An Unfaithful Man Answers The Question: Why Do Men Cheat?

October 22nd, 2012 - By MN Editor
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Dear SBM,

I just want to know why a man would continue to cheat after begging a woman to take him back? And does he think that because she took him back that she’ll put up with it? My coworker was telling us about an argument he had with the mother of his baby in which he ended by telling her that he’s not changing. I could see where her anger was coming from to a degree, I mean he did cheat on her so she was expecting him to be grateful that she took him back, but women’s intuition also tells me that she expected him to miraculously turn into a new person. Just some background for you, he admits to having side pieces throughout their entire relationship (including her pregnancy) and they broke up a few months after the baby was born because she found some evidence of his indiscretions. They got back together a few months ago but he still says that he’s cheating and will continue to do so as long as he wants. From the way he describes their current relationship, it seems as though he has gotten even more comfortable and offers no apologies for his behaviors in and out of the house. Of course, I realize that I have only really gotten half of these stories and he could just be exaggerating, but I doubt it. Why does a cheater even want to be in a relationship if he’s decided that he’s not going to be faithful? And does it signal to him that he can continue to cheat if a woman takes him back?

I’ll start off by quoting some statistics for context. I read a story earlier this year that estimated between 15 percent of women and 20 percent of men are unfaithful. Women are less likely to get caught. Ninety-five percent of women and 83 percent of men reported they “successfully” cheated without their spouses ever finding out. These are married people so who knows how desolate the landscape of relationships and pseudo-relationships looks. I only point this out to note that there are a number of unfaithful people among us and many of them will never get caught (or so they believe). Specific to your friend’s situation, you seem have two main questions:

 

Read the breakdown as to why men cheat at SBM (Single Black Male).

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  • Cinnamon71

    All I’m saying is I don’t treat a cheating man like baseball. You only get one strike with me and you’re out. Whether it’s done by a woman or man, cheating is a selfish, immature act, period. It’s the classic case of trying to have your cake and eating it, too. Just remember that what goes around, comes around.

  • Kayo Halana Malie

    He cannot answer for why men cheat. He can only speak for himself.

  • 1Val

    Men and women cheat because they can. The question isn’t why does he or she cheat but why are you with someone you need to ask that question?

  • Plumbline

    Romans 8:7-9……….
    7 For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. 8 That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. 9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)

    • Mia

      Carrie’s mom is that you?

  • Meyaka

    “Cheated on her throughout her pregnancy” nuff said. She took him back,now she must deal.

    • elsebeth

      Agreed. It’s too bad a child was born in this mess though. He was a neglectful partner, you know so you know he’ll be a neglectful father.

      • Meyaka

        I feel sorry for the child as well,I tell ya there needs to be some kind of qualification test one must pass to procreate…

        • Shaun

          thank you Meyaka. i have been saying that for years.

  • ThaVoiceoftheVoiceless

    I’ll tell you why I cheat. Not enough attention and affection from my spouse.

    • TRUTH IS

      Damn….before you cheat end it….cheating is a selfish act

      • ThaVoiceoftheVoiceless

        I said that to state that not all guys that cheat are doing it just to be dirty.

        • TRUTH IS

          When does cheating not equates to a dirty mind?!? If you are unhappy, walk away!! No one is forever tied to anyone. Go and find that person who is affectionate and gives you attention. It’s that simple!! Cheating is a selfish act!!

        • ThisChick

          As a human you have free will to make choices. Whoever you was with may have done things like not give you enough attention or affection but YOU still made the choice to cheat. That was not their fault, as a GROWN man you are responsible for our own actions. It’s time for people to step up and stop blaming others for the decisons they made. Like Truth Is said you are not tied to that person. Clearly, that means that person is not meant for you so all you had to do was let it go. I personally think cheating is one the most selfish and immature thing done. It is good people out there who end up getting cheated on simply because other people do not have the courage to just say “He this is not working for me.” Or even simply talking to the person to figure out if the problem can be fixed. It is just a breakup, not the end of the world! If you “love” that person at least respect them enough to break up then you can do what you have to do.

    • MLS2698

      No, you cheat because you are sexually immature, and expect women to be creatures of pleasure at all times.

    • elsebeth

      So is our spouse allowed to cheat too? Or are you the perfect mate?

    • Merriegirl

      We women should not be attacking this man. He did not say the behavior was morally right.He just expressed how he felt.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      You say it like you are currently still doing it. Your cheating doesn’t have anything to do with your spouse. It has 100% to do with you and your feelings of inadequacy and probably bitterness. To cheat one time is bad enough. To continuously cheat belies a poor character and b*tch assness.

    • Na Na

      I for one say thanks for honesty. We as women ask alot of questions about men but we scream, cry, holler and get an attitude when they give us an honest answer to our questions. We shouldn’t beat this man up because he hasn’t cheated on us personally and he is just giving us the honest feedback that we’ve asked for.

      I have an ex, we are friendly I wouldn’t say friends, but I agreed several months ago to control my emotions when we have serious convos about life and love, and I promise our understanding of each other is soooo much better. Not that I don’t have valid feelings towards what he is saying its just that I express my feelings in a more rational demeanor and that allows for us to have open dialogue without him lying or feeling scared to share the truth for fear of my tears…….IJS ladies hear the brothers reasoning out heck we can speculate on our own.

  • TRUTH IS

    Stray dog go, stray dog come. It’s in their DNA to cheat and lie on top of it! Women put up with the behavior also

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