Know This: Truths About Humans To Keep In Mind When Dating
As you struggle through the confusing, turbulent and dizzying world of dating, you’re going to have a lot of people and situations to analyze. But, analyzing is exhausting, and it can get you hung up on someone you should have walked away from a long time ago. So know this: the answer to any situation can usually be whittled down to one of these universal truths about humans.
Everybody is afraid of rejection from somebody
Even the cocky, gorgeous guy who women flock to, and seems like he couldn’t care less whether you like him or not because he has a line at his door—even that guy fears being rejected by somebody. It may not be women, but perhaps his father, his co-workers or his buddies. But nobody just believes that the entire world is impressed with him or her. So just know this: next time that cocky guy rejects you, he secretly shakes on the inside to have the same thing happen to him. And his behavior towards you was probably the way he dealt with that fear.
Love is all consuming, no matter who you are
Stop waiting for the guy that only calls you once a month because he got “too busy with work.” Nobody is too busy for love. You can’t control love; it controls you. Or even extreme chemistry. If a man feels that for you, he will find even the tiniest pockets of time in every day to see you or at least speak to you. And if he doesn’t, then he’s (hate to say it) just not that into you.
But, it’s not always the best time for love
Sometimes people want things they can’t manage. A man might want you around, but isn’t in a place to give you what you need right now. If a man is working on the fundamentals of his own path—building his business, finding himself—he won’t have the mental energy, or the time to be a whole partner to you. Sometimes, even someone you feel immense chemistry with just has no space for you at that time.
A happy individual is a happy partner
If a person has no friends, no ambitions, no prospects for happiness in life outside of his relationship, he begins to feel like a slave to his relationship. And that can make a person resentful of his relationship, because it’s the only place he can go for a sense of worth. Let your partner pursue all the things he loves outside of the relationship, or he will stop loving that relationship.
People love a good listener
A first date isn’t a race to tell somebody everything there is to know about you. A guy won’t walk away impressed with everything you said, but rather he’ll be impressed by how good of a listener you were to everything he said. People don’t care too much about what you say, but rather how you make them feel. And people love to feel heard and understood. Think about some of your favorite people; it’s possible you actually know very little about them. And they know everything about you…
Everybody has a past
So don’t think you’re strange or too dramatic for telling a guy about emotional or traumatic things that happened in your past. The guy who responds positively, and in an understanding manner, is the one you want to keep. But the guy who shies away, or makes you feel like you gave him “TMI” is just a guy who isn’t comfortable enough with his own past. But believe me: he has one. And it may even be darker than yours.
Humans are complex; sometimes there will be no rhyme or reason to why someone does something
There will be men who pursue you like their life depends on it, and suddenly drop off the face of the planet. There will be men who you have an incredible first date with, and even first kiss, and then never call you again. There will be men who you carry on long and loving relationships with, that end things suddenly, and inexplicably one day. All you can do is do your best to read the signs, and pay attention to people and their behaviors. But there is an element of surprise beyond that that you can never be prepared for. When you feel stumped, it has happened. It’s best to move on.
You will be valued at what you value yourself
So if you’re throwing yourself at someone, he will believe nobody else wanted you, and wonder why he should. If you let someone treat you poorly, he will believe that you don’t think you deserve better, and he’ll feel even more of a reason to treat you that way.
Everybody is looking for his or her own happiness
If you’re miserable in your own life, don’t bring someone in to fix that. Anybody you date is just chasing their own happiness, and they want it to multiply by linking up with another happy person. Each person has a large enough responsibility trying to make themselves happy; rarely will they take on the added responsibility of bringing up a person that is down. You have to bring yourself up.
Cruelty is nothing but an unhealthy outlet for fear
Behind every act of cruelty is a very big fear. Cruelty is just the knee jerk reaction, to avoid something that frightens you. Any time someone tries to bully, eliminate or suppress somebody else, it’s only because the existence of that other person stirs up the insecurities in the bully. And instead of looking inward and facing their fears, the bully looks outward and sends his wrath anywhere he possibly can other than himself.
When chemistry is there it is unbreakable; when chemistry isn’t there it is un-makeable
If you feel chemistry with someone who you know is bad for you, remove yourself from that person. Chemistry does not go away; it is a reaction that happens when two particular bodies come together, and so long as your body and that person’s are in proximity of one another, that chemistry will be there. But if you do not feel chemistry with someone, all the waiting around and talking yourself into it won’t make that chemistry manifest. Know that about the men that are leading you on and playing games with you; they are waiting for chemistry to happen. It won’t if it hasn’t yet.
Jealousy rarely comes from the outside
Jealousy might be provoked, but to provoke something implies that it was already there, simply lying dormant. If a man is jealous, it’s usually not because you did something wrong. But rather something you did, stirred up his insecurities. And instead of recognizing, “This is my inner battle to fight. I have to process these negative feelings,” he flings them at you.
Your issues are your responsibility
Your partner should understand them, and sympathize with you, but he is not there to feel the wrath when your issues flare up, or take the blame when you’re too afraid to look inside of yourself and ask, “Why am I reacting like this?” Cruelty, jealousy, and the need to control are all unhealthy behaviors that happen when you’re unwilling to deal with your own issues. Be grateful your partner is with you when you’re feeling low and your issues are consuming you, but do not use your partner to deflect your negative feelings.
People tell you exactly what they want you to know; no more, no less
If a man skirts around the issue of whether or not he is single, that is no accident. If your boyfriend tells you very little about his night, that is no accident. If a man fails to tell you how he feels about you, that is no accident. People say and behave in a manner to keep you exactly where they want to keep you, whether that be close or distant. So don’t make excuses for people, or think that getting more information will change things.