Does Everyone in Your Social Circle (Have to) Look Alike?

14 Comments
October 8, 2010 ‐ By Demetria Irwin

One thing that ‘girlfriend-centric’ shows like “Living Single,” “Sex and the City” and “Girlfriends” all have in common (besides the four ladies formula) is that each woman in the group fits a particular type.  In general, you have the loose one, the uptight one, the career-driven one and the wild card (airhead/golddigger/etc).  Part of the fun with those shows was knowing just how each different character would react to particular situations.  How fun to figure out which one you are most like and which of your girlfriends seem most like the others!


There’s one more commonality about those shows that maybe you have in your own crew as well. All of the groups of ladies on those shows were very demographically similar.  Around the same age, almost identical race/ethnic backgrounds (I think Lynn on “Girlfriends” was the only one that had a multi-racial heritage) and similar education.

That’s pretty reflective of real life. We do tend to befriend people who check off the same boxes on their census forms as we do.  It’s not necessarily intentional, but many of us grew up in and maybe still live in de facto segregated areas.  College was pretty much like “Higher Learning” (Remember Ice Cube explaining the different groups on campus?) and then you got your first real job, befriended the other brown faces at your job and went to after-work events sponsored by groups that cater to professionals of color. Of course your friends are very much like you!

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  • http://namebandwidth.com/madamenoire.com/ madamenoire.com

    Does everyone in your social circle look alike.. Keen :)

  • http://vezitter.info/madamenoire.com/ madamenoire.com

    Does everyone in your social circle look alike.. Outstanding :)

  • http://flare-host.com/madamenoire.com/ madamenoire.com

    Does everyone in your social circle look alike.. Reposted it :)

  • http://venediktdv.livejournal.com/ Jordyn

    Does everyone in your social circle look alike.. Outstanding :)

  • http://www.hlhkgkhjkgffjjjkcc.ca Emerson Sillery

    Hello.This post was extremely motivating, especially because I was searching for thoughts on this topic last Thursday.

  • http://heardhimsay.com Drew-Shane

    I think diversity among friends are good. It's funny because it's amazing how we are attracted to our friends and want to be around them. I think as long as the moral values and ambitions are there, that's what makes the connection. I want to be around people who keep themselves up, driven, social and fun- like myself. Each one will bring a different dynamic to the group.

    It's 2010, color shouldn't matter.

  • Angeleye

    Yeah my circle of friends is similar to the likes of something like Girlfriends or SATC, where the backgrounds are similar but diverse personalities. I've had a few friends here and there that came from different backgrounds but the friendships that have maintained the longest are the ones most similar to me. I think it just comes down to people gravitating to what is most familiar and you have the most in common with.

  • NiaM

    I know for me, all of my friends basically fit the same criteria. We're all single black females with pretty much the same education and hold almost the same position at our seperate jobs. We didn't ask each other where we were in our lives when we meet. We just somehow eneded up as friends. I think in order to have lasing friendships there has to be a something that you deeply have in common. It has to be someone who understands you and I think race, religion and education can't be left out when it comes to building friendships. Don't get me wrong it's not the only thing but those things are important.

  • Mecca

    I grew up with a whiteBF and black BF…color really doesn't matter to me since I lived in a diversed community growing up…shoot my babysitter were Irish and my godfather was Italian…people are people and I love all…its sad when folks state they can't befriend people because of their race but then again I had white boyfriends, black and hispanic…so its not that serious but people should hang out with people they GEL with!!!

  • Bronze

    No. That would be pure hell if everyone had a similar background to myself. Most of my friends are from other countries that I met in college. We are still close friends to this day. I would hate to have only black girlfriends. I'd be limiting my experiences.

  • Eugenia

    Well, people influence whether you like it or not so you might as well be influenced by positive people instead of drama-ful ones. I've lived long enough to know that you are who you hang around, whether you want to be or not. And also everyone else who sees you thinks you are who you hang around. So things in common are good thing, you don't have to have everything in common but a thread of commonality makes a good, long-lasting friendship. But I also think people with too many friends, don't have the kind of intimacy in a friendship that should happen. I think people take on friends too fast without critically thinking who they've just let enter into their lives and their spirit. I think people do that in love relationships too.

  • Starita34

    I enjoyed the read by the way. I'm reposting. It's an interesting theory. I've never subscribed to the birds of a feather thing…

  • Starita34

    Odd, all my friends are very different than me. In lots of ways: different races, cultures, backgrounds, religions, ages, sexual orientations, where they are from, moral compasses, family history, income levels…I've always been attracted to things that others possess that I do not.

    If I met me, I think I'd like me. Not that me or people like me are not interesting, just that I already know me. I have a "me" in the group. I'd like a little something different in my crew than just 7 me's.

    It's certainly refreshing to hang out with my high school friends on occasion (we have that regional connection that connects us on so many levels, though we're still different as night and day) but I enjoy the differences in people. And no matter who it is, where they are from, et al, there is always SOMETHING that you can relate to. In the end people are people.

  • Eugenia

    My friends are only like me in that we may share similar backgrounds like folks from two parent background or we're all some form of middle-class. But my friends are black, white, hispanic, African. The criteria I have is that you be a friend to have a friend. I don't make friends easily but once I do, I'm a loyal friend. But I don't people with a lot of drama in their lives and I like people who have goals whether you've reached them or not, you need to have some. I always say 'birds of feather, flock together' so I want someone I can influence to come up or that can influence me to reach for my better self.