Quirky and Loving It: Strange Things Single Girls Love To Do When They’re Alone
Have you ever been doing something and thought, “Now this is why I’m single”? Nah. It’s not. It’s just what you do, because you happen to already be single. Everybody does some pretty quirky things when they have nobody to impress! Like these.
Look at your doppelgangers
You’ve been told you look like Angelina Jolie, so when you’re bored, late at night with bad TV on, you pull up Google images of Angelina, and line them up next to photos of yourself, enjoying the similarities.
Practice your smile
Those casually snapped photos from the bar end up where plenty of potential suitors see them! You need to know just how far to stretch those cheeks so your teeth look pretty but your eyes don’t look wrinkly, right? We all practice our smiles in front of the mirror for Facebook photo ops.
Drinking straight from the bottle
There’s something deliciously defiant about just sticking a straw in a bottle of wine and popping in a movie, isn’t there? It’s a way only a single person could enjoy a bottle of wine, so why not indulge?
Unless you worked out in them, your socks can handle a little day of shopping in a pair of stiletto boots. If they won’t stink up the drawer, they can go back in.
Getting to second base on yourself
Sit alone long enough and you start to understand what it is men like so much about these squishy balls attached to our chests. They are warm, soft and give in to our touch like pudding in a balloon. And hey, temperature travels through the extremities; it’s important to keep those hands warm…
Watch Adult Videos
It’s not just for guys, or for hypersexual women. Perfectly normal, demure, even elegant women like Adult Videos. And sometimes weird, freaky Adult Videos. It doesn’t make you a freak, though.
Put on a giant t-shirt to eat a lot
You can enjoy your Friday night binge a lot more if you don’t have to watch your belly bloat with every Kettle Chip, right? Sometimes, you just want to let it all hang loose, and eat your favorite foods.
Hairy legs in the winter
I mean really, really hairy to the point where they’d slow you down if you were a swimmer. Hairy to the point that people would think you were stranded on an island for a couple months. Hey, nobody is touching them and it’s legging season. Who cares?
Make fun of it all you want, most women eventually crave to know what all the fuss is about with those sparkly blood-suckers. And most of the movies are available online. Nobody has to know…
Braless until necessary
Particularly when winter comes around, who can really tell if there is a bra under that jacket under that sweater under that camisole? Heck, if the material is thick enough and the fit is right, you can even pull off the bra-less look with a regular t-shirt. You’re just running to the store, right? Nobody is going to say anything about your headlights in the freezer section, right? Okay, maybe this one gets a bit out of control…but it doesn’t make it any less true.
Try on your super slory clothes
The clothes that you could never wear out without your friends denying they know you and somebody accidentally propositioning you—you know you like to see your body in those clothes. Sometimes, a woman just wants to see how her butt looks in an obscenely tight pair of pants, or how her boobs look in a top that plunges to her belly button. We don’t diet and work out to never even see our own figure in slory clothes!
Wear hideous underwear
Underwear that has holes in it, that you’ve had for five years, that have faded period stains on them, that are droopy on the butt, that you have to roll over at the top. When you’re a single girl with nobody seeing you in your underwear, throwing away a perfectly clean pair is just a waste!
Minimize hair washes
Nobody is running their fingers through your hair, or sleeping with their nose close to it. If you find the right balance, greasy hair can just look like shiny hair, and is much more manageable when styling. Cutting hair washes in half can save you a full two hours a week. Two hours you could be spending watching Twilight!
Painting over last night’s makeup
Just brush off the eyeliner crumbles under your eyes and you basically have that smoky-eye, just-had-sex look. Why ruin it by washing off your makeup? Just touch up the mascara, slap on some tinted chap stick and you’re ready for a day out.
Look at people that got fat on Facebook
Humans are inherently curious creatures. We love to know how others are doing. More importantly, how they compare to us. Admit it: you like to look up the old high school classmates you heard put on a lot of weight, or got a bad nose job.