The Dating Game: Why Women Need To Play Hard To Get

November 26, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin
"Black man and woman flirting PF"


We tend to think of “playing hard to get” as a bad thing. The word “playing” is in the term so automatically we think of playing games and being dishonest. The term has gotten such a bad rap that many of us vigorously practice the art of doing the opposite—of being as open and forthcoming as possible, of over-sharing and baring it all on the first date. But this can have its repercussions too.

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  • VeryHonest

    just too many drama queens out there nowadays, grow up already.

  • AbsolutelyTrue

    many women that play hard to get haven’t grown up yet.

  • Franko

    there are so many women that still need to grow up.

  • Jim

    “Men are too lazy nowadays…” WOW!! Good luck with that!! 🙂

  • Jim

    Maybe some men are emotionally available, will commit and all that. And just maybe some men see the pursuit of a commitment in women as having an agenda… which is more important to the woman than the man. Ever heard a woman say, “I dated a doctor, lawyer etc…” Maybe we look for a woman to love… “The me.” It seems in my readings, as it appears to me, I could spend my life empathizing with women’s plights and all the while I’ve got to ask myself, “Do they even see me?” Because, as it appears to me, a very large percentage of women are so wrapped up in themselves and their agenda’s that they can’t stop for a moment to see what men go through or who they are in themselves. My advice ladies? It’s not all about you. When was the last time you “liked” a man.

    • awesome comment! one day i grew up and had to admit, my most frustrating relationships were with men i didn’t really ‘like’. it’s not always the case, as sometimes a guy is too busy playing the attraction game and skirting around the friendship because he only sees you as a woman and not a friend. in my mind those guys missed out if i really did like them and they were not paying attention to that side of it. it is so important to value the person you are with. respect equally and reciprocally. even as a woman, i find it exhausting trying to make friends with many women, especially very pretty gals who have come to expect a lot of attention for very little effort. i can be charming when i choose to be but am just not a chaser or a groupie. i’m not here as a prop up for someone’s ego, or a light to shine in their direction all the time and get nothing back. the only people i make friends with are those who can both talk and listen, initiate and be receptive, and who can be truly present with another person – and this counts for both guys and gals.

      • earnest

        Ms, Joy – Interesting comment how you say that you can be charming when you “choose to be”, depending upon the situation. Does that mean that you hold back your “charm” until somebody has done enough to earn it?

  • York

    There’s only so many times I can scroll from the text to the title to remind myself what the article is about before giving up and confessing I’m very confused. O_o

    • Just Me!

      I literally did that 3 times, like did I accidentally click on another link? O_o Lol

  • check out my ebook on Kindle. Straight No Chaser by Janice Jade. i talk about subjects such as this and much more!

    • Alexis

      Sounds good. I’ll check it out.

  • sheena

    Oh julia….you bomb at 15 again. When will the editors stop you!

  • Me

    Aint nobody got time for dat…playing hard to get OR scrolling through 15 pages

  • Allie

    Hmmm…as sort of an answer to the commenters below and an observation ( I only got through a pages), I think what the author was trying to do was pose a thought/question to men as to why we as women play hard to get, to which there are corresponding reasons to this seemingly “big” question

    • Allie

      *a few pages*

  • ReShay

    This is confusing. Is this article geared towards men tell them to play hard to get? Or is this supposed to be how women should play hard to get?

    • Thank you. I thought I was the only lost one.