So He Says: Legitimate Reasons You Won’t Get a Second Date

19 comments
November 28, 2012 ‐ By rkbyers

Source: Shutterstock

One of the most asked questions in dating, behind why didn’t he call me, is perhaps, why didn’t he ask me out on a second date? If you subscribe to the “he’s just not that into you” school of thought then you basically already have your answer, but have you ever wondered why he wasn’t that into you? It might have something to do with any combination of these first date behaviors.

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  • JaneJane

    The salad comment is off. At a particular restaurant where I live the salad is the most popular thing on the menu, I get it often with garlic mashed potatoes on the side!

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  • Find a Date

    Yeah , this is really good post and tell us that we should live loyal with our partners and give proper time for partners. People should be do share their secrets with their partners and spent enough time with them.

  • lacehankies

    I cannot invalidate this LIST…. though these are EXTREME cases!

    -there’s NO need to take someone around your FAMILY and close friends if you just MET the person(this doesn’t make you a shoe-in—it makes you appear quite presumptuous)

    -Order something to eat(and since calories are now noted on the menu—you can select a figure-friendly entree–if you are watching your waistline)

    -SEX–should NOT be discussed(not even payfully or subtlely) so NO night-caps back at his place or yours(MOST men will not turn down cookies but in the same token will JUGDE you harshly for opening that DOOR too soon) Speaking of which–I’m abstaining so I would NOT send any MIX signals–what I’d like for that MAN on the other end of the table to know is that I’m CLASSY and I want to learn more about the person. And I would NOT place a time-table on WHEN I would indulge(We know IF we WANT to indulge with a MAN so dinner or going out on a DATE is not a prerequisite).

  • PrettyNotPetty

    The one about the salad is just stupid and petty. maybe I just wanted a freaking salad. smh don’t read into things.

  • Pseudonym

    The important ones that you guys always leave out on these articles:

    1. You’re not his type, after all. and not b/c there’s anything wrong with you, you’re just not HIS type.

    2. He was really just biding time waiting for his ex to ask him back and she did, so they’re back together. OR, he was dating a bunch of prospects and one of them got serious or put her foot down, so they’re now together in a legit committed relationship.
    (I’ve notice the most aggressive men I meet are the ones one the rebound or in a relationship they’re trying to get out of.)

    3. He’s playing the numbers game and 5 other chicks called him back whereas you were waiting for him to call you.

    It’s not always that the woman did something horribly wrong. Sometimes (a lot of times, actually), it’s just random circumstantial stuff.

  • Machelle Kwan

    Most of the time, if he doesn’t call back it’s because he’s unavailable and he’s a lying dog that’s trying to have his cake on the side. If he really wanted to talk to you, he would.

  • Meyaka

    The salad example is a bit extreme,some women need to control their weight,plus a lot of dates or first dates are dinners,you can’t eat a big ole steak after a certain hour your body can’t break it down properly. Everything else is understandable.

    • guest

      Some salads are huge and can be eaten as a main course. I’m not sure why a guy would hold that against you either.

      He should respect a woman wanting to eat veggies…

      • nolagirl

        Team veggies!

  • Jen

    If he’s not interested, just keep it moving girl

  • Anonymous

    Agree with Reese! All except the salad I happen to be a gluten free (sometimes casein-free)
    Pescatarian the choices for eating out without getting TRULY sick during our date are slim. Gluten is in 80% of food so salad or fresh fruit are the only two option most places readily have available so I can actually enjoy our date. Most not all men don’t extend the courtesy to ask do you have any dietary restrictions beforehand. Everything else can agree with here.

    • KJ23

      This is completely off the topic, but (and I did a little bit of research so I wouldn’t sound like an idiot when I asked you this) what is wrong with gluten? I’ve been dying to asking a gluten-free person this for the longest. Please don’t think I’m taking a stab at you, but I’m legitimately confused.

      • Anonymous

        @a1ef68f715522bf4ee75370d7fcac1c4:disqus, No worries actually most people do not know or understand and most Celiac’s (those who are gluten-free) surprisingly are not vocal about the debilitating disease. Most recently educated a professional chef that I dated because he was not aware either so your question is actually very normal. Celiac’s have a food allergy and profound gastrointestinal intolence for gluten. Therefore we have to adopt a life-long gluten free eating style because if we don’t the villi (little finger like projections that absorb food) in our intestines are destroyed until we have no villi remaining. Finally no way to break down food resulting in atrophy and lastly stomach cancer. Now what is Gluten? Gluten is wheat a binder that is in everything from baking products, flour, oats, peanut butter, sauces, make-up, shampoo, you name it!!! I’m Afro-american and personally for me I am extremely sensitive to gluten so for me even my make-up, shampoos, conditioners and lotions all have to be gluten-free as well. Also have to avoiding cross-pollination through shared cooking utensils. When I go out on dates if I eat gluten lets just say me and the bathroom become really “acquainted” for hours because my stomach can not literally break down the food my body is still in the healing stage for my villi it takes years to heal. As an added beautiful bonus because my stomach can not break down the food it sounds like I’m extremely flatulent. Oh yes aiming to impress on the first date and that is always a great first date impression! :-) Celiac dot org and a search for Coelic disease can give you some more information too. Actually eating gluten free is really healthy for you as an FYI and most people love it after they have tried good gluten-free recipes. The best way to describe the difference is you don’t feel that “full” feeling you get after eating a typical McDonald’s meal you never get again it is just the opposite. Really healthy and some famous Celiac’s are Elisabeth (she wrote a cook book) Hasselbeck and Zooey Deschanel and many, many more. Appreciate you asking.

        • KJ23

          Thanks for answering! I would have never known all of that, thank you!!!

  • MsWright2U

    I think meeting friends is such a double standard. I’ve observed guys bringing chicks around their friends and family, only to find out that their relationship is casual (read non-existent) When a woman brings a guys around, it means that she is bringing him around because he is significant enough to meet people that matter to her. She thinks they’re in a deeply committed relationship, guys…not so much. Would I bring a guy around my fam & gaggle of girlfriends? Probably not, especially on a first date. I’m just saying guys are super guilty of this…

    • Nope

      ” I’ve observed guys bringing chicks around their friends and family, only to find out that their relationship is casual (read non-existent)”

      A lot of times in these cases the ‘relationship’ is just in her head. I’m a firm believer that we don’t ‘go together’ unless it’s been specifically discussed. No assumptions means less confusion and less feelings get hurt that way.

  • Reese

    I can agree with all of these except for the ordering salad comment. Ummm what if she’s a vegetarian or isn’t super hungry?

    • lacehankies

      Pardon…there are a variety of appetizers and entrees for vegetarians. Speaking of which appetizers are always IDEAL if you are NOT very hungry. To me, there is no sense in ordering JUST salad,if you are hungry, now your BODY is building up all these ACIDS(and AIR) in your STOMACH(and you may already be NERVOUS, since it’s a 1st date) and you know what’s happening NEXT—constantly excuses yourself to use the RESTROOM. Which can be easily preceived as –you’re NOT having a GOOD time—and you’re probably using your cell PHONE to talk with the ONE that you really wanted the date with. Anyway, I say order something to EAT(you can always take leftovers for lunch) .