Many couples find themselves in a battle over whether either person is genuinely in tune with the other’s life. Men can seem disinterested or distant, they may also seem to put personal concerns over the relationship. It can lead to women feeling like they are always the one who has to sacrifice for the relationship or they are always the one who is led to compromise, and that’s not fair. As the distance between reality and perfection continues to increase for couples it’s time for men to break their silence. You see, often times many men are sacrificing everyday in their relationship to keep the peace, but they don’t broadcast it or even let it be known to their significant other that the sacrifice was made. Women go along thinking they’re the ones making the most sacrifice, but there’s a few ways that men make sacrifices in relationships all the time. Here’s a short list of five ways men sacrifice without information their significant other of the change.
1. Friends – No one wants to know this and most women don’t like to think of themselves as wedge between herself and his friends but it happens more times than we think. As a man, once you begin to fall in love or like with a woman you begin to see her as a top priority. Our women may not know it but there are tons of times when we should be hanging out with his boys but we’re hanging out with our ladies. We start sliding down Dude’s Night Out on our list of priorities and replacing it with Redbox and couch time.
2. Family – No one should ever sacrifice family over a relationship, but it happens. The challenge that most men face is replacing their mother with a woman who is equally as important. Without speaking to you or bringing it to the dinner table, many men have to distance themselves from their family in order to let their relationship prosper. Most men have to make a decision about whether they’re going to allow their lives to lead to a scene from Jason’s Lyric, or if they’re going to sacrifice for their long term happiness in the relationship.
3. Sports – I’m a Lakers fan. A huge Lakers fan. I realize that most women I date won’t be a fan like I am. There will be times when the game is on but I’ll have to miss it to spend time with my significant other. A woman may not understand this because she doesn’t follow his team. While we may not miss the Super Bowl or a key playoff game, there are plenty of times throughout the season where we’ll dip out of a big game for our significant other.
4. Career – At times a man is faced with trying to gain career gains or trying to improve his relationship. I’ve always thought to myself that personal goals should be a priority in a relationship but it should coincide with common goals in a relationship. A big move can be cancelled because he doesn’t want to test the relationship with long distance, or putting in more hours at the workplace can be minimized with a goal to spend more time with a significant other. We hope that our relationship allows us to chase our goals, but at the same time, it’s the long term fulfillment that a relationship can offer that a job cannot.
5. Life goals – Many men plan great things to be great in life. They realize that their goals are very personal and don’t often involve others. There’s been times when men have thought that their next step would be in a different city or would require a lesser involvement with their significant other but they choose to stand down. We’ll never say anything to the women in our lives but it happens. Men set aside a potential career change to make sure they have their half of the mortgage. Men sometimes make life decisions like getting married earlier than they planned because they don’t want to lose their significant other. Whatever they do, sometimes men are sacrificing their personal life goals to be with a woman.
We hope that women realize these sacrifices but many times they won’t. I urge most women to evaluate their relationships and decide if their significant other is making sacrifices that sometimes go without mention. There’s a scene in the movie, Ray, where a stage manager speaks about a change he made during one of Ray Charles’s performances. He said, “Nobody had to ask me to do it, I did it because it needed to be done.” Many times this is how men operate, in silence, but for the good of the relationship.
Dr. J is a writer for the men’s blog Single Black Male. Dr. J’s inspiration and motivation for writing comes from a desire to provide real and honest advice to all. His approach is no nonsense and rarely sugarcoated. Follow him on twitter @DrJayJack.