Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Do First Dates Still Exist?

October 24, 2012  |  

 

Zaphesheya  After how many dates is a girl expected to pay??? Does a guy take offense if you wipe out your card to pay?

Damon: If you’re familiar with my columns/articles/chats, you’re probably also aware that I’m a bit of a traditionalist in regards to dating and gender roles. Basically, the answers I give in regards to certain expectations may not be the answer you receive from someone you’re dating. There’s no set “man” answer in regards to this question.

That being said, I never “expect” a woman to pay. If I’m making the date plans, then I have the bill. If I can’t cover the bill, I’m either not making date plans or thinking of something a bit more creative. I wouldn’t take offense if she whipped out her card, but I’d ask her to put it away.

Yet, after you’ve established that you both do like each other and may see a relationship in your future, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to cook him dinner or even do something simple he’d enjoy like buy him tickets to a college basketball game or something.

 

Jasmine: What is with men that try to flirt with you/impress you by belittling what you do? Like they are always trying to see who is bigger, if you will, as if I’m another guy or something. And then they’ll ask me out.

Damon: As much as you say you hate that, for some men, approaching women like that has worked before. What you’re referring to is called “teasing” or “negging.” In smaller doses it’s not a bad thing. But, some men go overboard with it, or can’t tell when they’ve gone from playful to annoying. Perhaps you met one of these men

 

Mia: I’ve been broken up with a guy for over a year and whenever I run into him, he doesn’t speak and acts like he’s angry with me. Why do guys do that? Our break up was bad but it was all his fault, I did nothing to him.

Damon: The better question is, why do you even care?

 

Crystal: What happened to having a first date? Is it possible to take a man seriously when he says “let’s meet up” or “let me know once you arrive”?

Damon: We (Men) typically do what they’re allowed to do. If you expect to have actual dates, you’ll have actual dates. If you agree to the “come over and chill” approach, you’ll get that and nothing more.

 

Nneka: Could a man ever approach you at his job? Say you stopped somewhere everyday for coffee and a guy was a manager at a coffee shop and you both clearly like each other…do you think he would ever initiate anything?

Damon: If he likes you enough, no condition, coffee shop, or crackhead will be enough to keep him away from talking to you.

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