Sex is good. And for many of us, sex is great. It can make your eyes roll, toes curl, head snap back and legs tremble with so much intensity you think there’s an earthquake happening. But in a blossoming relationship, sex can be risky. If not with the right person, having sex too early will most likely leave you glued to your sofa with puffy eyes and a box of Kleenex—in other words, dude will up and jet as soon as he gets what he wants, burdening you with an achy heart and have you feeling like a complete fool, well unless that’s all you were looking for as well. Or you might discover that the man you thought was the good, clean-cut man-of-God is a low-down dirty dog who never deserved getting your goods in the first place. Here come the shoulda, coulda, wouldas…
It happens all the time. You wind up in a guy’s bed after going out on the first date or just a few dates, and while you might not get dumped, you spend months falling into his glory only to find that he’s not very honest, not very nice, not very single, or a VERY big man w***e with kids spread all around the globe. Angry and bruised, all you think is, “I wish that I’d kept my legs closed.” We’ve all heard, read, and shared these stories time and time again.
It may be hard to do, but waiting for sex allows you time to forge a deeper connection with your mate. The more you talk—the more you get to know him and learn about his childhood friends, treasured secrets and favorite past times—the deeper your bond will be, which not only makes it easier for him to respect you (and vice versa), but increases your chances of powerful, passionate sex. You see, when you jump right to the covers, sex tends to end up being the basis of the relationship, and if it’s not good, you’ll probably call it quits. With no real feelings involved, you won’t be open to teaching your man how to love you the way you want to be loved, even if he is fully equipped in every other department. No enthusiasm, no passion.
But if you stay strong and keep your panties on tight, you learn to get comfortable with a person, and when the time comes to pour up the wine and throw on the Trey Songz (or much better, Teddy Pendergrass), you won’t be concerned about the small stuff—things you can work around. You won’t worry as much about the things that would’ve driven you mad had you not known your man as well as you do. Your level of respect for one another will supersede all of your flaws—and his—and neither of you will mind looking past everything that matters in relationships based on superficial standards.
If you’re serious about a guy, make sure you make him wait a little while before he gets a chance to get you in the sack. Sex is a powerful thing, and if you decide to knock the boots before you feel him out and know what he’s all about, you could be ruining a chance at something good.