adopt all eight of Octomom’s kids faster than she could get Walter to marry her. That man is only on this show to promote his towing business. I hope for women’s reputations everywhere that Kenya is just playing the part of the desperate 40-year-old single woman because there’s no way that thirst could be real.

Apparently Porsha’s Entire Storyline Will Revolve Around Kenya

So we saw Porsha for a grand total of 4 minutes and 38 seconds (or something like that) on last night’s show and all she had to talk about was Kenya and their spat at her charity event and whether she is really Miss America or Miss USA. Next week doesn’t look much better for the legitimate housewife who thinks there are 265 days in a year, which makes me wonder what she’s really going to add to the show outside of being a blonde in a black woman’s body. Porsha does have one thing going for her, though, a least the girl can cook — minus those biscuits she burned.

Kenya, On the Other Hand, is Trying To Fake Her Way into Walter’s Heart

I’ve never seen a woman go through so much trouble to fake cook in my life. I’m not saying Kenya can’t cook at all but the fact that she tried to put a meal off as a homecooked, throwing microwaved meal noodles in a pan and everything, rather than just telling Walter she didn’t have time to make meal, makes me assume this is something she does all the time and she’s trying to fake her way into his stomach and then his heart. No woman is trying to cook a meal every night, but don’t go into details about it being hard to have to boil chicken and make sure pasta is just right when all you did was punch holes in a Trader Joe’s microwaveable meal and fork it onto plates. Does she plan on fake cooking every night?

What’s even more sad is she probably could have cooked that meal buttnaked doing a handstand and Walter still wouldn’t put a ring on it.

 

The Shade Lifts On Watch What Happens Live

Kenya’s manners got a little bit better on “Watch What Happens Live” last night. The former Miss USA admitted her comments about Cynthia, you know when she said “at 45, maybe Cynthia should retire her dusty old wigs and worn out makeup brushes that are just as worn out as her welcome mat from the modeling industry” were a bit harsh. The Atlanta Housewife confessed to being out of pocket and said she even apologized to Cynthia for the remarks, maybe she’s not all bad, huh?

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