Dear Single Sistahs,
I am writing this letter to all of you who are singly mothers by choice, by force, by divorce, or by other circumstances. I am writing this letter to all of my Single Parent Sistahs to encourage you to be the best mother and parent you can be to your child or children. I’m writing this letter to encourage you to be your child’s parent, particularly be your child’s mother because as the first woman in your child’s life, you set the tone for how he, she or they will view, treat and react towards women. You set the tone for how your child will view women because you are the first example of a woman he/she will see and know.
For my Single Parent Sistahs who are mothers of daughters, you set the tone for the way your daughter will dress, the way she will speak, the way she will carry herself, the way she will maintain a household, and especially the way she will conduct herself in relationships with men. Not only do you set the tone for the way she will speak, dress, conduct herself, and maintain a household but you set the tone in the way your daughter will view herself as a woman as the first woman in her life. For my Single Parent Sistahs who are mothers of sons, you set the tone for the type of woman your son will bring home to you, the way your son will view women, the way your son will treat a woman, and the way he will conduct himself while in the presence of a woman. Not only do you set the tone for the way your son will view, treat and conduct himself in the midst of a woman, but you set the example of what a woman should be or should not be.
My Single Parent Sistahs, it is so important that we are positive role models for our children. I know many of you may be saying that you didn’t have that example of how to be a positive mother because your mother was not a positive example, but the truth of the matter is, whether or not your mother was the example you thought she should have been she was still an example.
My Single Parent Sistahs, I also encourage you to be a single mother who is not desperately searching for a father to help you raise your child. While I do agree that a man’s presence in the household is extremely valuable to a child’s well being, I don’t agree with the way many unmarried mother forget about the fact that they have a child to raise and have the tendency to focus more on having a man around rather than focusing on raising their child. Focus on being a good mother to your child, then a man of quality will take notice of your sincere actions with your child and admire you for being a good mother and the rest will follow.
Lastly my Single Parent Sistahs, I encourage you to see the beauty that is your child. Learn how to spend quality time with your child and enjoy it. Talk to your child daily (no matter how young or old they are) and not just when they’ve done something good or bad…just talk to them to see how their day went. Set some time aside daily to bond with your child, and see the blessing that they are, and if you don’t think your child/children are blessings from God just ask a woman who wants to have children but can’t. I know at times this journey can get very tiresome, trying and discouraging, but I urge you to hang in there. Not only do I urge you to hang in there for your child, but I also urge you to find balance in being a parent and also being you. This is something I often struggled with as a single mother. I would feel guilty for going out (not all night) while my child would be home with a sitter, but I soon learned that it was okay for me to go out and enjoy myself with friends. Finding that balance and taking time for myself made me love and appreciate being a mother more than ever. Why? Because when I was out, I knew I had a beautiful child to return home to, whether I had a good time or not. I also learned that I need time for myself to be a better me and to be the best mother I can be to my son. So as I close this letter to all of my Single Parent Sistahs, I wish you and your child/children the best on your journey in life. Remember, kids are a gift from God, and we should cherish every moment we have with them… no matter what.
Sincerely, Your Single Sistah,
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.