I Love My Boo, But Honestly He’s Not On My Level. Can We Really Make It Work?

November 23, 2012  |  


Source: Shutterstock

From Essence.com

Q: Hello. I’m 22 years old and currently dating someone who is five years older than me. We have been dating for about a year and a half now and we love and care deeply for each other. My concern, however, is about our future together. He still lives at home with his mother, has no job and has changed his college major at least four times. He’s not very independent. His biggest dream is to run track and field.

Chasing after dreams is cool but I really don’t see that happening for him like he does because he’s been chasing this dream for a while now. I know I don’t have myself totally together and I find that all right for now. I’m 22 years old, and I’m not wasting time to get on my feet. I recently joined the military, and I’m sticking to the major I started off with. I fear that I will get ahead of him and I will pass him by. My mother stresses so much about getting with a guy who is more on my level, but he’s so sweet and caring. He has loved me like no other guy has loved me before; he has a big heart, he’s sensitive and a God-fearing guy.

He may not be able to take care of me financially, but when I’m feeling down, he’s there for me completely. I see myself benefiting from him through other ways. I know he’ll make a great husband, father and partner. I’m doing what I have to do for myself, so I don’t need to rely on a man. My question is: Does it matter most what someone’s current status is in life is, or ultimately, who they really are?

See what celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, who you’ve seen on the Braxton Family Values, has to say about this woman’s situation on Essence.com.

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

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  • wizdom

    Gurl Gurl! Been there done that! Run like hell in the opposite direction. Exactly like another commenter said HE IS TELLING YOU EXACTLY WHO HE IS get the point quick or you will rue the day you ever met him. A mortgage and two children later his indecisive lack of leadership and the inability to provide will NOT be cute or charming. You need a man who can stand on his own two feet and LEAD . Sigh… Tooo many black women fall into this same ole trap time and time again. I repeat. RUN! Which im sure ur good at since ur in the military. Lol 🙂

  • Umm does that dummy know she’s messing around with a minor? Hello being of legal dating/sexing age has got to be on everybody’s short list of must-haves. No honey not only would your relationship not work just taking your note on face value but LEGALLY you shouldn’t be messing with this boy. Chris Hansen come get this girl.

  • encourage him to finally finish his degree. As for the track and field if he is 27 already and has seen no parts of the big stage he might as well hang it up.

    • leigh

      The Only and Best answer, couldn’t have said it better myself.

    • Annette

      Did you read the whole article and the response? The title of this article is “Not On My Level” to get views. The girl doesn’t say her man is not on her level.

      The phychologist tells her it’s not going to work because he doesn’t have well thought out goals. He changed his major 4 times and now he wants to be a track and field star. It’s not like he temporarily doesn’t have it together. It sounds like he’ll have a hard time getting it together with no real goals.

      She can either sit down with him for a heart to heart and help him plan some better goals or she can realize he has some growing up to do and leave him alone.

      • Yep. All day! Why don’t women believe a man when he shows her exactly who he is. At the very least he is non committal and has problems making and sticking to decisions, and at the most he is lazy as hell and comfortable with coasting through life on someone else’s dime.

    • That isn’t the scenario here. It isn’t like he had an awesome job/career and lost it. He never had one period. He is comfortable loafing around college on his parent’s dime. That’s a HUGE red flag and one a smart woman with goals ought to consider. Someone who is almost thirty and hasn’t figured it out by now isn’t likely to figure it out any time soon.