Don’t Be a Sucka! 9 Ways Women Use Men

November 13, 2012  |  

Shutterstock

While some men don’t want to settle down and claim a girlfriend, most men don’t need any “girl…friends” either. After all, what man wants to just “hang out” with a beautiful woman? That’s what his boys are for. It’s totally possible for men and women to be platonic friends, but that’s not normally how it starts.

The man is attracted to a woman, he asks her out, and they spend time together. But then somewhere along the line, said man falls into the dreaded “friend zone” – and he has no idea how he got there. He’s not sure if she’s playing hard to get, or if he’s been hoodwinked – and while he’s trying to figure it all out, the woman knows exactly what she’s doing. If you’re not sure if you’re being played for a fool, here are some signs that she just might be using you. (And indications you’re a low-key user.)

Shutterstock

1. You Are Her Personal Chauffeur

You have a car…she doesn’t. This is not a big deal, and being the gentleman you are, you have no problem picking her up for dates. But after a while, you’re not just picking her up to go to the movies. You’re driving her to work, to her doctor’s appointment and even to her friends’ house. As a matter of fact, she asks you to drive her AND her friends around – to the club, the mall, wherever. But she’s attractive, so you do it, even if it’s totally out of your way. The way you see it, she’ll think you’re such a nice guy that she might even invite you INSIDE of her home one day.

But she doesn’t, and you barely get a kiss on the cheek for all of the gas you’ve burnt up.  If she’s given you ZERO indication that she’s even remotely physically attracted to you, then she’s using you for a ride. Unless you’ve at least gotten to second base, keep your car parked and let her figure out how to get around herself.

Shutterstock

2. You’re Her Flunky

It’s not enough that you drive her around, but sometimes she sends you out WITHOUT HER to run her errands. She asks you, in that ever so sweet voice of hers, to pick up her dry cleaning “since it’s on your way home.” She has to work late, so she wants to know if you’d be a dear and walk her precious dog for her. And you do it, because you figure that’s what a good boyfriend would do, right? Right.

Problem is, you’re not her boyfriend, you’re her errand boy; and any hopes you had of becoming her boyfriend went out the window along with your dignity. She’s not going to date you because she doesn’t respect you. Some women don’t like a guy who does whatever she says or who she can walk all over. What you see as kindness, she may view as weakness. It’s sad but true. There’s nothing wrong with being a good friend, if that’s all you want to be. But if you want more, and she’s not giving it to you, despite all of your good intentions, then bounce…and let her hire an assistant.

Shutterstock

3. You Play With or Babysit Her Kids

Some women can spot a potentially great father (figure) from a mile away, especially after they’ve had children with a deadbeat. If you are a good father, or love children, she may decide to date you even if she’s not all that attracted to you. Some single mothers have a hard time dating, mainly because they can’t find someone who wants to deal with her AND her bad a** kids. She also may want to make sure her potential mate will be a good fit for her family. If you find that she’s always inviting you to do “family things” or asks you to watch her child(ren) for her, but never wants you to do any “grown up” things with her alone (read: sex), then chances are she’s getting that from someone else, while you get to play dad. Word of advice? Don’t get close to her children unless you’re sure you can get close to her first.

Shutterstock

4. You Are Her “Go-To” Date

In the beginning, it’s expected that all of your dates should take place outside of each of your homes. After all, you don’t want to be too presumptuous. But after a few months, you should at least expect her to invite you over to her place for dinner, Netflix…something. You figure maybe she has roommates, so you invite her over to your place – but she always seems to need to wash and twist her hair. If you find that she only wants to go OUT – to the movies, a concert or to her favorite restaurant, chances are she just wants to get out of the house and you are her “go-to” date. Every time she calls, you’re always available…probably because you sit around waiting for your phone to ring. She knows this, and she also knows that you will do anything to be in her presence. If she’s always busy when you invite her to your crib or you’ve never seen the inside of her place, then she probably doesn’t want to be anywhere where something could jump off…and she’d have to turn you down. Just once or twice, be busy when she calls or tell her “no” to an outside date and see how she reacts. If she’s bent out of shape or stops calling, then you’ll know she’s probably not that into you.

Shutterstock

5. You Pay For ALL Dates

Not only are you her “go-to” date – you also PAY for ALL of the dates. She might buy you a candy bar or a soda at the movies…but usually you are the one coming out-of-pocket, whether that means spending $200 on dinner or a grip on Beyonce concert tickets. Some women expect men to pay for all dates, and some men even agree with that. But you shouldn’t be going broke while you’re trying to figure if she actually even likes you. If you’ve got the means to stick it out until she magically falls in love with you, then rock on. But if you have to take out a small loan just to keep courting this woman, while she NEVER ever offers to pay for coffee, then stop…now. See how long she wants to “date” you when you tell her that you forgot your wallet.

Shutterstock

6. You Pay Her Bills

It’s one thing to pay for dates, but it’s another thing to pay her rent. There’s nothing wrong with helping out a friend in need, or LOANING someone some money until they get on their feet. But unless you are her MAN, and you KNOW this, then there is no way you should be paying for anything that’s in her name. I would have qualified this with sex, but some women will give up the goodies to have HBO, so we won’t go there. But if you aren’t even sleeping with her, then there’s no way you should be paying for her to have cable. Men and women use each other all the time for different things, but you’re a straight up sucka if she hands you a utility bill and you actually pay it…regularly. And don’t try taking her to court when she drops you for some other fool and you’re out hundreds or thousands of dollars. She’ll claim it was a “gift” and you’ll never get your money back. Listen to what I’m telling you and save yourself from having to learn an expensive lesson on your own.

Shutterstock

7. You’re Mr. Fix It

You’ve let it be known that you’re pretty handy when it comes to fixing things, so she invites you over one Saturday afternoon to “help” her paint her house. You think it’ll earn you some cool points – and you’ll get to be INSIDE her place and you can seduce her while you wait for the paint to dry. WRONG! All she’s going to do is find a way to be busy “doing something else” while you paint, and when you’re done, she’ll suddenly need a ride to Home Depot to pick up some things for the next project you’ll be working on. So you drive her there (See #1) and pay for all the materials (See #5) and then go back to her place to install her new cabinets, hang some shelves and fix her leaky faucet. She doesn’t even offer to feed you (See #4).  She rushes you out of her house when the work is done because she’s “tired” (has a date with someone else) so you leave, hoping for another chance to get closer to her bedroom. You, my friend, have been had. Next time, tell her to hire a contractor and keep it moving.

Shutterstock

8. You’re Her Confidante

So by now, you realize that you’re in the” friend zone”, but you don’t care. You think you still have a chance to woo her, so you continue to be her shoulder to cry on hoping that one day she’ll come to her senses and realize what a wonderful, caring, compassionate man you are. So you endure endless hours of her late night calls crying to you about the jerk who broke her heart (again). You encourage her complaints about all the no-good men out there and remind her that if she were your woman, you’d never hurt her and treat her like the queen that she is. Little do you know, she’s a glutton for punishment, only likes “bad boys” and thinks nice guys like you are weak and pathetic. Dude, run…or else she’ll just continue to use you up and walk all over you. You’re wasting your time if you think she’ll change her mind about you – and if she finally ever does, it’ll be too late…because you will have found a woman who appreciates you.

Shutterstock

9. You’re Her Sex Toy

Now, this might not be a problem for most men out there, but if you are genuinely interested in having a real relationship, getting married and having kids one day, then you might want to find a woman who wants you for more than sex. Believe it or not, there are women out there, like men, who have jump-offs who they will never be seen out in public with. The sex is earth shattering, but she doesn’t want a relationship, OR, she doesn’t want a relationship with YOU. Maybe you’re too short, don’t have a job, have multiple children with multiple women, have some teeth missing…who knows. Either way, she doesn’t want her girlfriends to know about you, so you become her dirty little secret and she calls you after midnight to come by and crack her back. Now, again…some, if not most, men would be fine with this arrangement. But if you’ve somehow caught feelings for her, then it’s best you leave now before your heart gets broken into a million little pieces once she finds a guy she can actually be seen in daylight with.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • Michael Lewis

    Oh god.. numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 & 9

    The thing is I called her out on this and she was like this is why I stopped doing all the eating out because I did not want you to think I was trying to take advantage of you, also she noticed I have been becoming more distance with her, she went on to also say I really do appreciate all the things that I do for her, I swear her eyes started to get a little glassy but I can’t tell if it’s just a show or she really meant all of it. she says she wants to be friends first

  • AfroGoddess

    I’m guessin the writer is either an independent (single) woman, or marries to a pu$$y

    • AfroGoddess

      *married

      • IMJSANYUmad

        y cuz she aint tryna milk brothas like your ratchet self

    • The FunkyFunky Child

      So if I dont do everything for the woman Im a punk? But If I acquiesce to everything Im a punk too? I give up.

  • Kath

    There’s this one guy, no make that about three guys/friends who are pining after me, but just does not get that we will never get to that zone. So while I do ask for favors, its always on the basis that we are friends – they could have easily ask those favors of me as well. But I know that secretly they’re all hoping to get somewhere, and that’s just sneaky and borderline disgusting in my opinion. They’ll probably get it when I call to say, you know am getting married (to my type i.e.) and you’re invited.

    • BEING HONEST

      Kath. Just tell the guys they will never get you. There is no chance in hell of ever being with you. Watch how all three guys will leave you alone. But if you play dumb to their efforts, Your just as guilty as them trying to get you. In other words your lack of honesty is “borderline disgusting in my opinion.”

      • AfroGoddess

        No guy ever listens when u tell him no. Many men think they’re big willy – or jesus – they think they’ll talk, perform a few miracles and you’ll bein to like them. Sometimes I hav to breakdown and yell at a guy to get him to stop comin at me

      • Kath

        I won’t tell them crap, I owe them absolutely nothing. You honestly believe they’re unaware of this fact? They’re very much aware, but its merely selfish desires on their part that have them believing something will eventually happen. My initial comment stands. It will become VERY CLEAR when am walking down the isle with Mr. None of the three.

        • The FunkyFunky Child

          “I owe them absolutely nothing.”

          Jeez. Woman are just ruthless sometimes. As a young man all I’m taking away from this is I ought to stay with my girlfriend regardless Because This is what else is out there, I don’t wanna see it. If you think they’re really your friend and they do favors for you don’t you owe them something?? Can’t you just be a kind person and stop making them waste there money and time? Why is that so much to ask? I don’t understand. Let them go.

        • Jilly Wickersham Jr.

          Wow, you are a terrible person.

    • Yeah, because a guy wanting to be with you is disgusting.

      Perhaps you prefer women? {{-_-}}

    • IMJSANYUmad

      typical mut

  • SweetMay

    Simping ain’t easy…

  • Kaori

    Yes, I wouldn’t turn down the chance of friendship unless I knew it would not work out.

    • Not the friendship. I’m talking about keeping someone who you know wants more in the friend zone so that you could take advantage of their romantic interest in you in order to gain money, gifts, and favors. You KNOW you don’t want to be with them in that capacity and you KNOW the only reason they are agreeing to be your “friend” is to one day have a shot with you.

      • Kaori

        I guess it is just different for me because I don’t accept money, gifts, and favors from people, especially from people where my feelings are not mutual. It is only the fault of the person who chooses to stick around and let themselves be used.

        • Well then this story doesn’t apply to you at all.

          • Kaori

            I don’t use men, but I have experienced men trying to do nice things for me in order to lead to more than being friends.

            • And had you allowed them you would have been using them.

              • Kath

                No fool, she’d have merely been accepting his gifts.

                • NO FOOL!!! You don’t take gifts from someone who is giving it to you in the hopes of taking the relationship further than YOU want. That makes you a sh*tty human being and probably a broke hoodrat.

                  Keep it classy

            • Allan R. Donald

              Notice the word “things”. You didn’t stop it after the first time. That means you used them.

  • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma

    thank you!!

  • Being a “gentleman” is sista-speak for “chump”.She dosen`t see b/m as humans,she see them is big dumb animals to use and abuse when he dosen`t OBEY her.(not all b/w).

    • AfroGoddess

      No, that’s what the article wants you to think. And that’s why women are bashing this article. Be a gentleman brother, we appreciate…

  • NYC man1245

    More guys know this then women think and that’s why there are so many single men and women out there. I’m wondering why the women who commented are so salty about this article

    • AfroGoddess

      I think women get ruffled up coz these re things we expect from every man. Protector provider. The hero. It is dangerous to have men believe this is women “using’ them. Men in America have gotten less and less masculine – this can’t be good for them, esp. Black men

      • The FunkyFunky Child

        Why do you expect this? Women literally make me so sick sometimes. You want everything on demand. You want me to pay if I don’t then there’s an awkward undertone. You want me to speak up for you. You want me to tell me how beautiful you agree. You want me to make all the decisions for you as long as you approve of them. You want me to want to have sex with you but if I try and you say no I should be okay with it. But on the RARE moon Im tired or don’t get aroused enough. Its a huge problem.! Please I want an explanation. Im a twenty year old black man with a job, a car, Im in an elite school, I’m an athlete. But I don’t get why I have to do everything for girls. It’s like they wanna make a relationship where i have to use her (for sex and ego) and she has to use me (for anything). I would rather be more equal 55-45 but so many woman have this perverse desire for a 80-20 power relationship that negates them of agency and and affects the male psyche negative. This is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my dating life?

  • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma

    this artile is for those women who know that the so called friend is attracted to them and choose to exploit that situation

    • Jasmine

      Exactly. If you’re not one of these women, why get offended by the article? Not EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE on this site will pertain to EVERY SINGLE WOMAN out there, so only read the ones that pertain to YOU and keep it moving with the rest. Some women need to get a grip and not take everything so damn personal.

      • L-Boogie

        True. But for some women when you get accused of this and cannot vent. So…yeah.

      • AfroGoddess

        I think women get ruffled up coz these re things we expect from every man. Protector provider. The hero. It is dangerous to have men believe this is women “using’ them. Men in America have gotten less and less masculine – this can’t be good for them, esp. Black men

        • IMJSANYUmad

          you are a simple mut… dont expect nothin like this cuz we aint ya boy… then a man ask you to do something like shut up and get in the kitchen and you actin up… you know nothin about what it is to deal wit you hateful money grubbing glorified holes… *calm voice* we good righ

    • Kath

      I will request favors from Men who: (1) knows I have absolutely no interest in them but still holds on to the hope that someday we’ll get together, and so have no problem doing these favors. (2) are genuine men, who can be and who are friends, without expecting something in return. I mean, all the above I would have done for a friend male/female, granted am in a position to do so. No. 1, makes me sick, but I’ll continue to ‘use’ him anyway. The fact that you like me when it’s obvious the feeling isn’t not mutual, is your problem, not mine. These are selfish men, who only have the desire to have you, by the hook or the crook, regardless of how you feel.

      • IMJSANYUmad

        u a a no shame type smut bucket… u a slimey lil snake

      • Jilly Wickersham Jr.

        You’re right, it is their problem that they like someone that uses them. But, by stringing them along that makes you a deadbeat and a P.O.S.

  • kALY

    Why is it woman bashing? Sorry that every article isn’t about kissing the behind of a woman.I
    am beautiful woman and I love good man…..inter racial romance is my dream… so I
    joined —blackwhitePlanet.С0M—–it’s where to- connect with beautiful and excellent people! Any man who complains about the ‘friend zone’ must not value friendship with women and think that they are owed more than what a woman is willing to give.

  • S.W.

    Girl you done told our secrets lol! Kidding! Did you interview dudes to write this article or this is from observation of how you seen some guys get carried? Good read!

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    FELLAS IF YOU LISTEN TO THESE COCKBLOCKING, BALLERBLOCKING LAMES YOU WILL END UP WITH A LOW CLASS CHIC OR EVEN WORSE ONE OF THEIR SWEATY, HAIRY, EXTRA UGLY @$$ES. STOP BALLERBLOCKING AND JUMP OFF A CLIFF!

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT A WOMAN WROTE THIS. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A THIRSTY LOW CLASS DUDE WITH NO CLUE HOW TO TREAT WOMEN. UGH AND I CAN GUESS THE VARIETY. HA HA HA THE SAD PART IS SOME WOMEN’S STANDARDS ARE SO LOW THAT THEY AGREE WITH THE THIRSTBALLS!

    • Dee

      Every article on this site is written from a fake know it all. They swear they are dropping knowledge but they are far from it.

      • Jasmine

        It’s funny how when there are articles on this site that are about “10 ways to spot a deadbeat” or an article that puts men in a bad light, no one is saying a “fake” person wrote it. Women want all articles to paint them in a positive light when the truth is, not all humans are perfect and it’s okay to spotlight that every once in a while so that we can take a real, honest look at ourselves.

        If this article doesn’t pertain to you because you don’t use men, then keep it moving. I find it funny that all these so called independent, I never do anything wrong, perfect women read a site like this anyway. If you’re so perfect, why even bother reading sites that offer ANY information – because you should know it all already! Maybe it’s helpful to someone else, and if it’s not helpful to you, go read something else!

    • Can we agree that there are SOME women who use men? Okay great, so pointing out 9 ways that SOME women use men = thirstball? I don’t get it. Do you oppose articles warning women about SOME men who just want the cookie?

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    30 AND 40 YEAR OLD MEN WHO MUST SLEEP WITH EVERY WOMAN THEY MEET. DESPERATE AND PATHETIC IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. YOU’LL LIKELY GET TOSSED OUT ONCE SHE SLEEPS WITH YOU ANYWAY. HA HA HA

  • Nope

    Excluding #9, a lot of women get/expect all of this from men, yet cry ‘whoa is me 🙁 ‘ when a man wants to have sex with them. Women rarely come up empty handed when interacting with men because at the least they got some attention and possibly a few meals or errands out of it, even if they’re not his woman (outside of her own head).

  • Why is this woman bashing article on here? This is a website that uplifts women, not beat them down for ways that we entice a man by using our femininity.

    • anony

      hello!!!! thank you!! i was thinking the same thing… its called “madamenoire”… get a clue writers!

    • R

      Why is it woman bashing? Sorry that every article isn’t about kissing the behind of a woman.

    • I guess it’s only sexist when men do it. {{-_-}}

    • AfroGoddess

      True. I’m guessing the writer in one of those independent, single women … or married to an effeminate man…

    • Allan R. Donald

      So what if it is bashing on SOME women? She is calling out the horrible women. That is not unempowering women. That is dethroning the bad women, and putting the good, honourable ones on the throne in their place. It is saying “Hey men, don’t waste your time on a female that isn’t a real women. A real women won’t need to use you to keep you around, and a real women will respect her man”

  • Miyo K.

    1. A man who can’t ‘just’ hang out with a beautiful woman obviously doesn’t see women for more than their physical appearance.

    2. Any man who complains about the ‘friend zone’ must not value friendship with women and think that they are owed more than what a woman is willing to give.

    • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma

      thats not true lol u sure are the user type

      • Miyo K.

        It is true. You just don’t agree. And no, I am not the ‘user type’. There wasn’t even any information in my comment for you to glean anything about my personality.

        • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma

          its all good at the end of the day a guy is only friends with a female he knows he can never date. its either she is ugly or he is just not attracted to her period

          • MIYO K.

            What kind of female?

    • Irritated

      Yeah she sounds like a gold digger Kim Kardashian bird brain.

    • L-Boogie

      You make so much sense.

    • Kath

      Thank you Kealii.

    • Allan R. Donald

      1. This entire article talks about a woman you want a relationship with, so why would he want to ‘just’ hang out. By the way, your (incorrect) quotations make no sense. What more is the men implying beyond the word just? I think you meant “hang out”
      2. You seem like someone that has problem with men because like my first point said it talks about someone wanting to have a relationship with the women. Women are the same way. They bitch about a man and say “he just doesn’t even notice me” when they don’t see the girl as more than a friend.
      3. Pretty sure you fall into all of these, and are mad you’re busted.