Do You Really Need To Beware? 7 Dating Red Flags That Don’t Have To Be Red Flags

November 19, 2012  |  
"Bad date PF"

Once something is deemed a “red flag,” it becomes part of the Bible of love; women believe it must be considered at all times.While red flags are good to be aware of, not every person and situation is the same. There are exceptions to the rules and if you’re not open to that possibility, you might shut out a lot of good guys. These red flags don’t always have to be red flags.

"man and woman sad pf"

A recent breakup

You’re told to be wary of the guy that’s only a couple months single because he may not be emotionally available yet and you might just be a rebound, or left cleaning up the last woman’s mess.

"black man woman date pf"

Sometimes time doesn’t matter

Go with your gut: does the guy’s head seem to be clear and does he seem to be totally mentally present with you? Does he seem happy? Stable? Is he able to speak about his ex without anger or sadness? Some people heal faster from breakups, and sometimes a man was just never that in love with someone, so letting go was easy. All you need to know is if it feels he is ready to commit again.

"sad woman thinking pf"

He cuts the date short

You suggest going somewhere else for a drink or dessert after dinner, or taking a walk, and after what seemed like a great date, he turns your after-date date down. You’re told to beware because maybe he has a wife/girlfriend/booty call to get to. Or maybe he’s just not that into you.

"Black man and woman flirting PF"

Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the moment

Guys know the art of quitting while ahead too—of leaving you wanting more. If the date really felt like it went well, it’s possible the guy just wants to leave things at that for now. Also, many guys know if they stay too long with a woman they’re into, they might try to sleep with her. If a guy really likes you, he may be trying to control himself!

"Unhappy couple on a couch pf"

He invites you up

He was the perfect gentleman on the date, you just had a sweet kiss goodnight in the car, and then he…invites you up??? Suddenly you’re questioning his intentions. Was all this good behavior just so he could try and get you into bed?

"black couple on a date pf"

He got caught up in the moment

Sometimes the chemistry is just so strong, it’s sad to end the date. If the guy wasn’t handsy or inappropriate on the date, or making sexual inuendos left and right, it’s possible he just wanted to talk to you until the wee hours of the morning. If he politely accepts your rejection of his invite, his intentions were probably pure.

"Couple at dinner pf"

He doesn’t tell you much about himself

He is the dream man, asking you questions about yourself, taking an interest in your passions, laughing at your jokes, wanting to get to know you. But just one problem; he’s barely said a word about himself. He seems sweet, smart and funny based on his reactions to what you tell him, but you actually know nothing about the guy. You’re told to beware because maybe what you could learn about him would be upsetting.

"Couple talking pf"

Men can be private

Men are much more private than women are. They usually take longer to trust people and to let people in. He could be asking you so much about yourself to gauge if you’re someone he wants to share himself with. This is something that some guys have to do before they open up. Don’t run just yet unless it seems like there is a body in his trunk, or a wedding ring hiding in his pocket.

"Man texting on a date pf"

 

He takes a call

You’re told that a man who is serious about finding love turns his phone off or at least ignores his phone during a date. You’re told a guy that can’t leave his phone for a mere two hours must be a workaholic or even worse, not that into you.

"Black man cell phone pf"

Some men are on call

The nature of some jobs require a man to be available 24/7, projects cannot move on without their green light or last minute decisions fall on their shoulders constantly. So long as a man explains this to you, and expresses his regret that he has to take a call during the date (and doesn’t sneak off into a dark corner to have that “business call”) give him a break.

"Wine glasses pf"

He gets a little drunk

You’re warned that if a guy drinks too much on a first date that he either lacks confidence, or has a drinking problem because he couldn’t lay off the alcohol for just a few hours.

"black man woman date pf"

Anybody can get nervous or over-order

Everybody has made the mistake of ordering just one drink too many, or having their intoxication sneak up on them. Getting a little drunk may have been a complete accident. If he was drinking to gain confidence, well, can you honestly say you’ve never done that? So long as he remained appropriate, kept his hands to himself, didn’t cause a scene and get kicked out of the bar or try to drive home drunk, give the guy a second chance. And consider yourself lucky: usually a person’s true colors come out while intoxicated.

"Man giving a woman flowers pf"

He’s too sweet

He brought you flowers, he arranged for the most romantic table in the restaurant, he texted you twice before the date to confirm and tell you he’s excited to see you. He is playing no games, and you are a little freaked out thinking he’s desperate or clingy.

"Couple flirting pf"

Some men just know what they want

Not every man that actually treats you right is desperate or clingy. Go with your gut again on this one: does the guy seem unstable, unhappy and incapable of finding a woman? If not, then he might just be a great guy that really likes you.

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  • Go with your gut. If you THINK something is a red flag then it is for you. Go with that. Too often we reason our way out of going with our gut feeling and end up getting burned. “If only I had went with my first mind.” Yeah . . . .you’re just dating anyways so if something turns you off about him chuck up those deuces.

  • Candacey Doris

    I got to page 4. Why is this 15 pages long? Why should i have to click just to read your opinions? It’s not happening. Please, change your format.

  • pleasedobetter

    This site has really gone down in content quality. The lists used to be helpful but it’s ironic that this is a speculative list about male behavior teaching you how not to speculate about a man’s behavior. And why must it be a list? Just make it an article please. we don’t need the google images and stock photos.

  • Allie

    How many variations of this article have we seen before?

  • IllyPhilly

    Yo everyday yall flip/flop MN. Do you want me to be in love or not? LOL. I feel sorry for the people who live by stuff like this.

    • SheBe

      Don’t feel sorry for them boo!

  • Veratta Pegram-Floyd

    I’m noticing that I have spent less time reading these kinds of articles, and less time on Madame Noire in general. It is not helpful to read articles that speculate about male behavior but come from a female perspective. If you find yourself in any of these situations, the common sense thing to do would be to exercise your best judgement. Ask questions, don’t assume men have ulterior motives.

    • SheBe

      I agree. However, if a man had written this article he would’ve gotten flamed for one reason or another. They can’t win for losing. Women want to know why men are the way they are and when a man answers he is “wrong” in some way for speaking his truth/opinion.

  • Denise

    “Men are much more private than women are. They usually take longer to trust people and to let people in” These generalizations are going to turn people away from MN.

  • SheBe

    When I stopped over analyzing men and stopped dealing with all the “rules” of dating/relationships it became so much easier. Common sense is key.

    • IllyPhilly

      YES, Jeez! That sounds too much like right though.

      • SheBe

        Lol!

  • bigdawgman

    The last one, really? A guy being nice is a red flag? Maybe you’re thinking too hard. Stop trying to read into everything and enjoy the date! If you don’t think you’re worthy of special treatment, why would he bother giving it to you?

    • Janelle

      A guy that 2 nice is definitely a red flag! U should be very careful with guy who seem really anxious to see u!

  • Whats Normal

    Yeah….I’m not clicking through 15 pages. I’m pretty sure that this stuff can be condensed.

    • IllyPhilly

      Word Up! Yup bringing that back.