Is Dealing With A Man Who Has Children By Multiple Women Too Much Of A Headache?

99 comments
November 28, 2012 ‐ By Cecily Michelle

"Woman Stressed Out"

An old friend of mine called me up recently and told me about her latest man drama. Jasmine* is the type of person who doesn’t take crap from anyone, so when she shared her story, I was shocked. Anywho, she recently met a nice guy named Dorian who treated her better than any man she’d ever dated. She was really digging him. As they got to know each other, they eventually came across the subject of children. To her strong dismay, she discovered that he had not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE little ones roaming the planet.

She was disappointed, but decided that it wasn’t so bad. Plus she has a son of her own, so she didn’t want to pass judgment. That is, until he dropped the biggest bomb since the ones unleashed on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were dropped: not only did he have five kids, but by four different women. Hold up, pause! Four baby mothers?

After she finished checking the wax in her ears, it became clear that he was serious. Despite her hesitation, Jasmine decided to still give him a try. He was a sweet guy after all. Fast forward a few dates and they’re chilling at his house. Next thing she knew, their movie was being interrupted by the sound of a loud-mouthed woman hollering Dorian’s name. They both ran to the window and were met with the sight of bricks busting through his car windows, tire-slashing and keys running along his passenger side door. It took her a few seconds to realize what was going on, but once it registered, everything was clear: Dorian, while a nice guy, simply had a bad case (maybe terrible) of baby momma drama.

To my surprise, she went out with him again. She said he explained the situation and apologized that it happened, claiming it wouldn’t go down again. Yeah, okay. Well, on their way back to his place after catching a flick one Saturday evening, his phone kept blowing up. It rang and rang, but he would not answer. She asked who it was, and he told her that it was two of his kids’ mothers. Jasmine insisted that he answer because it could’ve been an emergency, but he told her it wasn’t and not to worry about it. That didn’t stop his phone from ringing though, and she could tell that he was beyond annoyed. It got to a point where he just turned his phone off.
Next thing she knew, they’d pulled up to his house and who do they see? None other than his baby mother (a different one) standing on his front porch with two kids hanging from her limbs. She didn’t even speak. As soon as she saw him pull up, she hopped in her black Accord and sped off, leaving the poor babies standing on the porch in a daze and Dorian mad as hell. Jas knew then that it was time to leave him alone, and she claims that she hasn’t called him since.

Her story just made me think, is it possible for a man to have a few kids by different women without there being drama involved? I thought about all the men I know who have more than one child by a different woman, and for the most part, their situations have all been pretty hectic and stressful for all parties involved at certain points in time. There have been instances of violence, restraining orders, custody battles—just plain ‘ol drama. Drama, drama, drama, drama and more unnecessary drama (even for my guy friends with just one kid).

I came to the conclusion that when you’re dealing with a man carrying a load like this, you are probably going to experience some type of stress. If you’re lucky, if might not be frequent and in some rare cases (if all of the women involved are completely mature and the man is doing what he needs to do to take care of his children), you might not experience problems at all. But you better believe that in most cases, something is going to pop off, especially if your man is still tipping with one—or more—of the mothers of his children (which was likely the case with Dorian and baby mother number one).

And what makes matters worse is that there is always the possibility of your man impregnating one—or more—of these women—again! It happens all the time. He swings by the house to drop off the kids and ends up picking up their mother. Now I’m not saying that things can’t work between you and your man if he has a bunch of kids with multiple women, because as I said, some situations are headache free (look at T.I. and Tiny; at least their situation seems peaceful), but good luck with that. I just couldn’t do it. And I’m pretty sure Jasmine would tell you that it’s not worth the hassle either…

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  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Wow. Sad. If that isn’t a PSA for not dating a perpetual baby daddy I don’t know what is.

  • Going crazy

    I ead all of your comments and a lo of them I agree with whole heartedly. I’m a woman who married someone with 2 children and yes it’s a real headache. No privacy, no time or money. so to those ladies out there DON’T DO IT!

  • temple t00

    Definitely poor judgment. Even worse, no impulse control. My neighborhood CVS & the grocery & the bodega ALL sell condoms.

  • Wow

    It’s not the kids or the “baby mamas” that are main problem. It’s having a dude (whether its one woman or multiple women) who is more than likely still smashing them while claiming that they arent together that’s causing the drama. The drama comes from ole boy b/c if he wanted to put a stop to it he could, he’s just choosing not to.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      This is the truth. I would especially be wary of a man who has multiple small children. The younger the children, the shorter the time since he’s been with the ex.

  • lolee

    Cant say without being in the situation. I have 3 kids with the same man, and he doesnt have any others either, but I’m only 25 and we’ve already had a lot of really bad times so I recognize that maybe it wont last. Then maybe I’d be lucky enough to find another man I’d want children with, have one and then it turns out I was wrong about him and he leaves me. Sometimes life just happens so I wouldnt judge offhand. I know people with up to 5 kids all by different people, some just naive and unlucky in love, but most just tramps (my own mom, made herself a mother of 6 whlie married to my dad, and him only a father of 3) and selfish deadbeats (my brother in law, 3 kids by 3 different women, 2 of them just babies only a couple months apart and now he’s unemployed and living in my spare room while trying to knock up his girlfriend even though she doesnt want to)… So really just get to know people. Maybe its not like you think, but maybe it is…

  • Alohilani

    I would never date or marry a man who already has children.

  • Cinnamon71

    No, I couldn’t do it. I just see potential drama down the line. I don’t have any children and I would prefer to also date someone without children as well. If I would do it, it would only be with a man with one child only, that’s it.

  • GirlSixx

    This story is HEEE LARIOUS!!!!!

    Sorry I don’t care how fione a brother is 2 kids or more WILL get you axed off my dating list, I feel like if I am only bringing 1 child to the table I reserve the right to require the same from him. People don’t realize how much a fianancial strain it can be on a relationship when deaing with a man with mutiiple kids, I’m sorry; maybe I am being selfish but IT’S A REALITY!!!!

    • UrbanWarrior

      You got that right. LOL. And as a man, I’ll be picking up the tab for whatever “family” fun we have so… I reserve the right to be selective. One child or less only. I took my last GF and my daughter and her son to a Knicks game last year. Let just say I got sticker shock when the night was over. lol

  • Same boat!

    I am currently dating a man with FIVE kids and FOUR baby mamma’s it has been six months now and no drama yet! I will say yet only because we are military and not in the same state as the basketball team. I question staying due to this kid situation but I also try not to judge because I myself have two sons one by an ex husband and one by an ex fiance. I dont fall to short of that apple tree. However it is a stryggle to know it exist and I must say it is embarrasing to tell my family. I have not told my mother just yet. I have revealed this to a friend and she questions it all. I questions his decision making and wonder why is he not with at least one of them, is he having sex with any of them when he goes out of town. I am keeping my heart at a distance because I have not had enough time to decide if this is something or someone I want with all this baggage. Oh and one of my son’s who is 20 is older than all of them and my 15 yr old is older than three of his kids. uhg! As far as him and the way he treats me so far so good but I wonder how much time, affection and attention can he give where is his limits.

    • Same Boat!

      Also finaicially he makes enough money to support all of them, and still have money to show me a nice time. However how much of a good life can we have with all the mouths to feed! He is not a hood rat a professional degree holding man and high ranking in the Army.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        So does his degree and career status outweigh the fact that he doesn’t have an active hands on role in ANY of his children’s lives? Just think on this, if a man would do his own flesh and blood that way what in the heck do you think he’s going to treat you like? So maybe he made a dumb decision 5 times over, but everyday he’s making a mistake if he isn’t spending quality time with his children at every opportunity.

  • Gimmeabreak78

    Not only is it impossible to date a man with multiple baby mamas sans drama, I believe it is also impossible for a man to raise multiple kids living in multiple households effectively. .If children A and B live with baby mama #1, child C lives with baby mama #2, and child D lives with baby mama #3, how much time could that man possible have to adequately teach life’s lessons and nuture these kids if they are growing up in different households (and are possibly receiving competing messages)? And that’s all assuming they live in the same town. It gets wackier when one or more children lives out of state.

    • me

      This I totally agree with. Add to that the fact that the guy has to work ALL THE TIME to keep up with the child support. Some man working around the clock is a dead giveaway that he’s got tons of kids – because NOBODY wants to work that much. Guys like that never have time for their current partners because they are always working to pay child support or doing things for the kids. Just a messy headache.

  • Lady T

    I am completely scared at everyone’s comments, I recently started catching feelings for someone who has two BM’s the first one is 4 and the second is now 1. The second one kind of scares me because it is so recent, and also I’ve known him since she was pregnant with the child. Of course he says they didn’t plan the child and it happened shortly after they met, but I just don’t know. I have been researching and asking friends and family should I pursue this type of relationship, and just so happens this topic pops up on here today. Im so confused, he doesn’t hide anything and answers the phone in front of me when she calls, Im trying to look at it like it happened before me, and whatever he discuses or talks about with her is strictly between them. I don’t know though hearing these stories scares me. I have no children.

    • TRUTH IS

      Time tells and guard his actions like a hawk

      • 2cents

        exactly, time tells all. whether a man has children or not, if you take your time and stand up for yourself he will show you if he is about you or not. if hes a shady no good guy, hes going to be that regardless and its up to you to see it, address it, and/or bounce. no excuses.

        the most you can do with ANYONE is just pay attention closely to their actions.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Its a messy situation for such a new relationship. You do know one thing for certain, Instead of taking time to prepare for his newest addition and stacking his chips, he decided to holla at other women. That isn’t a good sign. He may not have had any intentions of having a baby with her but he did. I would tread very lightly in this situation and make sure you double, no triple the birth control.

    • kisses

      You said you knew him when she was pregnant-if you two were actually dating I would abort the mission! Instead of being worried about his pregnant fling, he was still chasing tail! He may not think it reflects on his character, but it gives the impression he’s a bit selfish b/c he’s only concerned about his own pleasure.

      • Lady T

        No, it was not like that at all. We actually met through business, and ended up working on a project together. Yes, I’m not going to lie, there was a strong chemistry between us, but for me, I wasn’t having it and not even considering talking to him on that level because he was trying to work things out with her and that is just not my style. He would of course flirt but at the end of the day we both knew he had other obligations and we refrained from bringing up anything that had to do with something other than business. We kept in touch for business reasons then shortly after the baby was born he told me things between his BM and him did not work out. I still didn’t start getting serious with him, until recently.

        • KIR12

          Just make sure your on birth control. So that when he gets tired of you and moves on after a while. You’re not bm #3

          • GirlSixx

            Exxaactlyyyyy!!!

          • Lady T

            Oh trust under any and all circumstances that won’t happen unless there is a ring on my finger. Thanks for your advice.

            • Lady T

              And we are no where close to being physically involved, I have to make sure he is worth it, the only concern I have is hearing the stories about the BM drama. So I thought to state my issues. I will keep an eye out and take my time with him to see what he is about. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work I guess?

    • realadulttalk

      2 children under the age of 5 by 2 women? He sounds very irresponsible…consider that. I personally don’t date men w/children under the age of 2…I’ve seen too many people go back and forth with the child’s mother/father during those years. Good luck to you either way.

  • Candacey Doris

    Anyone that has that many kids by that many women has seriously bad judgement or had really bad judgement in the past. I’m not talking 2 children, i mean 4+. That probably means that the women that had his children were probably not the best choices either. I don’t want to deal with it if he has some hood rats busting his windows at 3am or stalking me. There are some exceptions, but i can’t see it right now.

  • kiki

    short , easy answer. NO. no, you cannot have a man with multiple baby mothers and not have drama – why? because that man IS the drama.. ok 1 mayyyybe 2 bm’s is okay ; anymore than that and you know all u need to know about this man
    1. he doesn’t commit (to a woman OR a child)
    2. when he should be out earning a living or spending time w/ his family, he’s out getting new chicks
    3. he is EXTREMELY fertile or, apparently allergic to condoms
    4. if the bm’s are “hoodrats” or others types of trashy figures, he’s a bad judge of character who like to sleep in the gutter
    5. how much money does he make to adequately support all them kids and still have $$ to spend on you?
    …. wait why are u checking for him again? cuz of his car? he has a nice smile? other smart chicks prolly saw thru his game asap and u should follow

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Janice-Hettlinger/100000246355078 Janice Hettlinger

    No. I was single till 41 and never dated a man with multiple baby mommas. Disclaimer: My husband of 10 years has 2 sons from a previous marriage, paid every penny of his child support…on time, and gave his kids/ex-wife extra money when he could.

  • OilMan

    It’s sad because every situation I the same, when I was 25 and younger I wouldn’t day a women with kids, now that I’m 28 it doesn’t matter, everyone has a past… And most women without kids don’t tell you how many abortions that they’ve had, so they wouldn’t become baby-mamas, they just down the men/women with kids… Lets explore, “Baby-mamas” it’s an ugly word and should be sited as a curse word, how about my kids father/my kids mother… We are so judge mental, but if we look beyond the drama, kids are a blessing and it’s a lot of people wishing for them, and can’t have them and people are having them and aren’t doing right by them… The choice is yours to choose, but don’t down someone else on their choices…

    • Candacey Doris

      We’re not looking down on them, we just don’t want to deal with those issues. If we went through the trouble of keeping that drama out of our lives, why should we put up with all of that from someone else?

    • Truth

      Signed,

      the man with 5 kids by 4 women

    • UrbanWarrior

      I agree with you that you can’t be down on someone for a choice they made, especially if they are taking responsibility for their choices and doing the right thing as best they can. The reality is that some of the guys, even some in my family and a few of my friends, didn’t make that choice by using the big head, the made it using the little head. As a result you get situations where the mom and dad resent each other and hence a lot of drama. That’s not the case with all situations, but its the case in several. And for people, male or female, they have the right to choose not be involved in that. I’m short… 5’7.. I can’t get mad if a woman says she wants to date someone 6’2. It’s her choice, just like it’s my choice to never date a woman who doesn’t have a college degree at minimum. They aren’t bad people, they just don’t have what I think I need. I may pass up some wonderful women but that’s a chance I’m willing to take. I learned to embrace the universal theory of rejection and keep it moving.

    • temple t00

      Whether or not someone has had an abortion is not of relevance to the question of whether or not an individual is interested in dating someone w/children by other men or women. Having had the unknown, but assumed abortion means there’s no daddy/mama drama.

  • JustSayin

    I have am dating someone with multiple children and he has two baby mothers. To be honest? I don’t have any issues. Maybe I am just lucky but both relationships are real calm and the situation didn’t end badly. The father of my son doesn’t cause any issues either. I think it depends on the relationship the man has with the mother of his children. I think I would be more hurt if he chose not to deal with his children because the mother of his children vs. him actually making a consistent effort to live his life and make sure his children are present.

  • Ebonie

    I made a decision when I was in my early 20’s, not to date a man with children. Did not want to be bothered with baby mama drama. My daughter’s father was childless when we dated. My current boyfried does not have any childern. No drama in my life!

    • UrbanWarrior

      Not all guys with kids have baby mama drama. In fact, I have one kid, and no drama. I also don’t have a “baby mama”… she’s the mother of my child. But I do respect your choice. ;)

  • me

    The thing about it is, when you meet these dudes with all these kids by different women, their lives are littered with the emotional wreckage of the chicks and the families attached to the kids. That’s the mess I refuse to deal with. It’s not even worth the headache. Plus, there is an overall irresponsible nature to men who have a bunch of baby mamas anyway. Over time you see that the same lazy, trifling attitude that caused him to make all those babies pops up in other areas of his life. I just avoid them like the plague. One kid I’ll give you, but anymore than that is too much.

    • FullTimeStudent

      AGREED, its disgusting honestly, he’s not responsible and some of the kids mothers don’t know how to move the hell on…….I don’t have the time for bs…….AND think about it, if he has all these kids and doing what he’s suppose to, he’ll never have time or money enough to spend with/on you……unless he’s serving crackheads…..I’m so pass that hood s***

  • Meyaka

    I never dated a guy with children knowingly and my husband does not have any kids,for the women who do it,to each it’s own but I would have to wonder how come you couldn’t make it work with any of these women and who is responsible for your lack of knowledge about contraception…

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      For real

  • 2cents

    I have to comment… I had been dating and having a good old time for a while when I suddenly found myself in a relationship with a man who already has kids from two past relationships (11 & 14). He is 39, I’m 29..I was single and mingling, had just finished my masters, and was NOT looking for any type of anything at the time. But, this guy courted me for so damn long, and took his time and showed me all types of things and love that I didn’t know I could feel. He was everything I ever wanted in a man- a professional with a great career and a loving and generous heart….To make a long story short we fell in love, and I’m pretty much doing this thing with him even though I know for sure people think I’m insane.

    I was always the type of person to keep a man at arms length if he had any type of baggage (emotional, financial, kids/family). I NEVER imagined I’d find myself in a real relationship with a man who has such…I’ll call it “experience”. BUT, for me it’s been worth it. He’s a great parent and most importantly, hes a great significant other to me. Never shy to say I love you and make space for me in his life as it is.

    This is a choice that is indeed, not for every woman. But..sometimes love happens. I’ve been with men who had zero children and PLENTY of free time who couldn’t make me a priority. I never thought someone with so much on his plate would be the one to do that. Oddly enough, he’s the only man to not play games with me. If the whole thing implodes, I’ll be sure to post a follow up comment somewhere. But right now, I’m on cloud 9. I haven’t yet experienced any drama and have a cordial relationship with the mother that lives in our area. The other is married and living out of state.

    • KIR12

      Baby mama #3. lol Has it crossed your mind that those other women were told the same thing? Holla at us and cher on about your relationship after you’ve got a ring.

      • 2cents

        Well, I don’t want children outside of marriage so being a baby mama isn’t an issue. I actually am not sure if I want any of my own at this point.

        It has crossed my mind though what about this makes it different than before for him, given myself major anxiety about that actually. But as i said, I’ve never met anyone who’s such a good partner. I felt like I wanted to at least try. Especially since he tries so hard for me. If it doesn’t work then.. Just like before when my relationships (all with CHILDLESS men, mind you) didn’t work, I’ll pick myself up and move on. There are no guarantees in love. Ever. Whether someone has children or not, married or living together etc. Nothing is for certain. But if you’re happy you’re just happy.

        I wasn’t interested in a relationship at all if it wasn’t on point. Meaning quality time, effort, finances right etc. He has all the qualities I want in a man. Unfortunately his past comes along with him, just like mine comes along with me. I’d hope that whoever loves me accepts me as I am OR keeps on stepping.

        My own family is blended (step sisters & brothers). Both my dad and my mom found love later in life and remarried. They each found a way to make it work so it is possible.

        • Kay

          39 & 29 oh..

        • temple t00

          Right, it’s all about the character of the individual. He’s parenting his children, taking care of his financial commitments to his children. And he’s also doing the necessary things to show he cares for you & wants you in his life. Good character present & accounted for. Enjoy that rare experience.

    • Pivyque

      11 and 14 aren’t bad ages though. I’m glad that you two are doing well. Not all men have crazy women as the mother of their children. I just know that if something happens to my husband and I have to date again, I don’t want to deal with a guy that has young kids (under 16).

    • temple t00

      This man takes care of his responsibilities & takes responsibility for his actions. Good catch, and good getting caught. Sounds like a healthy, happy relationship.

  • ANTMilf

    First of all, I would NEVER get with a man with 2+ baby mamas, too much baggage right there. I wouldn’t mind having being with a guy with 1 child since I have 1 myself as long as the mother of his child ain’t bats**t crazy!

  • UrbanWarrior

    On the flip side, what if the situation was a woman with multiple baby daddy’s ? I don’t fault any ladies for not wanting to deal with the drama… as a man, I can’t date anyone with more kids than I do. I have one, so more than that is a NO NO. Any you have to have a decent relationship with you child’s father.

    • Meyaka

      You should not have to deal with a woman who has multiple kids by multiple men either…

    • Lola M.

      I agree,no more kids than what I have!You’d be surprised with the foolishness people entertain in their lives.My best friends’ daughter is young-either 23 or 24 and has three children by three different guys her last being not even a year old and she already got a new boyfriend and he got a bunch of babymamas himself.Such a shame!

      • UrbanWarrior

        LMAO. That’s a damn shame but I got that in my family too. My older sister threw away a marriage to an NFL Player (he proposed to her in college) and her full athletic scholarship to have a fling/ booty call on a road trip, that resulted in a kid. Two months after the first kid was born, she got pregnant with a second, but a second guy. Fast forward 4 years later… yet a third kid, by a third guy. None of whom pay any child support or see their kids. Now shes dating some guy with three of 4 kids of his own. crazy.

        • Cinnamon71

          That’s sad.

  • Pivyque

    Some people can have kids by multiple women and not have any drama involved. However, I would never deal with a man that has 1 kid, let alone 5.

    • Alohilani

      No, not ‘some people’, some men.

      • Pivyque

        Corrected. Thanks!

  • misslady

    When I met my current boyfriend, he had three kids by three different women. I was still in college at the time. There was petty drama with one of the kids’ mother, and she ended up losing her GOOD job over it. (She worked in the Admissions office of the school I attended…you can figure out what she did!) She is ten years older than me, as well. So I guess it was about her seeing her younger ex be with a younger woman. She lied on me and him all the time about things like calling her phone or other nonsense, but four years later, I am still with him and we even have our own child together. So, I do think that it could work as long as the people involved have an understanding or you learn how to ignore foolishness….to an extent!

    BTW: I have now been working in that same Admissions Office for over a year now………OH THE SHADE THROWN MY WAY!!!!! (ha ha ha ha ha)
    I really don’t care though.

    • Pivyque

      I’m glad to hear that you two managed to work it out! Did the mothers allow the kids to be in the wedding with no issues?

    • Kellz

      So ur his 4th baby mama???

      • misslady

        uuuh no, boo! I’m my son’s first mama…IDGAF what anybody has to say!

        Now, you have a blessed and prosperous day, boo!

        • TeahMonae

          I’m sure that you are a great mother to your son and its really good to hear that you worked through the drama and your relationship is going well for you. However, you are still the 4th baby mama. Facts are facts; there were three others before you, making you the fourth, and he is still your boyfriend, not your husband. I certainly dont know all the details of your situation, but what I infer from your comment is that you think you have “won” the man since he was probably still sleeping with the admissions officer chick when you got with him. The reality is that you arent any more special to him than the other 3 chicks he had babies with and left when it suited him. Four years later, you are still with him and have had a child and think that you have won the “prize” and still you the 4th baby mama!

          • misslady

            No! you are completely incorrect. That comment is saying that I don’t put emphasis on how many kids he had or has. The emphasis is put on my child because he is what matters to me.

            He is a man to me, and I was never in competition with anybody to win a prize! This was a relationship that I started with a man that evolved into what we have now. Now, when I met him, did I plan to have a child by him? NO!
            but after being with him for a few years, I love him with all of my heart, and I didn’t have his child. I had OUR child! We are together Everybody has something to say about me and my business when none of you know any more than what I put in this post. Therefore, don’t try to pass your judgement or opinions off as fact because my life works for me. It is MY life, and I love him and ALL FOUR OF HIS CHILDREN!!!!

            And for you to say that I am not any more special to him was completely out of line because you don’t know anything about me or him! It’s fine to make assumptions because I really couldn’t care less about what anyone has to say, but please don’t go there with me, boo!

            I am usually a really nice person, but honestly please don’t judge what I have going on in my life. Even though you may be able to deal with the same situation, I can and I do. Thank you for your thoughts, please have a nice day!

            • TeahMonae

              Everything that you said is all well and good but does not change the fact that you are the fourth baby mama. I’m not passing judgement on you and sincerly hope it works out for you. If not for your sake, for your son’s. You have a nice day as well!

            • KIR12

              U’s ah stupid hoe

              • Melyssa

                Flat___________lined_____________ ^^^^^^^^
                Ican’t.
                lolll

            • Kay

              Lol you put your own buisness out there on the world wide web.. So of course “everybodies going to have something to say”

          • Gimmeabreak78

            Exactly. Math is math, and facts are facts. This girl ran into a guy with three children by three different women and VOLUNTEERED to be baby mama #4 and feels like because she is his CURRENT girlfriend, that situation is either going to be permanent or promoted. I wonder if she would ever be willing to admit to us what happens when there is a conflict between what her child needs and what baby mama #s 1, 2, or 3 children need in terms of time, money, or attention? She should find the largest chair and have a seat in it.

          • CommonSense

            It is not unheard of for a man to have several children by other women, settle down with someone, have a child, and then marry his last baby mama, look at T.I and tiny, (someone we can all see the proof of) their relationship…. which led to Marriage is fine with his three previous kids. I’m starting to feel like all of these negative comments are from BITTER Baby Mothers ready to knock down the next female because her situation is better than yours.

            • TeahMonae

              Hmmm… I dont know about the bitter baby mama thing, I dont have any biological children, although I do have one stepchild (whose mother has never given me any drama), so I dont have any “baby mama bitterness”. It’s true that in some cases men will have several children by other women and then settle down and eventually marry the mother of his last child. It’s also true that someone is going to win the $550 million Powerball Jackpot tonight, but what are really the odds of winning? You can buy that lottery ticket if you want to! Because that is exactly what you are doing if you chose to have a child with a man whose previous actions have proven him to be irresponsible, careless, and selfish. You are rolling the dice, taking a gamble, buying a lottery ticket and hoping that you and your child will be worth sticking around for. To each its own, but I wouldnt take that gamble with my life, nor that of my child’s.

              Oh, and I like the T.I. and Tiny show, I think its funny and entertaining and they do seem to be a loving couple and god parents, however, look at what all Tiny had to put up with to finally get to that point! Two jail stints, infidelity, and it took like 10 years for him to propose! I mean, it turned out well for her and her family, but who wants to go through all that when you can just get someone who has their ish together from the jump?! Also, T.I. is a multi- millionaire so his financial situation allows him to easily pay child support to the other three mothers without it interfering with the financials of his household with Tiny. That is a very unique situation and not the norm for the everyday man with multiple baby mamas.

              • CommonSense

                First off comparing anyone’s relationship to a lottery ticket is insane, the odds of her relationship working are far more than someone winning the lottery. And if this chick wants to put up with the drama (if there is any) so what. Her child with him is here and she is happy. And I pray he marries her. He obviously loves her, he has been with her this many years, and never stayed with the others for that long from what it seems. As far as T.I having money, yes this is true but I only used this as an example so you guys could understand what I was saying. There are plenty of men that have children with other women and settle down with another WITHOUT the millions of dollars. Lets be real here. It’s not even about the amount of money T.I or any men with multiple baby mama’s has, its about him growing, maturing, getting, older, finding someone he fits with falling in love and settling down. The other women were not meant.

                • TeahMonae

                  You didn’t like my lottery analogy? I thought it was quite befitting! I hope he marries her too! Which one of us doesnt want to see a couple with a child together make it work? Of course we do! But as you said “Let’s be real here.” The odds are not stacked in her favor. She’s already been with this man for four years (two years prior to their child being born, according to her previous post) and he still hasn’t married her. As it stands right now, what makes her any different from the other three? And quite frankly, I don’t see how he has grown and matured when he for a FOURTH time impregnated a woman he was not married to repeating behavior that is irresponsible, selfish, careless and plain stupid. Once or twice, I can chalk it up as a mistake…young, careless. By the fourth time, that’s a pattern. Hopefully he has learned from his mistakes and misslady will be his last baby mama. I wish them the best. Truly.

                • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

                  Children can’t eat their father’s “maturity” they need food and clothing and shyt that’s hard to provide if you are splitting your average income 3-4 different ways.

        • Candacey Doris

          So you’re married then? If not, the term “baby mama” fits.

      • JaneDoe

        DWL… I can’t stop laughing

    • Meyaka

      You are the 4th woman to give him a child? Wow you are a better woman than me girl …

    • CommonSense

      It is not unheard of for a man to have several children by other women, settle down with someone, have a child, and then marry his last baby mama, look at T.I and tiny, (someone we can all see the proof of) their relationship…. which led to Marriage is fine with his three previous kids. I’m starting to feel like all of these negative comments are from BITTER Baby Mothers ready to knock down the next female because her situation is better than yours.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        “I’m starting to feel like all of these negative comments are from BITTER
        Baby Mothers ready to knock down the next female because her situation
        is better than yours.”

        What woman in her right mind would be jealous of someone hoping and praying for a ring from a man with 3 other baby mommas? Surely you jest. How is her situation better than anyone elses? Frankly she’s worst off than most. No matter what they eventually do they won’t be getting ahead economically for the next 18 years as he’s slicing up his check in 4 different homes. That’s a BETTER situation. Do tell.

        *This post brought to you by a Non-baby momma, happily married woman*

    • misslady

      First of all, everybody w/ something negative to say about me or my life can kiss my a$$. I have my life, and you all have yours. If you have a perfect life then I am happy for you, but as for me I can deal with the situation that I am in. It’s not for you to like, love, or agree with because what I eat don’t make you sh*t, boo. I am more than happy with my lifestyle. I did not volunteer to be anybody’s baby mama! I am the mother of his fourth child, yes, but none of you can talk about what we have going on because you are not me. I really hope it makes you feel better now that you are able to criticize another woman on her situation, when I am sure that some of your are either alone, have children with more than one man, or anything that someone else may not agree with, but that really is not for me to judge because everybody has their “issues”.

      I more than love all of his children like they are my own, and I got to know them for two years before I got pregnant by him. He is who I love, and I am going to ride this relationship out til the wheels fall off!!!! He takes care of his children, and they spend more time with us than they do at home. He works two jobs to make sure that what needs to be taken of is done, whether it is for his mother, his children, me, and even his siblings. Did he make poor choices with women? maybe! but he is mine, and “I got his back” no matter what. Just like God is able to look past what people have done in their lives, I feel that I should do the same. I make an effort to never judge another individual because of their situation because you never know what they are going through!

      The assumptions made about my life and how I feel that I am better than any of these women is, completely, inaccurate. They are all strong independent women with other children of their own, and I happen to be with him now, and maybe even forever. Only time will tell, but even if things don’t work out I am still my son’s mother, and that is all that matters to me, not how many children his father has.

      So, next time you want to judge someone else please take a look at your own lives, and to boo who said I need to have a seat, trust me I am having it right now in my office, at my desk!!! And when I leave here today, I will be going home to cook my man’s and my son’s dinner!

      Good luck to everybody in life and love, and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart! God Bless!!!! xoxo :-)

      • TeahMonae

        Well, I guess you told us! Obviously none of us know the ins and outs of your relationship and hey, if you’re happy being 4th in line, good for you!!! However, when posting a comment on an online forum, please know that you are going to get both negative and positive comments as you are speaking to a wide range of people with different experiences, opinions and motives. Personally, I am not judging you at all. We have all made poor choices in life and have our own crosses to bear. I definitely have mine. However, I am able to accept and admit to myself that “I made a bad choice” and you are still yet to admit to yourself that “I am the fourth woman this man has had a child with and not married. Something is not right with this.” And you’re right, you should look past what people have done in their lives, but that doesn’t mean you have to add more baggage to what they’re
        already carrying. I hope “your man” knows how lucky he is to have a woman who “got his back” and is willing to work with him to love and nurture four other
        children from outside relationships; as you can see from all the comments, there arent alot of women who would be willing to do the same. That’s a lot to ask of anyone and he should be showing you on a daily basis that he appreciates that. I hope ya’ll enjoy your dinner.

        • misslady

          I honestly dont mind the negative feedback, and my relationship is far from perfect, but we make it work. I definitely did admit that I am the mother of his fourth child, and like I said that is fine with me because I am not in love with who he was, I am in love with the person he is to me and his family, of course, including his children. What we have is something that takes work and effort, but, as far as the drama, that is over, and we live our lives together. We love our child that we have together, as well as his other children.
          And the funny thing is how you continuously claim to not be judging, but are constantly throwing subliminal shade.
          The people who have commented on this post seem to all be intelligent, but I am sure that there are some things that you all deal with that I can’t. Whether I am his 10th, 11th, or 12th baby’s mother, it doesn’t matter to me. Yes, I do love him, and from the outside looking in, I can understand where all of you are coming from, but once again, it’s my life!!!!
          And girl, yes this dinner bout to be the “YES”!!! I’m a self-proclaimed chef! LOL……good night everyone, and I really do appreciate all the feedback because it just let’s me see that people are really different and have different opinions!
          GOTTA GO!…xoxo

      • Kay

        lol you can’t come on the Internet, tell people you are a mans 4th baby mama and not expect to get any negative feedback no matter how Cory and topanga your relationship is

        • misslady

          Honestly, I don’t mind the feedback because I can understand where everyone is coming from, but I will say that my life works for me, and its as simple as that!
          The situation that I am in is not ideal, but it is what my life is, and saying that I am ashamed of having my boyfriend’s child is like me saying I regret my son, and when I say this little boy can have all my organs, if need be, that is no exaggeration.
          This hug my son just gave me makes me not care if he was the millionth, billionth child. So, dont think that I am mad about people expressing their opinions. It is definitely not like that, boo!

  • JaneDoe

    Depending on the age of the man two children is my limit. And they have to have the same mother. I can’t picture myself at this point being the third parent to a man’s off spring much less step mother to more than two of his children by two or more other women.. Nah not happening

  • realadulttalk

    Sounds like he’s still knocking those chicks off. Anyway–I can’t with all those kids. 2 is one too many really (I only have one)–but the max you can have and still be considered is 3. I might accept 2 mothers if you were married to one of them.

  • Ann

    Also, he may not have that kind to care of all those children and take you out on a date. His money is going toward paying for children.

  • Nikkita Michelle

    I’m not going to be able to do it. That sounds like way too many incidents of unprotected sex. If he couldn’t make it work with any of his children’s mothers that says a lot about his judgement or lack thereof. I can’t do it.

    • KIR12

      Men, especially men w/o kids, fill the same way about a woman with a child.

      • GirlSixx

        True, but I also heard that it all depends on how she came about to having that child.. (marriage/shacking up/bf/gf) men tend to give a pass and not care about dating a woman with a child if she had that child during marriage/LTR/etc..

  • Ann

    Well at least he told her that he has all the children by four different women. This guy knew he had problems with his baby mamas. He should have called a meeting with all his baby mamas and explain to them the only involvement they have is with the children. He should had this foolishness square away. Unfortunatley, you do have men that lie to women about how many chlldren that they actually have. A lot does not get talked about the men who have multiple children with women. You sadly always hear about the women who have multiple children with mulitple men. Hopefully he is taking care of all these children.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikia.dshiznit Nikia D-Shiznit

    Yes.

  • IllyPhilly

    I personally don’t want anybody with more kids than myself. Kids by multiple women/men that are still in their children’s life is a headache.

  • TRUTH IS

    Def…he wont have time for you as you need. Gotta attend to kids and mamas. Most of the times he probably still sexual with one of the mamas. It causes a rift. Why havent he work things out with one of his mama. He is not serious. I cant!!

    • IllyPhilly

      I swear that sounds like the exact situation a friend of mines was in. Her “man” would have her sitting in the car while he was in the house doing his ex-wife and got her pregnant again! The kicker, she stayed another 7 years after that. SMFH

      • TRUTH IS

        Is the d___ that good?!? Crying shame!!

      • Kells

        Wow… Your friend is stupid and any other woman that puts up with that bull

        • IllyPhilly

          Duuuuumb! We don’t talk anymore due to that situation.

      • AnnelliDAREAL

        It sounds crazy (and it is), however, when someone is in love, leaving isn’t an easy thing to do. Hopefully your friend finds the strength to leave this guy….he sounds like a f u c k i n g jerk.

    • AnnelliDAREAL

      RIGHT! Why didn’t he marry and commit to any of them BEFORE having children?

No thanks