An Open Letter to Do As I Say, Not As I Do People: What’s Wrong With Y’all?

6 Comments
November 29, 2012 ‐ By Kendra Koger
"Black woman upset on phone - PF"

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I once wrote of a time in my childhood that when after I became saved I went around and condemned everyone, their mothers, and their children.  My rationale was I was helping them.  But, when I got to college and promptly started wilding out, I would immediately get defensive and angry when people would confront me.   “Hey!  Don’t judge me!  You don’t have a Heaven or Hell to put anyone in!  You’re not perfect either!”  Being able to experience that moment of, “is this how I was making people feel when I was yelling at them for their mistakes?!” made me cool down on judging anyone.  I’m not perfect, and I know that I can’t demand perfection from others when I want people to give me a break when I mess up.  But, I believe there’s something that we need to address.  Now, remember, if you do this, I’m not judging you, but, let’s have a transparency moment.

I don’t want to sound judgmental, but… what’s wrong with some of y’all?  I’m talking about the people who will downgrade others for every mistake they make while they make the exact same ones.  I guess it’s like the Ratchet Girl Anthem.  A song where the girls are judging women for what they’re wearing, saying, and doing, not realizing that they’re pinpointing themselves.  I just… I just don’t understand the rationale for this type of behavior.

Like, is it self-esteem issues?  You hate the person you’re judging because you have a subconscious anger toward yourself for struggling with the same issues they do?  If so, instead of judging the other person and telling them how they’re failing in life, try to improve your own and be a support system while your friend/family member/partner is trying to improve themselves.  One of the best ways to help someone is to be a source of inspiration with your own actions.

Is it a sense of pride?  Are your glasses so rose colored that you feel as though your entire being is consumed by perfection and everyone else is flawed?  If so, I can understand that.  I sometimes find myself in denial about how short I am.  It’s not until someone takes a picture of me with my tall/average height friends that make me realize:  “Oh wow… I’m really short.”  So maybe having a moment to step outside of yourself when you’re judging others and begin to think of times when you did the exact same thing in the past (or for some, the present, and possibly the future) to think about how you would feel if someone went in on you the same way?

Now, I’m not saying that you have to turn a blind eye to every discretion someone does by thinking:  “I wouldn’t want anyone to judge me.”  Sometimes people need help, and people need to hear the truth.  But, if you’re yelling at someone for stealing, and you’re wearing the jacket that your best friend didn’t realize you conveniently “borrowed” from her closet and have no intention of giving it back to her, then yeah there’s a problem.

We will never be perfect people because we are incredibly flawed beings.  So, what I’m trying to get at is, on your way to becoming the best person you can be, instead of openly dissing someone for something that you also do remember that you have no Heaven or Hell to put someone in either.  Rather than judging, help others, while also helping yourself.

Kendra Koger still has problems coming to terms with her height.  Remind her she’s short on twitter:  @kkoger

 

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  • Meyaka

    I’m not that way,I usually point fingers at things I would never do myself.

  • Don’t Judge…Are We Sure?

    This is one of those things I’m on the fence about. I want to be less critical of others, but with all the foolishness that goes on in my “YOLO generation”, it’s not easy. I’m one of those people who has proudly stated, “I will judge the everloving crap out of you. Why? Because I expect to be judged as well, and I’m not running from it.” I understand the scripture that says not to, but I also understand we live in a world where your actions speak louder than anything that comes out of your mouth.

    My judgments are solely based on the content of someone’s character (you know who dreamed of that) and I use them to make good decisions. I don’t look at someone covered in tattoos and automatically think the worst of them. I do see that they choose to live a certain lifestyle that’s different from mine if they have “Brr” inked on their face. At the same time, if I know someone who is sweeter than apple pie but has been known to steal, I’d be a fool to not judge that part of their character and let them sit in my house while I’m not there.

  • NicPal

    In the words of Jesus “Judge not that ye be not judged” Matthew 7:1 KJV

    • bluekissess

      I was waiting on somebody to bring the Bible in the picture. I hope you live by the Bible on a regular bases and not recite only pieces of it.

      • NicPal

        No I’m not perfect but yes I am thank you and have a great day:)

  • Alohilani

    I can’t say I have ever had this problem.