Serious Question: When Squeezing Past Someone For A Seat, Should You Give Them Crotch Or Butt?

October 18, 2012  |  

 

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I’m sure you read the title and just happen to be thinking, “slow news day?” right now. But seriously, I really want to know, because I got put in my place about it at church of all places and didn’t realize that this was a form of etiquette and that I wasn’t possibly minding my manners.

So while attending Sunday services a few weeks back, I was seated next to a woman who was the last person in our row, close to the main aisle. Because I got to church a little late, it was the best seat I could get, and it was close enough to the aisle that I could make a mad dash to the door once benediction was over. Score! Midway into the service, it was time for altar prayer, and while headed up there to hear the deacon say, “Jesus…Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. What’s his name? JESUS,” I was met with kind smiles and hands pulling me to get things off of my chest by talking to the Lord. But when I got to my seat and sat down, I was met with some disdain by the lady sitting next to me.

As the choir began to sing, and I walked past my pew neighbor with my butt in her face (not that close though) and with an “excuse me” sent her way. When I finally sat back down, she turned to me and said, “Dear, just so you know, when you walk past people to sit down, you shouldn’t put your backside to them like that.” She flashed me a quick grin and went back to listening to the choir. When I told my friend later what happened and asked if there was a right way to move past people, we both agreed that her etiquette lesson probably wasn’t all that necessary in the middle of church after I was in good spirits post-altar call. And oh yeah, butt is probably the best option. But then it made me think: what really is the right way to move past someone who is seated? Do I give them the crotch or the booty?

Both options aren’t that pretty either way. Give someone the butt and you can only hope that they’ll sit back and not be bothered, but give someone the crotch as you walk past and you run the risk of falling backwards and busting someone in the back of the head with your ample buttocks. Plus, how do you balance yourself when you’re walking…eh…crotch first? You have nothing to hold on to, and if you trip for some reason, the person you’re moving past will have another reason to have an attitude. It’s a lose-lose situation, but for years, booty first is probably the only way I’ve seen people move past one another in tight seated spaces. And in all honesty, if you don’t want my butt or my crotch in your face, why don’t you do us both a solid and stand up when I’m trying to move past you? Or at least help a sistah out and do the knee turn? As much as this woman wanted to set me straight about what I should have done when I came back from an emotional prayer, I could have told her to how nice it would have been had she made an effort to help me move through the pews without her knees pushing into my calves. But I didn’t. Why? Because it wasn’t that serious whatsoever, which is what I wish this woman would have realized. But hey, I did take a few things from her lesson. Maybe next time I move through a packed aisle at church, at an arena or a movie theater, I’ll be sure to get my flight attendant on and ask them what they’d like to view: Would you like a** or crotch today?

(Replace a** with booty in church of course…)

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  • Jamie

    If on the receiving end I think it would be best to get up and let them by cause I don’t know where their butt or crotch been the night before!

  • Likklebit

    I move out the way so the person can pass, if I’m at either end of the pew. If not, I shift my legs as much as possible and turn my face to the side.

  • Kayo Halana Malie

    When I have to move past someone and decide to put my butt toward their front, I’ll just move my bag to the back of me so that they get my bag in their face. Or, if I decide to have my front facing them, I’ll then put my bag in front of my crotch so that again, my bag is in their face.

    Because men objectify the hell out of women and get excited at the sight of a woman’s butt, I make sure to do a frontward, side motion when getting past a man.

  • Candacey Doris

    The person in being moved past should stand up so it isn’t an issue. But you should face them in order to apologize politely as you move past either way.

  • LR

    I was told by my Public Speaking professor that you always face the person when you are crossing over them… Before him, I had never heard a rule either way, but as long as said person has no body odors, I don’t care…

  • The proper way is to actually face the person that you are moving past.
    There really wasn’t anything wrong with her sharing that with you in church…that’s what the older ladies and gentlemen in the church used to try to teach the young ladies and young gentlemen,so they would know how to adapt to other social situations.

    • MLS2698

      So the answer is crotch, huh? Either way, it’s still uncomfortable. So, I would suggest taking the back pew because all of the “church girls” have taken up the front pews in their short skirts anyway. And BTW, some of those older people used to be church girls!

  • kansasfangirl

    Great article first of all (and not at all an article for a “slow day”). My mother schooled me on the art of walking in front of someone long ago. She told me it had more to do with when I crossed in front of a gentleman, and that for that reason I needed not to put my butt in his face but to do the most appropriate thing by doing the crotch walk. She said that it had more to do with not “enticing the man”, then anything thing. Now, was it right for the woman to talk to you about this after your alter experience? Absolutely not! She should have been focusing on (and rejoicing in) the fact that a soul was either saved or uplifted by the alter experience, not worried on things that can be corrected with time. But we all must remember that not everyone in church is saved, we should be but we all aren’t Don’t stop going just because of that experience (and anyone who encourages you to do so is focusing on the wrong thing). Just keep going and keep your focus on your purpose being there and avoid the outlandishness of some of the flock!

  • MLS2698

    Just be on time next Sunday! Better yet, just stay home since you like to make a ” mad dash ” to get out. Cause really, some of those “filled to capacity” churches have a bunch of devils in them. The proof: the old church biddy who tried to give you a lesson during service!

    • MNEditor2

      Hey now, I love me some church, lol. It’s just that it can be like a slow funeral procession to get out when service ends and I’m leaving Harlem trying to head all the way back to Brooklyn so I already have a looooong train ride ahead of me. 🙂

      • Likklebit

        Heeheeheehee!!! hush, I hope u took snacks.

      • MLS2698

        I hear ya! Unless you have an outta this world booty, I wouldn’t worry. Some of those 99 rules only on Sunday church goers get on my nerves.

  • Nikki

    Honestly, I don’t want to say “Excuse me” over and over again. If people filled in the seats when they first got there, we wouldn’t have these problem. Although, if you have to get up I say give them the crotch because you don’t want your boobs smacking someone in the back of the head.

  • i give them my hip. i’m very short so i can squeeze myself pass anyone and i’m not small in size either.

    • Lexi

      Sideway/hipway. You don’t have to go butt or crotch on a person to walk thru an aisle

      • “you don’t have to go butt or crotch on a person…”! 😀

  • Cleo

    Lol lucky for me I’m super slim so I just walk straight through.

  • NicPal

    Its sad to say but I do not like most of the people I go to church with so its the “butt” for me. Lord forgive me…….

  • Wow

    The person should try to turn their legs to the side or raise up so that you won’t have to put your butt in their face. But in those tight spaces someone is going to probably get both. If the person in your row is getting butt in the face the person in the seat in front of you is getting crotch and probably boob to the back of the head. It’s a no win situation just keep saying excuse me, pardon me, excuse me until you get to your seat.

    • Miss K

      I say face the person, so all intentions are clear by your facial expression and quiet “excuse me’s” lol

  • Amber

    Ok are you reading my mind?! Because I thought about this Sunday. I usually butt my way through but Irandomly noticed a few folk in church get through the aisle the crotch way. Idk the right answer but I prefer butt and I make sure to squeeze in so as not to have it all out there lol.

  • Reese

    I try y best to slide sideways. But if I had to chose my butt. LOL, I always try to send on the end.

  • Lexi

    Ewwww no. The trick is to slide on in kind of side ways so its not awkward.. Who doesn’t know that?

    • MNEditor2

      Can you elaborate? When you say walk in side ways, how do you do so when you’re moving past multiple people in a tight aisle when their legs are in the way? In a tight space I don’t think that’s possible for real, you have to go in flat (crotch or butt).

      • Lexi

        You can instead of walking in the aisle not turn your body directly to the front or backo of the person and slightly turn sideways so you don’t touch up against the person in front of you or behind you. Its doable. You don’t have to go in flat. Thats rude

        • Likklebit

          Depends on the amount of space you’re working with. If it’s roomy then u r good to go, but if the space is narrow, well then…..