Let Him Down Easy: 7 Situations And How To Dump A Guy In Each One
The most you can ask for from a breakup is that no restraining orders are filed for and that everybody walks away feeling respected. But different situations and different people call for different breakup tactics. The “I just want to be friends line” might appease one guy, and make another send you twenty nasty text messages. So here’s how to break up the right way in seven different situations.
The aggressive type
Some men have very low self-esteem, but they hate to admit it. When you call it quits with that guy, you can expect some very unwarranted texts. Everything from petty, “Whatever! You chew too loud!” kinds of messages to deeply painful “Nobody will ever love you anyways!” ones.
How to deal
Just know that all this person is doing is sending the pain you’re causing them in any direction they can, other than at themselves. This person is not confident enough to understand it’s not personal when they’re dumped, and so they cannot digest the pain in a healthy way. The best thing to do is ignore, ignore, ignore. Oh yeah, and block, block, block. Responding or retaliating will only fuel their flame.
Then you have the guys that have very low self-esteem, end of story. They are sad, self-deprecating and not shy about the fact that they don’t think highly of themselves. When you dump this guy, you’ll get messages that say things like, “It’s okay. I saw this coming. Nobody will ever love me anyways.” You may even, in extreme situations, get messages in which this person threatens to harm himself because he is so hurt by you leaving him.
How to deal
Know this: this person needs a therapist, and you are not a therapist (and even if you are, you’ve now dated this person so the therapist/patient relationship has been compromised). All they want from you is attention. As tempting as it may be to give this person encouraging words and perhaps tell them all the reasons they are in fact desirable, all this does is give them further hope. They want you to bite the bait, hoping that they can guilt you into getting back with them. But you cannot be held responsible for the happiness of a person that does not know how to be happy on his own. This person needs therapy, or at least plenty of time to be alone, self-reflect and grow his sense of self worth. Another person can never fill that void for somebody that doesn’t love himself. This is another situation in which you can say a few kind words, but then completely ignore.
The one you really do want to be friends with!
Sometimes you’ve been seeing a guy and the sexual chemistry is just not there, but you really do want to be his friend! The thought of losing him from your life entirely makes you sad. You connect on a deep level and have a lot of fun together.
How to deal
This is a situation in which you’re going to have to be selfless. Some guys won’t want to be your friend because they have more than friendly feelings for you, and being around you in a platonic capacity is painful for them. If the guy feels this way, you have to be willing to let him go. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Maybe in a few months or years when he is completely over you, he will be in a place where he can be your friend. Or, maybe you’ll get lucky and he’ll feel the same way and be ready to be buddies now! But just beware: usually people just do this as a ploy to see if they can get you to fall for them again.
The un-established boyfriend
You’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks or months, but it’s very casual and nothing has been discussed about what you are. Any deep conversations that would emotionally bond you have been avoided. Basically, you just have fun when you’re together. However, you’ve been seeing him enough to the point that you do feel something has to be said if you want to end things.
How to deal
Since things haven’t been established, often the guy’s pride will kick in in this case and he’ll use the fact that you’re having a breakup talk with him as a venue to make fun of you. He might say, “How can you be breaking up with me if I wasn’t even dating you?” or “That’s fine…I didn’t even consider us a couple.” Know that he is saying this out of pride, and that he is in fact hurting. The good and confident guy would never feel the need to say something like that. He’d have enough self-esteem to let you be the “dumper,” even if in his eyes you weren’t really a couple.
You met someone else
Sometimes you think everything is going well with a guy, but then you meet somebody else and you realize, “Oh yeah—this is what it’s supposed to feel like when you really like somebody” and you understand that your current relationship is just safe or convenient. But this new person has your undivided attention.
How to deal
Sometimes the less you say the better. Nobody ever wants to know that you feel less-than-enthused about them. Even though it isn’t personal, how can a guy not take it personal if you were to tell him that you just feel stronger for somebody else? He’ll feel like he is the lesser man, the lame one, the boring one, the “safe guy.” If you have respect for your current partner, you don’t tell him you met somebody else, and you don’t actually get with that somebody else (at least not publicly) for a while after your breakup. That time frame depends on how long your previous relationship lasted, so you be the judge. All the person you’re dumping needs to know is that the two of you are not right for each other. He doesn’t need to know that somebody else is right for you.
The one that’s leading you on
It’s tough when you’re in the position of having to leave somebody that you don’t even want to leave! The guy that only gets in touch twice a month, but when he is with you he seems so into you. The guy that seems perfect, but avoids the “what are we?” talk like the plague. It’s the guy that wants to keep you around for his own purposes, but knows he is not fulfilling your needs and is just too selfish to let you go.
How to deal
Keep in mind the exact words I just said! He knows he is not fulfilling your needs but he is too selfish to let you go! That’s actually not a very good guy at all! A good guy would let you go if he saw that you could be much happier with somebody else. And also, if he hasn’t committed by now, he never well. Men typically know what they want from a woman within the first few times they hang out with her. You were deemed, “hookup buddy,” “girlfriend material” or “future wife” by date number three. Get real! The only person that needs a good talking to before this breakup is you. The guy might fight a little when he realizes he has nobody left to keep his bed warm. But he won’t fight that hard after you break up with him. He already didn’t fight for you while you were together…
Your booty call
Maybe you’re the one that has been leading somebody on. Maybe you have a guy that you get along with, you find attractive, you have good sex with and you can have an easy, no-strings-attached good time with. But it’s clear by the way he attends to your every need and want that he’s hoping to be more than just a booty call or friends with benefits.
How to deal
Remember the previous situation? In which you were the one being led along? That didn’t feel very good now did it? Man up (sorry, woman up) and be willing to be alone until you find a guy that you get butterflies for. Don’t waste another guy’s time just so that he can distract you from the fact that Mr. Right hasn’t come along yet. Because that guy is somebody’s Mr. Right, and you’re keeping him from her.