Girl, You’re How Old?! Why She’s 30 (or Older) and Still Not Married

October 27th, 2012 - By Brooke Dean
"WomanRelaxing PF"

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As a single, 30-something year old woman, I’ve got explaining why I’m still unmarried down to a science. You’re at a dinner party, a wedding, a barbecue, or at a place where everyone is coupled up, and then folks find out you’re single…still. Once they get past the shock of your singlehood, they ask you if you’ve considered YouKnowTheSite.com. That’s when it gets fun for me. I’ve actually practiced my responses. Here are a few:

Why are you still single?

“That’s a mystery right up there with ‘Who Shot Biggie?’”

“My fiancé is doing a bid”

“Why aren’t you?”

No one really asks smart, successful, good-looking men why they’re single but if you’re a smart, successful, attractive woman, people want to know what’s wrong with you. While many women find this question so maddening that they don’t even bother to answer it, other women might actually wonder if there issomething wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with being single, a woman, or in your thirties – all at the same time. But if you’re trying to figure out why a woman might be unwed and in her 30’s, here are some reasons to ponder…if you really truly care.

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  • Mayne

    or…#7 She’s with a guy that has intentions on proposing when he is financially stable but isn’t there yet.

  • realtalk

    1st of all… Anyone that believes the statement in #1 is a fool… Only woman that doesnt want to be married & never have is a HO!

  • greentea516

    A lot of single sistahs for different reasons, that doesn’t mean life should stop! Keep moving, trying new things, find passion in life and live for helping others. Know your purpose before trying to find it in another person

  • N

    I will be 30 next year and have gone through four serious romances in the last twelve years, however, I suffered depression and low self esteem from an abusive childhood and tended to pick guys who couldn’t be there for me in the ways that I needed them to be. Instead, I kept becoming someone’s mother rather than their girlfriend. Three of them thought of pursuing marriage, but I’m glad I never took that step with any of them. I’ve been single for a few years now and have done so much growing up just in the last two, that I’m almost a completely different person than who I was. I take care of myself better than I ever have, very rarely feel depressed and know now that being single is much preferable to being in a dead-end, bad relationship. I do not need a “perfect” man, just a good and honest man who shares my life goals. I have a feeling my 30′s are going to be so much better than my 20′s. I look forward to them!

  • Smmmoke

    ‘No one really asks smart, successful, good-looking men why they’re single….’

    With all due respect this is simply not true. People ask me why I’ve never married all the time. I always hear that I have all the right qualifications. My answer is usually that ‘I’m looking for what they’ve found in their own relationship.’ Most often the married men jokingly answer with something like ‘I ain’t found nothing but stress.’ Then I ask ‘why would I want that?’ I actually don’t believe guys when they say negative stuff…if their relationship was all that bad it would have ended by now.

    The truth is that everyone’s not going to be married on this earth and even if some of us do they can’t always choose when it will happen.

    Personally I don’t place much emphasis on getting married but simply finding the right person to love and grow with. My focus is on the finding the person AND developing the relationship, not so much the verification of it all.

  • lisa1022

    dont want to be!!!

  • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

    A LOT OF THESE DUDES ARE MORE DESPERATE THAN THEY LET ON. A LOT OF WOMEN AREN’T SETTLING FOR THEM AND ARE CHOOSING TO REMAIN SINGLE, SO THEY COME UP WITH BULLSHT ARTICLES LIKE THIS TO ATTACK THE WOMEN’S SELF ESTEEM. YAWN. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY IS FOR CHILDREN. SADLY, IN A LOT OF CASES IT’S JUST NOT W O R T H MARRYING THEM.

  • mscharming88

    These articles are very good at bringing out the trolls, I must say.

  • shanitahz

    Didn’t know marriage had an age bracket…*kanye shrug*

  • get real

    Look you little crazy “since I can’t find a man I’ll just blame it on everything but me” feminist. Men marry women that are marriage material. We don’t let “wifey” pass us by, when we meet marriage material we wife that and do it quickly.. So blame your lonely disgruntled existence on yourself . I just read everything from “i don’t wanna get married” to “blk men in jail and being gay”. I mean the same ole bs from women who can’t find men. So keep making excuses and blaming everything and everybody but yourself. The only person that you need to blame is the militant feminist that you see in the mirror.

    • mscharming88

      *Lmao*, man you just made my night w/this comment. You and others like you swear they know the answer to every f*cking question ever posed to man, and it’s quite annoying to be honest. Always trying to define and knock someone else’s life choices when no one asked for your commentary. Please, build a bridge and get over yourself kind sir.

      • Jaina

        Shut up, Precious.

        • mscharming88

          Ooooh, you sure did get me w/that one (._.) Seriously thought, come better next time.

        • get real

          LMAO. From looking at her picture I can see why she doesn’t have a man. Sister girl please that picture down. Is this full of women that look like her? If so I can see why they have all of this hatred and anger built up. Men aren’t checking for them.

          • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

            WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER PICTURE?

            • mscharming88

              I’ll be awaiting the answer right along w/you (which I highly doubt will make me weep).

        • drama free

          @ get real and Jaina, those comments are not nice. beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t think you’re beautiful, who will. all type of men and women get married. of course I understand that you don’t see the beauty within a person first off when you are rushing into things. if more men and women would take the time to observe and get to know them, they will see other great qualities. you can’t see a women the first time on a bus/train or simply in passing and want to exchange numbers. I know of a man who on one side of his face was extremely droopy and had all this skin hanging (birth defect) and was married to a nice looking woman and had a couple of nice looking children. i wish i had gotten the story on how they met. she must have taken the time to get to know him and besides that, he had a lot of confidence and held his head up and made eye contact. you couldn’t convince him he wasn’t deserving of a decent looking woman.

    • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

      YOU DON’T ALWAYS GET THE ONES YOU WANT. MANY OF YOU GET REJECTED AND COMPLAIN AND TALK SHT, AS WELL.

  • ncntrol

    something to share. For all the single ladies in such a hurry to get married here is a piece of Biblical advice. Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. So while waiting on your Boaz, please do not settle for any of his relatives… Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz. Please wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz!

    • 1Val

      rofllmao, rofllmao….

    • Shiron

      Oh my goodness, you are SO funny, Lol!! I am going to have to use that the next time I talk to my single friends!

    • Vince

      A played out analogy that’s been copied and pasted all over the “net”

      • ncntrol

        I think i mentioned it was “something to share” you being a man you must fit in there somewhere, or did I forget one like “gayaz”

  • Mrs M

    … Or you have Angry Black Woman syndrome or you spent your 20s hoeing at the club every weekend and nobody wants to marry the town bicycle.

    • DUMBBEACHPLEASE

      PLEASE. THOSE ARE THE FIRST ONES THEY MARRY. LOOK AROUND

      • Psuedonym

        True DIS!!!!

        I totally understood when the wave of boring women got married. (They’re safe and remind some men of what their moms lead them to believe they are like.)

        BUT when the wave came for men to be wifing up the hoe baby mommas (who weren’t their BMs), I was too through.

        I keep seeing this phrase thrown out on the Internet: “Hoes stay winning.”

    • lisa1022

      the hoes are the first ones to get married.

    • drama free

      the town bicycle…I can’t even chime in. take me out of the oven because I’m done.

  • cairo5

    The answer for this question should be ‘ have u seen most married couples, they look so damn miserable. The majority of them are steppin out on each other, and would kill to inject some excitement back into their life. So if thats marriage, thanks, but no thank you’.

  • chilady

    Two of my friends have gotten married. One is divorced (5 month marriage), and the other is pregnant with their third child, and she’s only 27. That wouldn’t be a bad thing if she didn’t hate her husband LOL.

    I use their lives as confirmation for me that marriage/family should not be entered into lightly. I’d rather work on myself and be patient while God works on the man he’s designed for me. Relationships are a beautiful thing when they’re right, but you should never be ashamed of not being in a relationship at a certain age.

  • http://twitter.com/Deirdre_B_Pride Unlimited Whispers

    I beg your pardon……I’m not getting married until I’m 60.

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