You Can Help Us Here Fellas: 14 Things That Make All Women Insecure

November 20, 2012  |  
1 of 15


Has your girlfriend ever suddenly acted distant, needed to take a walk, or not felt like talking? It’s because she’s insecure about something that just took place! Even if you didn’t tease her or raise an eyebrow, sometimes your silence can be worse than anything when you’ve triggered one of your girlfriend’s points of insecurity. We know: you’re silent because you had no idea she was upset. But get with the program and know women need comfort and reassurance in these situations.


Career success

Whether a woman is much more or much less successful than you in her career, she is very conscious of that difference. A woman that is more successful might feel that you see her as dominant, or the one “in control” because she’s the one that can afford to take you both on trips. If she’s less successful, she may fear you think she’s not pulling her own weight in the relationship. The best you can do is show big support for all of her successes, whether that means becoming CEO or somebody’s assistant. Show her you find all of her efforts admirable, so she’ll never feel that she’s underachieving in your eyes, or intimidating.



Sexual rejection

A woman that initiates sex is a woman that doesn’t buy into the BS that being the aggressor is unattractive to men. Good for her! But she always fears a little bit that she is wrong—that maybe men do find an aggressive woman a turn off. Any time you reject her advances, she can feel the whole world saying, “I told you so…” Don’t let her believe it! Let her know why you’re saying no right now—maybe you’re tired or stressed. But let her know how completely attractive you still find her, and that you can’t wait to jump in the sack later.

The first time you see us cry

You may think it’s not a big deal at all when your girl cries in front of you for the first time. But your, “It’s no big deal” nonchalant, casual attitude to us might look like you freezing up or trying to pretend it didn’t happen. Make your girlfriend feel extra loved after she’s cried in front of you. Make her laugh, cuddle her. But no matter what, don’t go on as if nothing just happened. That won’t comfort her. It will offend her.

Your free time

When you tell us all your meetings for the day have been cancelled and you’re going home, we’re automatically thinking: why aren’t you spending the day with me? Are you trying to avoid us? Do you consider us an added stress/responsibility? Don’t think you need to explain how you spend your time? Then you shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship! When you need alone time, explain to your girlfriend that you’ve been stressed and that you’re trying to spare her of the bad mood you’re in. Make it about you, not her.

Your female friends

Even the coolest, most confident girlfriend quivers a little when her guy has tons of close female friends. That’s tons of females that have highly maternal, protective feelings over that guy. Those are women that, even if they have no romantic interest in the guy, instantly compare any of his love interests to themselves, wondering if that girl can take as good of care of him as they can. Before your girlfriend goes to meet your girl friends, she needs to know this: that you haven’t slept with any of them, that you never wanted to sleep with any of them and that none of them ever wanted to sleep with you. You may think it’s petty, but we need to hear it. If you have slept with any of your female friends, you need to bite the bullet and tell your girl now. She’ll find out eventually. She won’t be thrilled about it. But she’ll be even more upset if you hid it from her.

Your male friends

We know your male friends are the ones that know how you really feel about us. If you find us the least bit clingy, they know. If you think we’re weird in bed, they know. We need a little extra affection around your male friends so we can know that they know all is good in the relationship.

Complimenting your ex

It doesn’t matter if you still recognize that your ex was a great business woman, or athlete, or cook. If you mention that, all we are thinking is, “Why are you bringing her up? Is it because you still have feelings for her?” Anything other than negative, or neutral feelings towards your ex does not bode well for your current girlfriend. Keep your nice thoughts about your ex to yourself.

You seeing her place for the first time

Women judge a guy a lot based on his home. Is he a control freak? A free spirit? A mama’s boy? Slightly feminine? Old fashioned? Even though men may not give two thoughts to a woman’s place, we believe that you judge us as we judge you. So say something about our place the first time you see it (something nice, of course!) You get bonus points if you say something about the place, and how it relates to us. For example, “I love your decoration. It’s really bright and welcoming like you are.”

BMI differences

We women want to feel just the perfect amount of feminine next to our men. We want to feel slender but still curvy. We want to feel curvy but not larger than our men! If your girlfriend is a little on the plus size, always emphasize how hot her curves are. If your girlfriend is very slender but lacking boobs and booty, always emphasize how cute her petite figure is. Play up what is feminine about her body.

Your “number”

Your girlfriend will be insecure about the number of women you’ve slept with, if that number is high. If you have, for some reason, kept exact score, your girlfriend does not need to know that. If she ever asks you what your number is, say something like, “I don’t know. Somewhere in the fill in number here.” And do yourself a favor: round down.

Source: Shutterstock

Our first fight

We can play it cool for a while, but eventually every girlfriend is going to get emotional about something. We’re going to be a “total girl.” We all kick ourselves a little the first time we flip out on a new guy. When the blow up is over, don’t give us space. That’s not what we want. In this case, do go on as if nothing has happened. Ask us what we want to eat for dinner. Make us laugh. We need to know that our first fight hasn’t changed the way you see us. And if you act in any way weird or distant after it, we’ll feel we’re forever changed in your eyes.

Your relationship to our va-jay-jay

The taste, the smell, the color, the shape, the landscaping. We don’t know what you’ve seen in your time as a sexually active male. We don’t know how we compare. If you don’t pay our va-jay-jay any type of attention and avoid going down there to visit, we’ll automatically think you found something off about it or worse, that you are not into us enough to be generous.


Meeting your parents

We need tons of positive affirmation after meeting your parents for the first time. You might be silent in the car ride home because you’re content with how great things went. But remember, we were the ones under observation. We were the ones who had the potential to fail, or impress. We need to know what you thought about the first meeting with the parents. Pick out a few high points of the night and bring them up.

Her beauty regiment

Pimple cream, workouts for her flabby arms, that awkward phase when her eyebrows are only partly plucked. Getting pretty isn’t pretty. Even if you’ve shown your girl you like her for so much more than her looks, we all deep down have a little fear that when you see the curtain come down (i.e. what goes on behind the scenes of this perfectly put together woman) you’ll be terrified. If you happen to witness our beauty regiment, tease us playfully about it, tell us we’re cute when we’re doing our goofy looking arm exercises. Let us know it doesn’t phase you.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Name

    It depends on the severity of the insecurity. With some women no matter what you do or how you do they will make problems. You can love them with everything, smile, compliment them… A lot of women don’t know when they have a good thing.

  • psylocke_2001

    That last picture is so awkward. Most of these are.

  • Shena

    Boooooo! Another really bad, 15 things about nothing, by Julia. sigh.

  • Alohilani

    It’s exasperating to me that women’s articles are almost always in relation to men.

  • SheBe

    Ok I’ll bite. This list would’ve applied to me when I was like………. 20. You know, unsure of myself, insecure as heck, all that jazz. That’s just me though.

  • afroveda

    Clicking through these pages is just as exhausting as dealing with an insecure person. I don’t have time for either.

    • BEE

      Well, don’t click. lol Next article for you. I don’t understand when people come and complain about articles, the number of pages, and what not. Just remove yourself. It’s quite easily. I’ve seen articles without clicking anything but a link to open it on MN. Get over it.

      • BEE


      • Sheena

        We come to the article, then see the 15 pages and come straight to the comments section. No one complaining about the 15 actually click through them. And we are saying is we would like to read the info….just gonna click through 15 videos starting, 15 pop ads, 15 frozen screens because everything is trying to load.

    • This dumb website makes Black Women insecure

      • heyjupiter

        Can you please provide a little more commentary? I would love to NOT take your comments in a negative light as a dark-skinned, natural black woman. I think your list can be interpreted a couple of ways, so I just wanted to be completely clear before I respond.

        • ok

          Regarding all of the above, these are just some of the things ive noticed black women have trouble discussing. And also some of the things that cause great divide amongst black women, as far as the ” sisterhood” is concerned .

          • Alohilani

            These topics get discussed on more intellectual sites, not gossip sites like this one.

        • im sure as a natural Dark-skinned women, you would agree that at some point in your life, some of things ive mentiond have made you feel insecure.

      • Alohilani

        You can’t hide under a different screen name, ‘Cool Breeze’. You listed these same points on another article.

  • bluekissess

    So in other words “baby us?” I wouldn’t want that for myself. I would want a guy to pay attention a little bit more and “try” to be understanding.

  • Nope

    I’m going to guess (in interchangeable order):

    other women
    motherhood/lack of motherhood

    the relationship or ‘relationship’ in general