I Have To Do What Now? I Agreed To Be Her Maid Of Honor Before I Read The Job Description

November 16, 2012  |  


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Approximately two months ago, one of my girlfriends called me with some pretty big news. Her long-time boyfriend proposed to her and she accepted. She shared that they were planning to have a wedding in the coming months and that they planned on relocating to South Carolina before the year ended. I was ecstatic. I love to hear stories of couples getting engaged, especially black ones. While I knew that I would miss her once she and her hubby-to-be left New York, I was extremely excited for her and the new phase of life that she was preparing to embark upon. What came next was even more shocking than her fresh proposal and plans to relocate. She asked if I would be her maid of honor. “Awww,” I thought to myself. So caught up in the moment with all the good news that she shared and the fact that she asked me to hold such a coveted position in her bridal party, I quickly accepted.

It wasn’t until the initial excitement of it all wore off and I stopped gloating over another reason to get all dolled up that reality smacked me in the face. Although I was extremely happy for my girlfriend, I agreed to be her maid of honor for extremely vain and selfish reasons. I realized that I had accepted the role without having the slightest idea of what would be expected of me because of it. As I searched the Internet for information as to what the role of maid of honor actually entailed, I began kicking myself for accepting without really thinking things over. I stumbled across an article featured on The Knot, which lists the MOH responsibilities in detail.  It’s not that I’m a selfish person who refuses to make sacrifices for others, it’s just that at this point in my life, between graduate school and writing, I wondered how I could fit in such a huge responsibility. With each obligation I read, I moaned and groaned in my head.

“Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It’s the maid/matron of honor’s (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.”

Ugh, I barely know what I’m doing from week to week. If it weren’t for my monthly planner I’d be lost. 

“Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors

God, who has time for this? My life is already one huge deadline. How am I supposed to add anything else to this mix?

“Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence.”

Crap. I can’t dance. 

“Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.”


As the list continued, I of course had an excuse as to why I couldn’t fulfill that particular responsibility. And then, just as it always does, my extremely overactive imagination got the best of me as episodes of WeTV’s Bridezilla began to play on the movie screen of my mind. “Aw, hell. What have I gotten myself into?” I thought. And eventually, my conscience kicked in and I realized how truly selfish I was being. Everything was “I” or “me,” meanwhile, one of my good friends was preparing to make one of the most important commitments of her life. The least I could do was be there for her. Okay, so I may be inconvenienced for a few months, but when my time comes, I would hope that someone would be willing to do the same for me. Being a maid of honor isn’t about having a long to do list, but about being supportive and self-sacrificing to ensure that you’ve done all humanly possible to help your pal’s big day to go as smoothly as possible. I’ve decided to grin and bear it, because all my friend needs from me now is support, not the boo boo face.

Jazmine Denise is a writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Kristie R

    I think just being a good friend and helping where you can will suffice… but it depends on the girl, you may be asked to get involved a little more and if you are… you should be honored 🙂

  • Guest

    Not all Maids of Honor have to do a lot of work for the wedding. I know some who only had to show up for the wedding, but I also know some who were almost planning the wedding. Myself personally have told my 3 friends and 1 sister who aren’t married to please consider other friends or family instead of me for MOH or Bridesmaid. I don’t like being in weddings at all (which is the main reason I got married by the JP), and no need to ruin the festivities because I got a frown on my face.

  • Miss K

    I was MOH for my sister…and ONLY my sister! I would happily be a bridesmaid for any one of my girlfriends…but being MOH is a lot of work! It’s all good though because my sister was definitely NOT a bridezilla and we always said as little girls that we’d do each other the honor when we grew up 🙂

  • I was a MOH and the bride lived in a different state… Even though web site give you different “list”, its not really as bad as you think, because the bride could have others help with your role. Just keep the lines of communication open at all times.

  • leilani

    Although you seem to have come to accepting your role….I still feel like your complaining. But any who I wish you and your girlfriend the best of luck!!

  • Trisha_B

    Maybe your friend won’t require you to do so much. I would think the soon to be husband would be the one to help the bride address the invites and pick colors. Being a good friend, your a good listener & tear wiper regardless. As long as your friend isn’t a bridezilla, it probably won’t be too bad lol

    • Pivyque

      That’s what I was thinking. My maid of honor didn’t have to do anything put help me pick out bridesmaid dresses and show up for the wedding on time! Best wishes to the new couple tho!