Double Standards And Stereotypes: Are You Dating Outside Of Your Race For The Wrong Reasons?

78 Comments
November 29, 2012 ‐ By Ashley Brumeh

There are double standards in life. Always has been and always will be. That’s why men get props for having multiple sexual partners while some women get dogged out for it. Somehow, double standards have also crossed over to interracial relationships and with them come lowered expectations, flawed thinking, and poor dating decisions.

Once upon a time, people used to choose mates based on their overall attractiveness, their personality, what they brought to a relationship, and the qualities they deemed acceptable. In today’s world, for some people, race is becoming the lone factor when choosing companions. Some very nice looking, successful, and intelligent men and women are increasingly finding themselves in ratchet relationships with people of the opposite race who have nothing to offer. Why? Because they actually have a beef with men and women from their own race that they don’t want to be honest about.

Time after time, people display their disdain for those within their own race that are too dumpy, too frumpy, too fat, too lean, too angry, too unambitious, too trifling, too hateful, too independent, too this, too that.  Yet when those same characteristics appear on someone of the opposite race they become acceptable.  When a black woman ditches black men altogether because of one terrible relationship and then puts up with just about anything from a white man because she thinks the end results will be better, it makes no sense. When a black man says he doesn’t think a weave wearing black woman is attractive but then parades a heavy makeup wearing white girlfriend around with the same love for extensions, his double standards become painfully obvious. When this hypothetical scenario made its way into reality for me, that was when I realized how common double standards are in interracial dating.

I have a black male friend that has an affinity for white women.  He’s a great person, always treats me with respect, and we always have a lot of fun. One of the best qualities my friend has is the fact that although he exclusively dates white women, he’s never really bad-mouthed black women.  His fondness for white women was a non-issue with me until the fateful day he reached the point of no return.

We were having a discussion about our preferences in potential partners when he jokingly said he could never date a woman with fake hair, bad credit, and no job. When he stated these reasons were what kept him away from black women, I couldn’t help but be bothered by the stereotype he tried to use to justify his appreciation for women of other races. I mentioned that some of his white former girlfriends were uneducated, unemployed, and wore excessive makeup and extensions on the regular.  In response, he explained that his former girlfriends wore makeup because they had bad skin and that they didn’t work because they were trying to pursue their passions, so it was all good. I tried to tell him that I didn’t understand his stance, but he continued to make ridiculous statements supporting his views.  His asinine, stereotype-based explanations for his basis of eliminating black women from his dating life made me think it wouldn’t matter what a white woman had going on: as long as she was white, she was all right.

My friend is not alone in his line of thinking.  There are black women, white women, and white men, Asian women and Asian men, basically people of all backgrounds, who also fall prey to the double standards of dating interracially–what they claim they can’t take about one group of people, they’ll ignore for another. Like who you like and do what you want when it comes to your dating life. One of the best aspects of the freedom we get in this country is the opportunity to date whomever we choose.  However, it would be wise to fairly apply the same standards to everyone without regard to race. All I ask is that people be more honest about what they like, and why they like it, as opposed to using stereotypes and a few bad experiences with a certain kind of individual to blacklist and bash a whole group of them.

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  • SKR

    This is an absolute hurtful & untrue stereotype message.

    I’m Asian – Chinese descent, My man’s mixed half Caucasian/African, we’ve been in relation for 1 1/2 years. I’ve never met a man like him, loving caring etc, and so says he, one thing I don’t understand is, why have you guys gone so far for this kind of topic?

    Since when racial talks has become so important? and when will you end all this at once? Were we all not from one tree? one seed? Honestly, my dear people, this is immature thinking & underdeveloped society concept we are facing everyday but, just
    because everybody is acting so, what makes you believe that you may also
    involve and protest your identity? Why aren’t you proud? Another thing is, LOVE
    KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES, RACES, COLOURS, ABILITY/DISABILITY, HATRED, SEPARATION, RESENTMENT/REVENGE!!!

    When most of my best friends are African, I feel so much comfortable & get along very well with them!!!

    Every single friends I know of, seen of or heard of ARE faithful to Christianity/Islam.

    (Faith, God, Love, Positivity) – Religion.

    So, if Quran / Bible had mention so many good things; since when and WHO did teach you guys all these sorts of things like this, it’s up to an individual human to decide the life and choices he wants to make, and so, does everybody, EQUALLY.

    YOU & I. WE have that choice!!

    If an African man decided that he only wants certain types of partners, chances are that he
    must’ve felt something different to carry on doing so but, still, his experiences are HIS experiences, we all must respect that, that is his personal life as when it comes to courtship in our lives as humans we thrive for the ones who we feel comfortable with. Still, it is sensible thing to respect people’s own relationships and so, when it comes to your others can do the
    same.

    AS love knows no boundaries, it is unconditional feeling as it is selfless and caring and
    longing for another, the only best gift God has left us here on earth to survive through all the tragedies, as God prepared us, he never forgot to provide us miracle known as ‘LOVE’ as a eternal blessing.

    Who knows, if tomorrow a Caucasian white men/women falls in love with African origin’s
    people. So does if the Far East people or anywhere else. Why should we hate such a blessing? if love can form a new race itself? – which was in God’s plan.

    Another thing; please do not forget, whoever created this -white/black- thing it sounds ridiculous!! What may have happened long time ago, today, in general, We all are failing to
    understand —- > that we are in a very different phase (Today), that phase where we all have grieved and have been profound by love and peace most of all, with daringly pure friendship.

    Which is known as ‘UNITY’.

    Why are you guys in hatred so much?

    Understand that – in so much hatred, comes so much pain, great sorrows but, if we all as human should desire to move onto THE NEXT PHASE, we ALL (Yes, everybody of us!) have to look for the positivity right above and far distant – on straightforward.

    And we all human can then be moved forward, all at – once.

    Together, we can only be moved ahead if we stop hanging onto — what’s supposed to be left behind. Why can’t an African woman marry a Caucasian man? Why not vice versa? Why me as Chinese woman can’t marry an African or Caucasian? or Indian? or Persian? or Jew?

    And what about those lessons??? Ask yourself this, why haven’t we all learnt by now? When we should’ve been – That many legends, great leaders has lost their lives, sacrificed their lives for us — ONLY for our UNITY?

    WHERE HAS MARTIN LUTHER KING’S DREAM GONE SO FAR? ALL THE BROTHERS & SISTERS TO BE SITTING ON THE TABLE TOGETHER WITHOUT NO FEAR, NO JUDGEMENT INVOLVED – ONE DAY? — Hatred to END one day, NOT CONTINUE!!!!!!

    Do not forget, that King had a simple, yet beautiful dream – that could’ve become true and he
    didn’t have to leave too early, if ONLY we all would’ve understood. What White? What Black?

    We are not products to be named, we are not items or anybody’s properties to be tamed, really, we all even one day have to realise that not even your biological parents can brand you and that you’re not even their properties- that you’ve your own choices, own life, that you’ll sort out one day, on your own.

    And what about the John F. Kennedy? Abraham Lincoln? without these great Caucasian leaders, why don’t you feel that our steps into UNITY would’ve post ponded a little furthermore?

    ISSUES ARE NOT INTO THE TYPE OF PEOPLE ITSELF, THEY’RE IN OUR HEADS!!!

    WHEN YOU START IT, THEN THEY WILL START IT, WE ALL WILL AND IT KEEPS ON GOING ON & ON, UNTIL ANOTHER LIFE IS LOST AGAIN?? HOW MANY MORE?

    ALL THESE SACRIFICES, FOR WHO?? NOBODY CAN HAVE A CHOICE TO CHOOSE – WHERE THEY WANT TO BE BORN, WITH WHO AND HOW.

    Love can happen to anyone, anybody, any type, any race, anywhere, anytime, do we always plan that? Do we always know how to control and help falling in love? If your answer is yes, then you must not be from this human world. Because then you’ll win, you must be right. Other than that, we all know we are only human, and in everything we do — positive or negative, criticising, hating, separating, OR discriminating, uniting, loving, bonding, forgiving OR caring. All this.

    Stop hating stop preaching hatred resentment.

    Because you all are beautiful, you all are one of a type, you all are genius you all have the
    potential to be. So, stop hating, if one doesn’t, then how come so many other would ever? it all starts like a drop of the waterfall to the river to the sea, like the slow process of the evolution of the living beings to the humanity and so does the one example and sacrifice of one solider to those many, will move forever and so on.

    Be idealistic, not the one who has overcome with power, anger and push, overall extreme
    resentment. Please stop hating. Unite you all, us all, we all. We are one.

    Final thing, if we were all to be united for once and for all, there would be no hatred, there
    would be no resentment, no more avenging, no more competition, no power, no criticism no cold world, no ignoring society, no infidelity, no lies, no deception, no more hurtful happenings, no more killings, murders, robbing, rapes, OVERALL,NO MORE VIOLENCE !! Because this kind of issue has become one of the MAIN cause of warfare today.

    And if it would be stopped, one person, one day at a time, in many years to come by, especially for our children, all our bloods, all our genes (future kids), they would learn
    something remarkable and there would be — HEAVEN ON EARTH. Why have you humans gone so insane? When all we want is the same thing?

    As being God’s children, you will not misjudge others, those who are same as us. Our flesh and blood.

  • http://www.facebook.com/whenshesmilez Ashley McCollum

    Honestly, I’ve always been attracted to pretty much whatever. Sure, I’ve encountered those who are quite ignorant (I’m not trusting anyone that says they aren’t attracted to a particular adaptation). I’ve been in an “interracial” relationship for two years, and we are both one another’s firsts. Honestly, it was not something I went looking for but I was definitely open to it. And of all the Black men I’ve ever dated, he was the first to get it right the first time. Court me…

  • http://www.facebook.com/authorjames.w.lewis Author James W. Lewis

    I admit, I’ve encountered this before from all races. It’s interesting to hear Latinas make similar claims about Latino men as some sistas say about brothas. Grass ain’t always greener on the other side.

  • DisappointedBro

    I dunno what it is about me but black women are simply not attracted to me.
    I got a lot of attention from them in college but I think it was because the fraternity that I am in drew them in. After college I noticed that I simply wasn’t a hot commodity with them. I never could see why? I’m extremely fit, healthy, 6ft. tall, in a major city, great job/career. What gives? I grew up with nothing but black folks and I live in and truly enjoy our community. I shop black (when possible), I speak black, I think black, live black but its consistently no haps with the sisters for me. The only black women who seem to give me romantic attention are married (no can do), older women 40+, heavier sisters (not my type/match), and those with 2 or more children (I have none). In black women’s defense I may be a little difficult to understand. I have radical/progressive political beliefs and I’m not a Christian. I’m a stern believer in marijuana and its legalization and I’m a realist in every sense of the word.
    So for me the plan has changed. I’ll be 40 soon and I’ve ditched any plans of having a family and/or children (let alone raising anyone else’s). I now date outside of the race in order to have a social life. I don’t have a problem with black women for not being interested in me…it is what it is…but yeah the reason I began to date ‘others’ is simply because I like who likes me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/whenshesmilez Ashley McCollum

      Coming from a 25 year old–I call BS

      • DisappointedBro

        You too huh? lol
        …the m/f’n saga continues!

    • IvyNoLeague

      You said you received attention from black women in college therefore clearly those women we’re interested in you. It’s not like you couldn’t one and was ignored you in college. Couldn’t those women have had a legit attraction to you? you said it was because you we’re in a fraternity. Then go on to say ” the reason i date others because i like who likes me” yet it was black women who showed interest. but the ones that are/was interested in are not the ones you want .

      So i don’t understand …. You’re making it seem like black women ignored you but the ones that paid you attention are the ones you’re ignoring. make no sense.

      • DisappointedBro

        With all due respect, it ain’t hard to understand at all. I was in a popular black frat with plenty of young women around it so…opportunities abound. Many of these women may have truly been interested in me and I showed PLENTY of interest toward many of them as well. Still, none of those relationships ever developed into anything long term and it wasn’t because I didn’t try. As I got further away from campus life I noticed that those women and other sisters weren’t as interested anymore. Keep in mind that I graduated college in the summer of ’97.
        I’m not saying that I haven’t had black girlfriends or that no sisters whatsoever have shown interest over the years (remember Internet comments and the way we read into them tend to be a bit extreme). I’m just being honest and saying that since I’ve been a grown man a large amount of black women tend to not be feeling me too much and especially not the way I’d want them too. I think the reason that it may sound unbelievable is because so many brothers out here LIE about the hordes of fine women they pull and we hear that stuff so much that when a single regular brotha comes out and speaks the truth about how unspectacular his own love life has been with sisters, then it sounds extremely foreign. Oh well. We all have our different paths to greatness/happiness.
        The most interesting thing about this conversation to me is that black women (and women in general) say all the time that they are the ones who choose in relationships whether us men know it or not. Then they find it hard to believe or place blame on me when I tell them that I haven’t been ‘chosen’ by many of them. Even the ones that I got with ‘chose’ other options later…only to come back to reconcile in several cases…I’d moved on.
        To your statement, I don’t ignore anyone. I speak to as many women as I can each day (I call it practice) especially when I’m attracted to them. There are beautiful sisters throughout my city but sadly most of them are reluctant to be friendly with random passersby. I think that’s any race in 2012 America and beyond.
        Lastly, I’ll clarify my statement…I like who likes me be she African-American, Latina, Turkish, etc… given that I’m attracted to her. I’m not going to get with a lady who I have no interest, no attraction and no compatibility with simply because she’s of ANY race/ethnicity, including my own.
        Much love.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/PGJJTZYREJ6G53XS3SM5OVEF5Q Reese

      It could be the area you live in. Or maybe your beliefs. I don’t know, but I am in the same boat with you. Black men never been attraacted to me. I don’t know why. Some of my friends have even told me that I need a white man; a black man won’t get me. I don’t understand it, but both are married to brothers so it something about me that doesn’t attrack them.

  • brian

    I’m white guy and i have seen black friends of mine avoid a pretty black woman just to be with a frankly average-looking white/latina woman.
    This has happened so many times that i wonder if it’s a remnant of a historical psycho-complexity.

  • NikkitaMichelle

    It’s crazy. My brother only dates white women. He claims he dates all women yet he’s only been married to and only brings home white women. Over the years there’s been several black women who have tried to date him, but his thinking is all screwed up. A sister pretty much has to be Halle Berry for him to really give her a chance and she has to have her act together on all fronts. Yet he’s brought home white chicks pregnant by some other dude, all of these white women have daddy issues, and he has some sort of hero complex for white women. He just wants to save them. We’ve given up on him ever dating anything but white women. If he likes it I love it.

  • heyheynow

    People are always saying black men are the only ones who disrespect their women I’ve been guilty of saying this. However if you never hang out with anyone but black people how can you say they are the only one who does something. In addition I have learned that 85% of black men with a college degree will date and marry black women and 95% with a HS diploma so screw that 15% who doesn’t like black women. The odds are in our favor black women! Thanks oh and great article

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1633676622 Lennon Jones

    I pretty much think this whole topic is stupid that you know why someone dates outside there race, as a black man I’m married to a hispanic woman I didn’t wake up one morning and say you know what my favorite today is mexican woman I’m through with black woman no I fell in Love with a woman not becuase of her race but because of the person that she is nothing more all this other crap is crap

    • heyheynow

      the article said some people not all people so why are you getting affended?

  • BYE MN

    *Checks watch*….I knew we were about due for another Interracial Relationship post…*Tries to fight off all the ads….exits*

  • On_Point

    *yawn* MN is obsessed with this IR dating as if its some new thing. IR dating is not that serious, just like dating inside your “race”. Who cares date whoever you want, you don’t need to parading it around like it is some sort of prize, because it is not.

  • Jackie

    I don’t have an issue with men or women dating outside of their ethnic background; as long if they’re madly in love with each other (mind, body, and soul) and not just for the color of their skin. It really angers me to see our people date other men or women who are white, Asian, or whatever to spite themselves and their own people. Date someone because you think they’re beautiful/handsome, witty, caring, loving, fun, ambitious, spiritual, etc by getting to know them first; not by getting to know their stereotype.

  • Jackie

    I don’t have an issue with men or women dating outside of their ethnic background; as long if they’re madly in love with each other (mind, body, and soul) and not just for the color of their skin. It really angers me to see our people date other men or women who are white, Asian, or whatever to spite themselves and their own people. Date someone because you think they’re beautiful/handsome, witty, caring, loving, fun, ambitious, spiritual, etc by getting to know them first; not by getting to know their stereotype.

  • http://twitter.com/Normally_Weird driven

    I am normally irritated by the interracial relationship articles on MN, BUT I LOVED THIS ONE! It’s because it aligns with my beliefs. I AM IN NO WAY AGAINST interracial relationships, i just hate it when it is done for the wrong reason, or for any reason at all. And I see the double standards across the board.

    Take my beloved friend for example (true story) We’ll call her Denise. Denise is a gorgeous, educated, good cooking, grounded young black woman *20 y/o, and she always loved white boys. (no problem) The problem is, Denise is currently in a (unhealthy) relationship with a White man that is almost 30 with no job, and hasn’t had one in years, suffering from depression, is mildly overweight, has debt problems, and gets his gas money and rent from some other female that he used to mess with. What’s her excuse? “He’s a hippie, a little unmovitated, ect ect”

    Now, i bet you $10,000 that if a black man with the same profile tried to even approach her, she would have called him all kinds of broke N words!! Ooh mind you, like 2 months ago, she swore up and down she would never talk to a guy that doesn’t have a job, but i knew white men were her weakness.

    Now take me for example, I love all men. I’ve dated white before. But best believe, my standards are the same across the board. “If you ain’t got no money take you broke azz home!!”

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

    Just remember : We are in a system of white supremacy.

    • temple t00

      And we are also in a system of black suppression & matrix thinking. Fighting on two fronts.

      • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

        I agree. I would also say that they’re the same thing. White Supremacy intentionally produces many silly , confused, pitiful, primitive thinking black/ non white people.

  • IllyPhilly

    I’m not worried about what Black man is dating what white woman because he’s not worried about what Black, White, Asian, Spanish, Pakistani and so on guy I date!

  • Alohilani

    Here we are again. People who do not like to talk about interracial dating continue to click on interracial dating articles. I don’t get that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      me neither. there are just as many articles about relationships ,period, on this website. why the big fuss when it’s about interracial dating?

      • Alohilani

        I couldn’t begin to tell you.

    • http://twitter.com/Normally_Weird driven

      because everyone can still share their opinion. that’s what the comments section is for, although i loved this article.

      • Alohilani

        I was never disputing what the comment section is for.

    • http://twitter.com/Normally_Weird driven

      because everyone can still share their opinion. that’s what the comments section is for, although i loved this article.

    • temple t00

      Right! They’re missing out on the other 99% of the articles that Madamenoire’s writers work hard to provide.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikia.dshiznit Nikia D-Shiznit

    The people you are referring to who show disdain for their own race must be black, because I have yet to hear other races do it. I like other races of men, and I’m black. However, I’ve encountered BS from them too, so there are no rose colored glasses. I don’t have to hate black men in order to like other men. I just like otherness. I would never diss my own for guys who do the same s**t.

    • IllyPhilly

      Testify!

    • Alohilani

      Just because you have not experienced hearing people of other races or ethnic backgrounds address disdain for those of their own, that does not mean that someone who does must be Black.

      • http://www.facebook.com/nikia.dshiznit Nikia D-Shiznit

        I’m sorry. Correction: other races aren’t so vocal and public about their disdain for their women like black men. There.

        • temple t00

          you fixed that very nicely :D

        • Alohilani

          Okay. Your original comment did not convey that message, which is why my response is what it was.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1633676622 Lennon Jones

      Everyone has there preference there is nothing wrong with that, you do have a few out there who do date a certain race becuase what they percieve that race to be but that list of people who do that is small, you don’t have to justify why you date who you date no matter what race you are

  • Alohilani

    For me, I am not attracted to Black men, so I would not date or marry a Black man. But also, the attitudes that Black men have about women and life is a major turn off.

    • get real

      Wow. A black person is not attracted to what she sees in the mirror. Wow. You kneegrow bed wench. Massa would you love you, and the rebellious slaves would kill you because you would fill massa” in on their escape ad uprising plans. I will always love and date people that look like me.

      • Alohilani

        If you said this to me in person, I would laugh at you in your face. Not being attracted to Black men has nothing to do with how I perceive myself. That whole ‘self-hate’ argument is tired and doesn’t mean a darn thing to me. I couldn’t care less about who you will always date and love. What does that have to do with me?

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

          She is true to an extent. It all balls down to why you aren’t attracted to them. Think about basic traits women find attractive in a man. Nice Smile,funny,tall, etc…. those traits can be found in every race, including black men as well. SO if you’re going to say you aren’t attracted to them, then you’re going to have a really strong argument as to why you would dismiss a whole race of men. But date who you want to date, just means more hot black men for me

          • Alohilani

            No, no, no. You can’t be serious. I don’t need to have a ‘strong argument’ for why I am not attracted to Black men. And, I am not ‘dismissing’ Black men. I am just simply not romantically attracted to Black men. I couldn’t care less about what other women find attractive in men and what traits Black men have. That has nothing to do with me, and it doesn’t change anything. I’m not sorry, but really, your comment is absolutely absurd.

            “But date who you want to date, just means more hot black men for me”

            Um, yea. I don’t need your permission. And, me not dating Black men does not mean ‘more Black men for you’. It doesn’t even have any bearing to your life.

            • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

              Maybe you don’t need a strong case is because you don’t have one..I’m not saying you HAVE date black men, I’m just curious as to why

              • Alohilani

                Um, okay. It is not as if I have a prepared argument for why I am not attracted to Black men. It never crossed my mind that me not being attracted to Black men would warrant an explanation. Why are you curious? What difference does it make to you? I mean, you date Black men. Am I curious as to why? Nope. I couldn’t care less.

                • get real

                  Look just admit it, you probably were teased about being dark, ugly or nappy headed growing up and that left u emtionally scarred (lol) now u are praying to the high heavens for a biracial child so heshe won’t feel ugly about themselves growing up. Not only do u hate blk men but probably everything blk. Blk men just aren’t checking for you so don’t try to say its the other way around.Feel free to answer why u don’t date people that look like u? If your dumb answer is going to be ” I don’t owe u an explanation” etc then shut up with your stupid white worship. What makes them special and blk men scum of the earth. Stop running and answer the question.

                  • Alohilani

                    Wow, just wow! You’ve really gone off on the deep end on this one. You think you know something about me? Do you think that if you angrily bang on your keyboard, berating and insulting me with your unfounded, hateful drivel that I am going to engage in a sensible discussion with you? You seem like a darn lunatic with that mess you typed. The only person here who has said anything about White men being ‘special’ and Black men being ‘scum of the earth’ is YOU! No one is running from anything. You can save your irrational diatribe for someone who is too dimwitted to not know any better. I am going to need for you to ‘GET REAL’. Now, you can respond with whatever you want, but I won’t be listening. You’ve been dismissed.

                    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                      “You seem like a darn lunatic with that mess you typed.” ahaha! exactly! i generally do not find american black guys attractive ,but, black women are a completely different story. i see beautiful,black women everywhere!

                    • Alohilani

                      My thing is – There are Black men who are attractive, to me, but I am not romantically attracted to Black men.

                    • B Eazy

                      If I may interject, the question was not why would you date interracially, but why wouldn’t you date your own race.

                      If you’re not attracted to Black men that’s cool, which you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you. However there is/are always a reason(s) why we are not drawn to, like , enjoy etcetera any given thing. Sometimes the reason is difficult to articulate, which is a real answer you could give. If you actually don’t know what the reason is, or further still don’t even know there IS a reason, I humbly submit that you’ve got some soul searching to do.

                      Know Thyself.

                • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

                  Everyone has a reason as to why they do things. I never asked for an argument just an explanation. I mean if you have nothing to be ashamed of then answer the question.

                  • Alohilani

                    You think I haven’t answered your question because I am ashamed? Bwuahahaha. I haven’t answered your question because it is not something that needs an explanation. That’s final.

                    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

                      In a weird way you’ve already given me my answer.

                    • Alohilani

                      Notice how you didn’t say ‘the answer’, but ‘my answer’, which tells me that whatever reasoning you have come forth with has been because of your predetermined perceptions. But I am satisfied that it is settled for you.

                  • get real

                    Good luck trying to get her to answer. It might be a white boy or some little girl just trolling. I date blk women and can give 100 reasons why. But that poster refuse to give a single reason as to why she’s not attracted to people that look like her.

        • get real

          That’s right dance and dodge from what I’m really saying. I didn’t say one word about self hate, but I did say how can you not date someone that looks like your nappy headed behind? White people have the highest divorce rate in the world so just why in hel* are they “relationship saviors”? When you find a white daddy that will actually date you, constantly throwing blk men under the bus ( I know that’s what you bed wenches do)will not bring you closer to him. Now reply with your continious white worship and I will continue to break down why you are a bed wench.

          • Alohilani

            More nonsense that you type.

            :What does the divorce rate of White people have to do with me?

            :Who said anything about White people being ‘relationship saviors’? What in the heck are you talking about? Not once did I say anything about dating White men.

            :Why does “I am not attracted to Black men” mean I am looking for a ‘White daddy’?

            :Who is worshipping White men? I didn’t even speak about White men!

            :Yes, ‘get real’. Go ahead and create arguments, pretending that it’s what I said or implied so that you can get your rocks off typing that drivel that you like to type on here.

            • get real

              Ok, I’m done with u. You just want to double talk and talk in circles. I’ve asked you why don’t you date blk men, Kayla asked you the same thing and we keep getting these Tom and Jerry cat and mouse answers. No one is against interracial dating, I’m questioning your “I go out of my way and refuse to date blk men” bs idealogy. So I’m going to make one last attempt here, why don’t you date blk men? If its just more double talk then just answer. If you run to the bs “preference” card, then why you do u “prefer” people that don’t look like you?

      • Kay

        lollllllll you posts are always so ridicoulous all I can do is laugh

        • get real

          Have anymore fresh lies about dating white boys at age 5? Lol.

          • Kay

            Lol I’m sure i specified that we were best friends since birth but i know you cant read so I’ll give you a pass

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1633676622 Lennon Jones

        OK get real that is your rite just as it is Alohilani rite your not wrong and neither is she

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1633676622 Lennon Jones

      I’m assuming that is your perception or experience that you’ve had but not all are like that, that is your rite to not be attracted to black men but I will tell you don’t put us all in one basket and think that we all think like you said that turn you off

      • Alohilani

        Not all are like what? What did I say all Black men were like? I don’t need for you to tell me that it is my ‘right’ to not be attracted to Black men. That doesn’t even make sense. It’s not a matter of right or wrong. I never put all Black men into ‘one basket’. I am not attracted to Black men. There is nothing more to it. Why are you all trying to change my mind? Do you think you can talk me into to suddenly finding Black men attractive or wanting to date a Black man?

        • get real

          Lord have mercy. You are still clucking like a duck and double talking.

  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.browne.7165 Amanda D. Browne

    I wish we could just drop the IR dating topic already. It’s almost 2013! People are going to date who they’re going to date. Who cares?

    • http://twitter.com/Normally_Weird driven

      i feel you, but this article addresses a double standard i am seeing with one of my close friends, so it hits home for. its not about simply dating outside your race, its about dating outside your race for the wrong reasons.

  • Dawnn

    I have to agree with Ashley with the writing of this article. Her male friend has the ignorant thought process, it is acceptable for him and other black guys to date white women or women of other races who don’t have a job, wear lots of make up, wear fake hair, have plastic surgery (and the black guy will pay for it), have a foul mouth, bad credit, lie, uneducated and don’t have nothing going for them. He had the unminigated gaul to make excuses for them. But yet he refused to date black women for the above reasons. I don’t have a problem of people dating outside of their race. My issue that I have is how they put white women on a pedestal as if they do no wrong. It is amazing and it is ashame black guys have that kind of though process. I don’t know what is about a white woman they are just fancinated no matter if they are unattractive, uneducated, have a foul mouth, likes to brawl, etc. They will move heaven and earth for them almost.

    • Alohilani

      His thought process isn’t ‘ignorant’. He seems to well aware of his preference and the reasona behind it.

      • Dawnn

        I think he is ignorant. My personal opinion

    • ieshapatterson

      true.just like this author,my black guy friend wouldn’t touch or even consider a black girl as his girlfriend.he said that we we’re over weight,loud,rude,smelly and brought too much drama to the table.black girls(expect me) were not worth his time.yet,he would go for the overweight,loud mouth white girls who were trying to be black.

  • 1micmcna1

    I feel what the other three posters are saying, but I also see why we talk about it so much. It’s because it really is a big issue in the african-american community. It goes back and speaks to how we view ourselves as a whole (same for any race). We want to preach community while lacking it in seemingly every aspect of our lives. This is actually why I prefer dating black women rather than interracial dating. There’s no legitimate reason to do so unless I just want the white skin. You definitely can find everything (or most things, nobody’s perfect) that you want in a mate from your own race, but we act as if that is impossible. It really speaks to our own mental perceptions about the world we live in. And how we perceive the world affects how we interact with it.

  • SheBe

    Dead horse, meet stick.

    • IllyPhilly

      Oh yeah, plus one

  • .:*whitneyeclectic*:.

    I adore coming to this website but I only have one thing that irks me about it (besides the excessive ads that almost prevent me from browsing/reading anything): why does this interracial dating topic keeps coming up? It seems as though we’re going in circles about the same issues over and over. I don’t see this on any other sites in abundance. :/ #theresmoretolife

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      i’m sure there are just as many articles about relationships vs interracial relationships.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/PGJJTZYREJ6G53XS3SM5OVEF5Q Reese

        I know. I go away for a while because I am tire of this topic.

    • B Eazy

      The importance of Black people examining interracial relationships cannot be overstated. The future of our race will be shaped by all the choices we make as individuals within the collective, particularly one that will decide the racial make-up and ethnic identity of our children. As a race we aren’t yet in a position to make certain choices with no consideration for it’s impact on the community. Whatever choices we make as individuals should be made consciously and with proper the perspective to understand our own choices.

      I do wish we would communicate with love and acceptance in our hearts, and a seeking of mutual understanding. We can do without all the antagonism, judgement, and argumentativeness.

  • realadulttalk

    Have you not noticed how you turn readers off with these articles everyday???