Did He Play You, Or Did You Play Yourself?

November 13, 2012  |  

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Ladies, how many times have you heard from a man that you are currently dating, currently sleeping with, or a man you think you’re dating say to you that he only wants to be friends, he’s not looking for an exclusive relationship, or that he does not want to be married? How many times have you heard the phrases “I’m not ready to settle down just yet”, “I know you’re a good woman but…”, or “I think we should just be friends” after you have engaged in a plethora of relationship-like activities?

Why is it that when a man is honest about what he does and does not want in a relationship (if he wants a relationship at all) we don’t take to head and heart what he is saying? Why is it that we hear these phrases and other words, but in most cases we don’t really listen to what the man is really saying? Is it because we want to hear and believe something else? Or is it because we believe we can change his mind about wanting a relationship?

When a man makes it clear that he does not want an exclusive relationship with one woman, why do we as intelligent women settle for less than what we want and move forward with a man who does not want the same thing? Why do we play ourselves and lead ourselves on by engaging in monogamous relationships with men who don’t want relationships? The answer is simple… in most cases we subconsciously believe that all good men are taken, that there is a shortage of men to have productive relationships with, and we want to keep a man that we are involved with because we are afraid that if we let him go our chances of getting married will become more narrow.

When two people are intensely involved with each other it is easy to do and say things that feel right to keep the excitement going. However, what most people (women in particular) fail to realize is that only one person views the involvement as a relationship (unless otherwise stated and discussed), while the other person has in their mind that’s it not. Ladies if it is your desire to have a relationship with the potential for marriage then you should get involved with men who want the same. I know it may seem as though a man you are involved with want the same things you want, but that may not be the case. A few ways you can avoid playing yourself in a relationship are:

  • Talk to him about his views on monogamy and marriage to see if you are on the same page. Many people skip this step in relationships, but this is one of the most important steps! Why? Because this is the time where both people discuss their expectations of each other with each other and whether or not they both agree to move forward. Don’t’ play yourself!
  • Don’t believe every man you meet is the one. So many women are so desperate to be married they believe every man that takes them to dinner, or every man that has an interest in them is the one they are destined to marry. While every man has a purpose in your life, every man is not the man that was created for you. Don’t’ play yourself!
  • Look more into his actions rather than listening to his words. Ladies this is so important! A man can tell you that you are the one he is going to marry…he can even take you ring shopping! But if he does not propose marriage to you on bended knee with ring in hand, his words are just words and it is up to you whether you believe him or not. Don’t play yourself!
  • If he’s honest with you about what he wants, and it’s not what you want, don’t be upset and don’t try to change his mind. Move on gracefully as being his friend, or move on without him. But be mindful that if you choose to move forward with him as his friend remember that the relationship can easily drift into something more that only you may want.  Don’t play yourself!
  • Establish standards of your own and keep them. Establishing standards for yourself will allow you to stay focused on your relationship goals and won’t allow you to settle for anything less than what you deserve. Don’t’ play yourself!

Ladies it is easy for us to get caught up in a man, who he is and what he has to offer, but if we don’t want our hearts to be broken and get caught up in dead end relationships then we must take the time to know the status of a relationship we are involved with from both parties’ perspectives. Don’t allow a man to play you in a relationship, and don’t play yourself either.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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