A relationship is a connection, an association or involvement between people who can have a negative or positive effect on people. While in a relationship, people expect to have good times, great times, bad and difficult times; but how often do we expect a relationship to end? Relationships generally end in one of five ways; a mutual decision to part ways on good terms, the decision of one person which can be because of something good or bad; the relationship can simply fade away; both parties can decide to have a platonic relationship, or sadly it can end in death. However, when a relationship has ended between two people, is it really over?
I ask this question because many times when a relationship is said to be over by one or both parties involved, there is still some sort of attachment to the other person, or some sort of physical interaction. For instance, two people can decide to end their monogamous relationship, but continue to have sex with each other. Or, a woman can leave a relationship with a man physically, but she is still attached to him emotionally or financially. Why does this occur? Why is it so difficult to let go of someone when a relationship has ended? The answer is simple.
It’s difficult to let someone go, or completely faze them out of your system because you were once connected to this person in some shape, form or fashion for a season or a series in your life and that person has helped you become the person you are. Whether the relationship was good or bad, the person you were involved with taught you a valuable lesson, and you will always remember what they did, what they did not do, how they made you feel emotionally, how good the intimacy was between the two of you, how they provided for you financially, so on and so forth. And no matter why or how the relationship ended, this person has become an indirect part of who you are, and you have become an indirect part of them.
Other reasons relationships aren’t really over is because of the memories that were created. It is difficult to get over someone because of feelings that have developed, and people don’t want to let go of the relationship. Relationships are generally built and based on feelings of physical attraction, mental stimulation, sexual stimulation, etc. It is difficult to break the ties of those feelings that have been developed. This happens more often than not because people don’t want to start over in love, they are still vulnerable to the connection they they developed and simply want to hold on to the relationship no matter what.
I recall a relationship I was involved in several years ago with a young man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. He had everything I wanted in a man at that time in my life, and I just knew we would have an amazing life together. Unfortunately, things did not go as I thought they would, and my mate and I parted ways relationship wise, but we still remained friends.
As we transitioned from our dating relationship to being friends I thought to myself, I can handle this, and I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all, and as time went by it became easier for me to be his friend, but in the same breath it was difficult for me to do so because we had a great relationship and I wanted to continue with him as my mate. As the years went by, I realized that this relationship wasn’t over for me because I didn’t want to let him go for my own selfish reasons. I wanted him to be mine and mine alone because of the connection we had, the way he made me feel and because I thought we would have this story book life that would end happily ever after. It was hard for me to relinquish the feelings I had for him in regard to being his mate, but as it turns out, we were better off being friends, and we are still friends to this day.
Do I think about our relationship when we see each other? Yes I do. Does my heart sink in slightly at the thought of us not being together? Periodically. Have I completely moved on from wanting to be in a relationship with him? Yes I have. Is he completely out of my system? No, he’s not and that is because he is a part of who I am, I am a part of him and I learned a number of valuable lessons from him that I will always keep with me. So needless to say, when certain aspects of relationships end, it begins a new relationship with the person be it physical or not. Am I saying hold on to someone? No I’m not, but I am saying embrace the memories created, learn lessons from each relationship and apply the knowledge learned because the person came into your life for a season, but they remain in your heart and on your mind for a reason.
When a relationship has ended, is it really over for you? What things have kept you from moving forward?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin