This Friendship Is Sucking The Life Out Of Me: 10 People Who Will Emotionally Drain You If You Allow Them To

November 20, 2012  |  
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Have you ever met a person who always exudes positive energy and leaves you feeling all warm and fuzzy simply from being in their presence? Well, on the flip side, what about those who can come into your space and instantly bring down your good mood so much that after they depart you find yourself feeling stressed and emotionally drained? These types of people are know as energy vampires because they will literally suck the life out of you with their problems and bad habits if you allow them to. Think you have a few energy vampires in your own life? Check out this list, you may find that you are not alone.

The negativity magnet  

Do you have the one person in your life whose pores seem to excrete negativity 24 hours day, seven days a week? You know, the person who can find something negative to say about almost anything and anyone and can find something malicious to say about even the most positive situations? Yeah, that individual. Have you ever found yourself in a slump or feeling agitated after being in the presence of this person? You know what they say, misery loves company and negative people stay miserable. The truth is, it costs to be around people of this nature and spending too much time in their presence while feeding into their negativity can leave you feeling drained.

The confrontational friend 

Have you ever had a friend who seemed to wreak havoc and stir controversy no matter where she went. I mean she will fight with anyone from her pastor to the barista at Starbucks. I’m talking about the friend who you know not to expect a peaceful lunch date or shopping outing from because she’s just that confrontational. Dealing with this type of person is embarrassing, stressful, emotionally draining and gets downright annoying after awhile. If she’s past a certain age but always ready to throw down as if she’s a cast member on Basketball Wives, you may want to start putting some distance there.

The copycat 

Have you ever dealt with a person who has imitating you down to a T? I’m talking about the friend who is not content unless the two of you look like Doublemint twins. Did you notice that after you announced that you were engaged she tried to jump into a relationship with the next guy that smiled at her? Remember when you bought that new car and she went out and purchased the exact same model in a different color? Are you very careful about verbally expressing future plans around her because you know she’ll do everything in her power to go out and do it before you do? Dealing with this kind of person can be extremely annoying as well as frustrating. This is also usually a sign that your friend is a bit envious of you. Friends should compliment each other, not be carbon copies of one another.

The drama queen

Some people are by nature more theatrical than others, but have you ever had that one friend who seems to turn every thing into a full blown novella? But wait, not only does she turn every minuscule event into a soap opera, but she isn’t satisfied until she drags you along for the emotional ride. She cries about breaking a nail. She groans about getting a flat tire. She has a meltdown because her hairstyle didn’t come out quite like it looked in the magazine. When you have a friend who hits emotional peaks and valleys on a daily basis, they can have you feeling like you’re on an emotional roller coaster.

The phony friend 

Dealing with a fake person in your circle is probably the most draining individual of them all to deal with because you always have to ensure that you stay five steps ahead of this person in order to not get burned by them. Even then, they can still find a way to slight you. The phony friend is normally a backstabber and is not above sabotaging you, slandering your good name, making passes at your man and a host of other scandalous deeds all the while she is smiling in your face. Your best bet it to sever ties with this person as soon as you notice they don’t have your best interests at heart. It becomes draining to keep a person around whom you always have to watch out of the side of your eye for.

The selfish friend

Have you ever known a person who will drain you of every single resource that you have? Everything is all about her and the rest of the people in the world are just pawns in her grand scheme of getting whatever she feels she wants or deserve for that moment. The friend that will come over to your house and eat all of your food, always rides shotgun but never even thinks to offer gas money, always asks to use your corporate discount, uses your shoulder as a Kleenex whenever she finds herself going through it, but will never volunteer to offer a helping hand even when she can clearly see that you need one? That’s definitely a selfish “friend.”Any kind of healthy relationship is give and take. When one person is doing all the giving and the other is doing all of the taking the relationship becomes imbalanced and the giver often finds themselves, physically, emotionally and sometimes even financially drained.

The professional liar 

Do you have the friend who has a story for every day of the week? Do they always tell stories of this fabulous life that they live, but you have yet to see evidence of any of it? You know, the one who told you that she and her husband, as well as Denzel and Pauletta spend weekends together at Martha’s Vineyard, something her husband seems to know absolutely nothing about. If you have a friend who is always getting caught in lies and you can never take what she says at face value, you have to eventually ask yourself why you bother with a friendship such as this one in the first place. Friendships such as these can be a lot of work to maintain because it is difficult to trust a person who is unable to tell the truth.

The hater, aka Debbie Downer

Sometimes it can take a little while to spot a hating “friend,” but if you pay close enough attention, you’ll eventually catch her in action. Does she give you sideways compliments? Always throwing shade and raining on your parade? While you were gloating about finally becoming a college graduate, did she find it necessary to dwell on how hard it is for college grads to land jobs in their related fields? Did she discuss the divorce rate after you announced that you were getting married? If you can’t think of a time where she has ever offered a sincere and kind word after you’ve shared big or important news to you, you’ve probably got a hater on your hands. People of this nature are also draining to be around after awhile. Life is too short to voluntarily be around those who make you unhappy.

The needy friend 

Everyone falls on hard times at some point or another in their lives, but have you ever been friends with a person who seems to somehow always be going through a series of unfortunate events? I mean its always something. I’ll never be against helping a person in need, but it is so easy to become sucked in when you’re dealing with a friend who always seems to find themselves in the midst of a crisis. Yes, you can help her out where you can, but the key to dealing with this kind of situation is realizing that you can in no way fix this person’s problems when they’re not willing to fix them on their own.


The insecure friend

Being friends with an insecure person can be quite challenging as insecurity is infamously known for ruining relationships. Have you ever been friends with a person who would confront you with things you know nothing about such as “I know you and so and so were talking about me when I left the other day,” or “I saw how you looked at me when I saw you yesterday. What was that about?” Has she ever accused you of trying to “outshine” her when that clearly was not your intention? The best thing to do with people like this is to realize that there is absolutely nothing you can do to help an insecure person. Their issues are internal and change has to come from within.

Jazmine Denise is a news writer Follow her on Twitter @JazmineDenise

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  • shekiki

    most are family. somehow i got mixed up with all these types until i was very low on energy.

    last week i commented to a neighbor how their child was excited to start schooling and she had these mean things to say about the school. well i plan on ignoring, and i mean really ignoring her and treat her like an enemy. i am tired of nonsense.

    My sister called yesterday. Obviously she was having some kind of bad news.
    But i didnt pick her phone. and do not intend to for the rest of my life.
    I am not taking crap no more. Let all them go jump into the sea.

  • kai

    You left out the “one-upper” who has to top anything you say or do!
    If your child is smart, hers is “brilliant”, when you lose ten pounds she’s lost twelve. I actually have a friend like this and its fun to watch her in action when you say something, to see how her wheels turn as she tries to fabricate her responses. Its not fun to have a friend like this because they arent supportive and just ruin your happiness. I’m slowly weaning her off me.

  • scandalous7

    damn I have a touch of about 4 of these..insecure, needy, negative nancy, and a little selfish too….hey, im a work in progress.

  • tata111

    I have it bad, every last one of these people are family members, and I feel kinda bad, but I think I am the selfish one..smh

  • shelshel

    Thank you for this article, lately I been cutting off people because of these traits. And need a reassurance that it was not being mean to cut them off. once again thanks 🙂

  • maggie

    The selfish’s description can sound just like a moocher. I have a moocher friend who always has their ‘hand out.’ And the annoying thing about it, she thinks that she is slick. I am a little older than her and she doesn’t realize her game is paper thin to a lot of people including me.

  • Cha Cha

    For the most part, all of my friends are great. No jealousy, no man stealing or backstabbing. Everyone is there for everyone else. I do have one friend who is very insecure and always thinks someone is talking about her or doesn’t like her or something… other than that, I love my friends! They are awesome!

  • ANTMilf

    In all my almost 31 years of life, I’ve had the needy, the lying, the Debbie Downer, the fake, the insecure and the copy cat friends, I cut the lying, fake and Debbie Downer out of my life for good and kept the copy cat and the needy because they grew up.

  • ksw

    Can MN create a list of the “Absolute Best Types of Friends” to have? I have some great friends and I consider myself a great friend. Shot out the Black Women who hold each other down! For starters what about the friend who has “All The Connections” or the friend who is “Always down to go out”. Come MN put some positivity out!!!

    • Allie


  • Na Na

    Or what about the draining ex. Every relationship doesn’t end with an I hate you, but that merky area with a dude you care for but not in love with that’s still in love with you. Super draining! Let that goooooo!