It’s An Ugly Truth: The 8 Most Common Reasons People Cheat

November 9, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin
"Man caught cheating pf"

Cheating is one of the most guilt-ridden actions a person can partake in, and being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. So, why does it happen? Why would someone want to hurt someone like that? When you look at the underlying emotional issues behind cheating, nobody ever meant to hurt somebody else—they were just finding an unhealthy way to avoid their own pain. Here’s what I mean.

MadameNoire Video

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  • Kath

    The reason- not reasons people cheat is because they want to. As to whether or not one allows it to happen to them repeatedly (mark you, you can’t say you’re being cheated on if you’re unaware) is one’s choice.

  • Dandy

    Very poor article

  • LuLuSlim

    MN really needs to stop with the 99 page clicks needed to read an article. The page takes to long to load up and then there are those annoying ads that are in audio. *I’ll pass. (I do enjoy the comments though! lol)

  • italianostaliano

    I clicked on all 17 and although not the best way to keep someone’s interest, it didn’t kill me.

    Now to the article. There is something that has not been mentioned to which I never have been, that being marriage. Many people marry for all the wrong reasons and soon find themselves in a situation with someone they really didn’t know as well as they thought they did and find cheating the escape you mention, yet they don’t want to go as far as divorce (at least not yet) for all the reasons one can think of. My point is when you add a bad marriage to the mix it exacerbates the emotional insecurities of people

  • Name

    is there a contradiction in saying that everyone is ‘special’ and then later saying that later they will be revealed as ‘ordinary’.

  • Why’d the woman in the first pic the pic get her bra off, but left her shirt ON? dumb pic

  • Pingback: It's An Ugly Truth – Madame Noire | Love Advice()

  • L-Boogie

    My list includes:
    Like Water for Chocolate
    The Color of Water
    House on Mango Street

  • Pingback: The Ugly Truth Way People Cheat from Madame « Spirit Of Fire()

  • dreama

    Gaaag – I know I’ll take a tarring for this but here it goes. This article isn’t really “8 reasons people cheat” it’s an exercise in demonizing a behaviour. This reads like an opinion piece – is there actually any data to back up any of these assertions? They sound like the reasons that jilted lovers use to get to sleep at night (in other words – from a very emotional place) Maybe people “cheat” because monogamy is plain boring and unnatural. Or maybe it’s because some people require more or less stimulus than others. The “myth” of monogamy is a one-size-fit’s-all approach foisted on us by those who never intended it for themselves – men. In almost all cultures monogamy is not expected of men, either explicitly (plural wives) or implicitly (sewing their oats, mistresses, hookers, deemed acceptable – simply not acknowledged). Just because society roundly condemns or approves something doesn’t actually make it inherently bad or good – see history for slavery, misenagation, gay rights, women’s rights, etc.

    • Xavier713

      Do you want to be with just one person?

      • dreama

        Do you want to have just one friend? Do you want to eat just one meal. Do you want to do just one job for your entire life. As a matter of fact, name me one other thing that you just want to do with one person and one person only for your entire life.

        • Xavier713

          Yes I would if I was fulfilled with that one meal, friend and and or woman. Call it simple but in my eyes less distractions draws you closer to the truth. And that one thing would be sex I’ll have a long time to get better at it.

          • dreama

            Listen – We’ve already co-opted the term and meaning of monogamy from it’s original definition, which was “one partner for life”. We’ve basically finessed the definition to make ourselves feel better about our own morality, while still clinging to a sense of self-righteousness about those “other” moral deficients. What you all now profess to believe in is “serial” monogamy i.e. one partner at a time, if we say we’re committed to each other. How many people REALLY believe in, and practice monogamy? You know, the REAL one. Your scenario is basically a false one – quite simply -you haven’t found that one meal, or one friend, or one anything else – because it doesn’t exist. There is NO mammal species that practices monogamy. Although there are a few animals that were previously believed to “pair” for life, DNA on the offspring has proved that siblings actually don’t always have the same parents.

          • dreama

            I answered, not sure what happened to it – but here’s the short answer: Your scenario is patently false, you have not committed to any “one” thing or activity or relationship (of any kind, including friend) that fulfilled you for life, to the exclusion of others because it doesn’t exist.

        • Pivyque

          Just because you are monogamous doesn’t mean you have to live your life with that person only. Yes, my husband is the only person that I want to sleep with, but I have friends to do other things with, as well as family and coworkers. So, yes I do just want to be with only him the way that I am, but i’d have to have multiple meals lol I’m just not compromising on that!!! I WON’T DO IT!!

    • Pivyque

      There is no “good” reason to cheat. Be in an open relationship or be single. What’s the point of betraying trust? I don’t believe that monogamy is unnatural and I don’t believe that being with multiple people is wrong. Different strokes for different folks. You just have to be on the same page as the person/people you are dealing with.

      • Dreama

        People get married or pledge monogamy for the same reason I wear a bra every single day, because it’s a social construct that has consequences. A bra literally has no merit whatsoever but I would be ostracized with these 40 yo Double DD’s if I didn’t wear one, at work, in my social circle, etc. I could name a million of them. 150 years ago not only was it “ok” and legal to beat your wife, it was considered sound advice that men passed on to their sons. We can pretend they don’t, but social taboos and norms carry a LOT of weight, whatever their merit. Women in China used to bind and mangle their feet because small feet were considered the height of femininity and beauty.

        • Dreama

          Oh, and, as soon as I get home behind closed doors that harness comes OFF!

        • Lola

          All your responses are cogent! I haven’t read such thought-provoking comments in quite a while and I hope to read more from you.

          While I enjoy being in a committed/monogamous relationship, I find that I start to get extremely bored after 3 years – every time like clock work. This is not an indictment on the man I happen to be with, it is just who I am. Of course, I keep this to myself because as you alluded to, society would deem it an anomaly.

          • Karim

            You should read Lacan Theory of Wants. Once you have something for a while, you will want something else. That goes for everything not just relationships. Why does everybody care about “society”? Unless it is against the law, and you don’t wrong others, do you!!!

        • Pivyque

          Honestly, I don’t care about social taboos and norms. All I am saying is that people can agree to have an open relationship. Regardless of reason, betraying someone’s trust is never the right thing to do. As I have said before, different strokes for different folks. My friend has an open marriage and they are happy with that. I don’t see the point, but as long as they are happy with it, me seeing the point isn’t necessary. I have been with my husband a long time and I haven’t felt the desire to be with anyone else. Not everyone feels that way and I have no right to think any less of them because of that. As for a bra…same thing. Some people like it, some people don’t. It’s all about preference.

        • Karim

          You don’t have to get married, just like you don’t have to wear a bra (yuck!!!), but when you chose a behavior you chose the consequences. If chose not to wear a bra you will have to deal with ppl staring. If don’t get married will have to deal with… what exactly? I hose not to get married because I want my space, but if I did I would respect the other person.

    • Karim

      Wow, so this is how people really think? Behaviors are typically demonized when they are known to involve the deceiving or hurting of another person. Just like stealing, beating women, and conning people out of money are demonized. It goes back to that whole treat people how want to be treated thing. If don’t want to be in relationship don’t be in one, but it is wrong to tell someone you are only with them and betray them behind their back. And for your so-called analogy with slavery, when you unjustly deceive or cause harm another thatis typically the barometer for right and wrong not laws. I could use our whole slavery analogy for an excuse on why rape or sleepng with a child should be okay. And wasn’t slavery demonized because it was purely selfish and subsequently made illegal?

  • Great article and yes I went through every page too. But my internet is fast and my page load pretty quick so I didn’t mind reading all 17 pages. But the even number pages are the reasons people cheat and the odd number explains why you shouldn’t cheat in detail and why you should just leave if your unhappy or each reason.

  • Anon

    i was interested in reading the article. but i’ll pass on 17 clicks. i will assume it was entertaining.

    • E McArthur


  • RJ5951

    Other reasons that didn’t make the list

    Yearning for a partner other than your own
    To go shopping (the person you’re cheating with may have ends)

  • Purple_Crush

    You said 8 reasons but there’s 17 pics to click on…err uhh…no thanks

    • The even numbers on the pages are the reasons and the odd numbers are explaining in detail why the reason shouldn’t be and why you should leave rather than cheat.