For The Fellas: How To Handle Your Woman When You See Her Bad Side
We can’t be sweet and charming on a romantic date all of the time. It would be nice though, right? But we are all much more than just a boyfriend or a girlfriend. A woman is also somebody’s inferior, superior, daughter, best friend, and sometimes enemy. There are attitudes and character dynamics that, while we wish we could shield our men from, will inevitably come through. There are ways a woman wishes you never had to see her be. And when you witness them, you need to know how to assure her by saying “It’s okay. This doesn’t change the way I see you.”
Fighting with her parents
It doesn’t matter how successful, mature or confident a person is. When around our parents, we all become kids again, fighting about all the same things we’ve been fighting about since childhood. Even though your parents are comforting, there is also something about them that can make you feel inferior again.
Let her know it happens to everyone
As hard as she may try, your girlfriend might get roped into one of those broken record arguments with her mom or dad when she takes you home to them, and she might default to the, “Whatevers!” and “I hate you!” and even running into her old bedroom and locking the door. She’ll be embarrassed afterward, of course. Tell her you become the same way around your parents. Maybe even share a story of a time you locked yourself in your childhood room, as a grownup…
Women are constantly assaulted by images of crazy, needy girlfriends in movies, and articles telling them how not to come off as needy. We are hyper sensitive to ever coming off as too needy to our men. But sometimes, when we get close to our guys, we let our guards down and we let you know; “I need you,” “I could really use your comfort tonight,” “I need someone to make me feel good tonight, I have really low self esteem after today.”
Never leave her hanging
If you’re so lucky to have a woman you love let herself be vulnerable around you, never ever leave her hanging. Don’t ask her to hold as you take a phone call, don’t stare blankly at her, don’t leave. If you absolutely cannot be there to comfort her at that moment, text her from wherever you are letting her know you wish you could be there to comfort her. A woman’s biggest fear is opening up to a man and being left hanging.
You don’t want a woman’s entire happiness to depend on you, right? You don’t want to be her only friend, do you? That’s way too much pressure! You want her to have hobbies, passions and a social life all of her own. Guess what? Women know that, and we make a point to let men know that we have a life of our own.
So when her social life is slow…
Don’t point out that she’s staying at home for the second weekend in a row. Don’t point out how bizarre it is that a certain friend has cancelled on her for drinks yet again. A woman never wants to seem like a loner in your eyes because she knows that sends you into panic mode of, “Uh oh…that means her happiness all falls on me!” If she’s staying home for the second weekend in a row say something like, “It’s good you’re getting some relaxing in.” But do not ever—ever—say something like, “You should call up some of your friends.” That will put her on the defensive.
Climbing the ladder
Everybody has to be the intern, the assistant or the apprentice at some point. Nobody just starts at the top. Even the most confident person can shake in fear while in the presence of their boss, or become meek and submissive when taking coffee orders from their superiors.
Read the room
Odds are, your girlfriend doesn’t want you to see her in the position as inferior to somebody. She probably doesn’t love having you see her run petty errands for her boss. She has bigger dreams and visions for herself! And she wants you to see those, as well. If your girlfriend wants to vent about her struggles climbing the latter, feel free to give her tips on how to keep climbing, or tell her that yes, her boss is mean! But, if you can tell that she just wants to turn work off when she gets home, and forget about her lowly position at the office, pretend that you never saw her boss get mad that she forgot the whipped cream on his latte.
Women tend to emote before we think: it’s just the way we are hard wired. As we grow up, we learn to control this and work through our emotions so we can let our head take the lead in our decisions before we freak out or start crying.
But sometimes, we all lose control
We know when we are being irrational. Give us some credit. But we don’t like to admit it. That’s why women so often blow fights out of proportion, and when you argue to say, “You’re being irrational” women will dig for reasons that we are not being irrational and you are in the wrong and we should be upset. We never want you to be the first to point out we’re being irrational! Suck it up and say early, “You’re right. I’m sorry.” It’s not giving up: it’s working toward peace. Trust me: we realize soon after that we were being irrational. And if you’re patient we’ll usually come to you and apologize for our blow up.
Overcome by her insecurities
We are nothing if not an accumulation of our experiences—traumatic or positive. We all have neurosis and insecurities that are particular to us, due to issueswith our parents, or past relationships, or events during our childhood. One person has a button that when pressed, sends them into panic mode.
Let her come to the realization
After you’re with a woman for a while, you learn what her buttons are. You know that the reason she freaks out each time you get a text is because she found unfaithful texts in her ex’s phone. You know that she breaks down when you don’t answer one of her questions because her father was emotionally absent. You know when it’s not you doing something wrong, but rather her insecurities, past and neurosis taking over her. Do not point it out. We are already unstable in these moments. Stop the behavior. Appease us. Apologize. Calm us down. If your girlfriend is fair and intelligent, she’ll analyze the situation later and realize what was really at play behind her emotions. But she can’t have you realize it first.
Making the tough decisions
We all have to make tough decisions at some point: fire somebody who really needed their job, give up on helping a friend or family member that just wouldn’t help themselves and in general look out for ourselves over somebody else. It doesn’t make us bad people. It makes us survivors, and it’s what draws the line between a kind person and a pushover.
But tough decisions are personal
Your girlfriend doesn’t want you to see her tell her drug addict uncle that he can’t stay with her anymore. She doesn’t want you to see her fire the incompetent secretary that has two kids to support. Never judge her when she does these things. Every person has their reasons for deciding the way they do, when it comes to tough decisions. You don’t know how you would have reacted in the same situation. So do not make your girlfriend feel judged.