From Marriage To Mommy, But Your BFF Isn’t Happy: 9 Signs Your Friend Might Be Jealous That You’re Growing Up

November 22, 2012  |  

So it’s the most important time of your life. Maybe you just got engaged and you’re going through hell and high water to plan an amazing wedding. Or maybe you’re past that and you’re becoming a mother for the first time. Maybe you finally got the job of your dreams! And while these are all usually times to jump for joy, when one of your best friends is acting like somebody stole something from her, it can be an extremely stressful time instead. That’s not to say that your BFF isn’t excited for you deep down inside, but for one reason or another, she’s not feeling that things are finally falling into place for you. If you’ve been wondering whether or not this is your girlfriend, here are a few signs that she’s igging this new milestone in your life, rather than digging it and being supportive.

PS, this can also describe a few family members…

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She Goes MIA

I’m not saying that your best friend has to be at your beck and call as you plan for your wedding or go through the stages of pregnancy, but damn, she sure doesn’t need to be impossible to reach. You try to call her to help pick out bridesmaid’s dresses and she doesn’t get back to you until days and days later when you’re in a panic. You’re hoping she will help plan your baby shower, but she hasn’t been seen by you or your other friends. You want to meet up with this friend for drinks before you make a big move and she acts like she doesn’t have a moment to spare. I understand that time is of the essence for everyone, but there’s a difference between being busy and purposely making yourself impossible to get in touch with because you’re all in your feelings.

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MIA In Terms of Being Supportive

And while you might have a friend that you don’t need to be a part of every single detail of planning and doctor’s visits and what not, there’s nothing worse than when homegirl can’t even offer you support. You’re not asking for money, but maybe a call from time to time to check in on you. This type of behavior is especially sad if you know that you’ve been there for your girlfriend when she was going through her own life changing events. When people are unsure about whether or not they’ll be a good wife, a good mother, or if they’re ready to make a big leap in their professional life, some kind words from a friend would be awesome. But when you’re mad, all you can offer is a cold shoulder.

She’s Extra Crabby

But what about that friend that is there for you during all the extra tough planning and doctor’s appointments and more–but acts like her time could be better spent somewhere else? A big sign of a jealous friend is one who can’t seem to be the least bit enthusiastic about your joyful time. She’s looking at her watch, doing a lot of sighing and eye rolling, snapping off over some of the smallest things when you were hoping she would turn up at something cheerful. A morose BFF will do nothing but try and bring down your good vibes, and they’ll work extra hard to do so.

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If They Can’t Get Their Way, All Hell Breaks Loose

When my sister got pregnant earlier this year she was excited to find out that her best friends since childhood would be putting on her baby shower. Too bad one of them wanted things done her way and according to her schedule. When the other friends found a restaurant for a good price and that was easy to get to for all, homegirl wasn’t happy because it wasn’t the particular place that she picked out. And if that wasn’t enough, when my sister set a specific date for the shower that she could get out of work and be home for (she lives in another state), her friend really disappeared off of the face of the earth and said she wasn’t coming because she had stuff to do. She didn’t even call the day of the shower, but instead, she gave some money in advance and vanished. Safe to say that my sister was very hurt, and it’s very safe to say that her girlfriend was feeling a bit salty that everything didn’t revolve around her.

They Try To Make You Think You’ve Changed And Are A Bad Person

If you’ve ever had to confront a girlfriend on her behavior or lack of help and support during your big time, she might try and tell you (or other people behind your back) how much you have changed. Sure, a bridezilla can drive everyone crazy, but when you know you haven’t been acting a fool, to imply that she’s been cold lately because she thinks that you’re too worried about yourself and have started to become cocky and think you’re better than everybody else, especially when she’s the only person who has said anything like that or believes such a thing, she just might be a bit jelly…

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She Starts Doing Things To Get Attention Back On Her

So you’re getting married! While I’m sure most of your friends are somewhere on the phone with you yelling for joy in a high pitch scream, you might have a friend who gets a new man out of the blue and acts like he’s the one so that a lot of buzz can be back on her. And don’t forget about the friend who heard about your new job opportunity and tells everyone she’s thinking of moving for a bigger and better job opportunity herself. She can’t seem to let you have your own moment because she doesn’t want people to think that her life isn’t also moving on to a bigger or better stage. She’s doing the most, and she might be jealous.

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Becomes A Pain In The Planning Process

There’s a certain dress you want your bridesmaids to wear, and all of a sudden she hates it. You tell her you need her to help you find a great place to get flowers because that’s her thing and she drags her feet on doing it. If that’s not enough, then she second guesses all the decisions you already made about what you wanted for your wedding. She turns her nose up at the music you’ve selected, and protests when you say that you want all the bridesmaids to wear a particular type of shoe or hairstyle. She literally becomes a pain in the a** rather than a supportive team player.

Makes Snarky And Disrespectful Comments

I’ve watched enough “Say Yes To The Dress” episodes to know when folks are being honest and just being hateful a**holes. I’ve seen a group of sisters (sadly, they were black), tell their sister she needed to get rid of her “fat back” if she wants to wear a strapless gown, and just make very backwards comments about her damn near every time she walked out in a new dress. Of course, the back story was that this particular sister trying on dresses was the first woman EVER in her immediate family (with four sisters and her mother sitting there watching her) to get married, so the shade was apparent. However, this isn’t uncommon. If your girlfriend makes fun or light of the new opportunities and milestones going on in your life to the point that they make you visibly upset and she doesn’t stop? She’s being a player hater.

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Cuts Everybody Off

Back to the MIA friend, a jealous girlfriend might not only stop getting in touch with you, but she might also cut herself off from everybody else involved in any bridal showers, baby showers and going away parties that mean a lot to you. She might get mad at the fact that the friend you’ve known since college but grown closest to got to be the maid of honor and might stop talking to her, or might feel like your other friends let her down in some way and give them the cold shoulder as well. When no one can say where she is or what’s going on with her, it’s clear that she’s feeling some type of way. She’s jealous, and while it’s okay to be, it’s not okay to the point that it’s very apparent and worrisome to everyone else.

Have you dealt with friends like this?

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  • Emmy03

    WOW!! what an amaazing article. Im getting married in 5 months and going through this with a “friend”. For peace of mind- I just cut her off. I don’t need jealousy and negativity around me on my special day.

  • but what about the friend who points out all your negative traits constantly and never say anything about the positive?

  • msbusiness

    I choose my close friends wisely. All are supportive. Knock on wood,I’m 30 now I’ve yet to have this problem, It probably helps that i’m also very outspoken and won’t hold back or tolerate any irrational behaviors.

  • jumpjoy88

    I have jealous friend who is not happy with me being pregnant. I have since cut her off but when she made contact with recently was “Damn! Your still pregnant?” (Mind you at the time was only 4 months along and she was the first to know when I found out. ) To which I replied solely outtve anger and disgust.” Well if you hadn’t of killed yours last year you could be as happy as I am today.” I haven’t heard from her since but I do feel bad for stopping to that level.

    • Miss K

      Wow! That was way outta line on your part…just saying smh

    • SheBe

      That’s a pretty fawked up thing to say. I can’t even chalk that up to hormones. Your baby isnt here yet and you have the audacity to say some foolishness like that? WOW! You better hope that chick named karma doesn’t knock on your door!

      • jumpjoy88

        Like I said it was done outtve anger.

  • Melody

    Shid!!!! Mines became MIA, crabby, distant from everybody, smart mouthed, and left her husband for a woman all within a week. Girl please. Get your life together and find a hobby. It’s enough attention in the world to go around. Please have a Greyhound bus full of seats and find your way back.

    • Nikki

      She left her husband for woman? Dang, that had to hurt!!!

    • Michelle

      Dead and buried at, “Get your life together and find a hobby.” PREACH sister PUREACH!

  • pickneychile

    Unfortunately I think every woman has had a friend display one, or several of these behaviours at some point. It’s a shame because it makes you wonder if you were ever really friends at all! As my granny says, “you see nuff gyal true colours round wedding and baby times.”

    • olivia

      granny neva lied…

  • Trisha_B

    But sometimes the best friend can shove it down your throat to a point where your not excited about it anymore & start to get annoyed lol. They’ll think your jealous b/c you don’t want to speak on it anymore or don’t want to be around them anymore. But if the 1 & only topic is your wedding, baby, new man all the time, i’m gonna need a little break lol i’m sorry

  • jae2

    My best friend stop talking to me because she wanted my first baby shower to be done her way. She disrespected my mother in law, my husband and I almost lost that baby because of the stress she was causing me. It was sad! After 19 years of friendship, she never changed. She always wanted things to be done her way. She always wanted me to wear the clothes she wanted( never let her win anyway though). I couldn’t socialize in any party because, she would get mad if I talk to somebody else or dance. At the end, I am glad that she disappeared in my life.

    • Live_in_LDN

      She sounds touched. You let it last 19 years though?