Don’t Go There: Mood-Killing Topics You Really Shouldn’t Bring Up On A First Date
I’d like to say that if you’re a stable, confident person that all topics should be fair game, and that no matter what you talk about, it will be clear to your date that you are in fact stable and confident…but that is not the case. Some topics, unless discussed after you’ve known someone for a bit (and more importantly, they’ve known you) usually cause misunderstandings, or just kill the mood.
Trash talking the ex
Do you have a crazy ex? Sure you do. You’re a romantically active human. But even if that ex is certifiably insane and currently institutionalized, you are not to bring him up! Do not bring up an ex that you cannot speak kindly or at least neutrally about. Bringing up an ex you still have negative feelings towards only makes you look like you have poor taste in partners, or that you still have romantic feelings for that ex.
Trash talking your family
Every family has its dirty laundry, but bringing that laundry to the table on your first date makes you look as though you do not respect your family’s privacy. Even if, should your date get to know your family, he would see that they are all very open about their issues, he does not know that now, on this very first date. And, 9 out of 10 times, it just is disrespectful to trash talk your family so soon.
Do not exchange crazy sex stories, or even hint at what you like or don’t like in bed. As soon as sex is even mentioned, all either of you is thinking about is sleeping with the other person, what they look like naked, what they are like in bed etc. The focus is completely thrown off. Also, it forces you both to visualize the other person sleeping with other people (based on their stories), which inserts a sense of competition that didn’t need to be there.
Do your finances weigh in at all on how this date can go? On whether or not you can afford a cab, or a second drink, or dessert? No? Well then don’t bring them up. Unless you need to bring up finances because they directly affect the date you are currently on, then bringing them up will only make the other person conscious of everything purchased or any plan made, instead of just enjoying the date.
Unless you are both radicals in your own respective views, politics will rarely affect your relationship, should you enter into a relationship. Typically, when two people get to know and like each other, when politics come up later and they have differing views, they don’t let that phase them if they’ve already fallen for each other. But, unfortunately, should those two people have brought up politics on date number one, with no other information or feelings to go off of, they probably would have never dated in the first place. What a shame!
All your married friends
I don’t care if it just so happens that all of your friends are married. You better make up a friend or pretend you’re better friends with that single chick in the cubicle next to you at work so that you can avoid telling stories about your married friends all night. That will just scream to your date, “Desperate!” if he knows that you’re constantly surrounded by the reality that you’re single and nobody else is.
Pictures of or cute stories about your dog actually tell your date nothing about you. But the topic of dogs is a death trap because it’s something two dog lovers can get caught up in talking about for an hour, and it’s something that reveals nothing about either person. One cute picture. One cute story. Moving on.
Are you gluten intolerant? Then order the gluten free item on the menu and be private about it. Unless your partner asks why you didn’t get the famous pasta dish, your food allergies count as info you can save for later. Men are very wary of “difficult” women or hypochondriacs. Now you may not be either of those things, but since men are terrified of them, the slightest hint you might be one makes you one in your date’s eyes.
There’s nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. Plenty of perfectly functioning people see one. But there is a stigma attached to seeing a therapist. I’m not saying it’s an acceptable stigma, but it’s there and it would do you good to be aware of it. Once a man gets to know you and sees you are totally stable, he won’t judge you for seeing a therapist. In fact, he might see it as very emotionally advanced of you. But mention it before a guy has any other information on you, and he will be looking for signs that you are crazy for the rest of the night. More importantly, he will see those signs, whether they are there or not.
This is similar to bringing up your therapist. You know that you’ve completely overcome the traumatic experiences in your life and are a well-adjusted person. But tell your date—who doesn’t know you at all—a horror story of something that happened to you as a child, and he’ll automatically assume you’re still very much affected.
If you’re involved in a lawsuit there is no need to bring it up on a first date. There are too many ways for those situations to be misread. In fact, much of that information is public so if you give your date just a few pieces of information, he’ll be on Google in no time. And then he might really get the wrong idea about you.
Any fight you’re currently in
With your mom, sister, friend, co-worker etc. Your date has never met these people. There is nothing interesting to him about you describing a fight with someone he has never met! Also, you shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where your date is having to console you, and it’s only the first time he’s ever hung out with you. You should both be enjoying yourselves. Things should stay light.
Anything that gets you revved up
If you didn’t get a raise you wanted, or if your neighbor plays his music too loud, or if you’re still waiting to be paid by somebody, your date doesn’t need to hear about it. Anything that will make you clearly irritable and worked up is not something to bring up on a first date. Again, your date knows little about you. You have a lot of sides to you but the first ones he should be seeing are the good ones. He’s not going to go on a second date with a woman that was fuming about an issue on the first date, just hoping she’s not always like that…
Everybody is trying to make a good impression on a first date. You’re both nervous about every move you make and just hoping the other person is reading you correctly. If you tell a story about a bad date you went on with someone else, your current date might become ultra sensitive.