Several years ago I dated a man I’ll call “Rico.” I met him through a mutual friend and our relationship became serious rather quickly. He was President of his fraternity, an excellent father, attended church regularly, and played basketball on Saturday mornings. I quickly found that he was everything I wanted in a man and I couldn’t wait to be his wife. Little did I know that marriage to me, or any woman for that matter, was the last thing on his mind.
One night during one of my many visits to Rico’s place the doorbell rang. It was one of his best friends who had dropped by to see us. He came by to inform us that he had accepted a recent job offer and would be moving out of state. I was disappointed because I really enjoyed having Rico’s friend around and I knew how crushed my man would be once this friend actually left. I greatly underestimated how much these two men really meant to one another. I went into the kitchen to prepare some food since I assumed we would all be celebrating this new step in his friend’s life. I didn’t realize it had gotten quiet outside the kitchen due to the commotion created by all of the pots and pans I was working with. I popped my head out to make sure Rico and his friend were still in the living room. They weren’t.
Both of them loved to shoot pool so I figured they went to his game room. As I headed towards the game room I heard something in the bathroom instead. I couldn’t quite make out what it was so I made my way to the bathroom to investigate. As I got closer to the door, I could hear voices. The door was shut, but I was certain both voices belonged to Rico and his friend. I chalked it up to “guy talk” and turned back to the kitchen. Big mistake.
As I made my way back to the kitchen I heard a loud bang from the bathroom. Panicking, thinking someone was hurt, I rushed back to the bathroom since I had no idea what the loud noise was. The door was still shut so I started banging on it. I asked if everyone was okay. No answer. I banged on the door and shouted both Rico and his friend’s names. There was still no answer. My imagination got the best of me as I ran through different scenarios that may have been going on inside the bathroom. While on the verge of a complete and total breakdown, the whispers I previously heard returned.
Apparently, Rico and his friend thought I retreated back to the kitchen. The whispers became louder and pretty soon I heard sounds that are usually found in the bedroom, not between two friends who are supposed to just be having a little “guy talk” as I had initially though. I proceeded to bang on the door again, this time in anger. Rico timidly came to the door as I shouted all kinds of obscenities. He tried to explain himself, but I was too furious to listen. I could not believe my man just had sex with another man while I was STILL at his house! Not only was it extremely bold and disrespectful, but the man was GAY. He didn’t bother trying to tell me that he had these feelings before, and sadly I had to find out, possibly the last to know, due to Rico and his “friend’s” reckless behavior.
Clearly, I must have missed signs that indicated this man was on the down low. I racked my brain trying to determine if there were any obvious behaviors Rico demonstrated that I failed to see. I couldn’t come up with any. After all, he enjoyed sports, he seemed masculine enough and he loved women. Or so it seemed.
Several months later, after I calmed down from the shock of being in a one-sided monogamous relationship with a gay man, Rico and I had a serious discussion. It turned out that he had been gay all of his life and he wasn’t even remotely bisexual. His friend had been his part-time lover during the entire length of our relationship and what I caught them in the act of was a goodbye love-making session. Rico was was tired of hiding his sexuality. He came out of the closet soon after I caught him getting off in the bathroom and he’s now proudly living his life as a gay man. I would be happy for him if he hadn’t been so selfish, not caring about my feelings or my health. If only Rico had grown tired of hiding his sexuality and wanted to be a proud gay man BEFORE he met me…
Have you ever dated a man who wound up being gay or bisexual?