An Iffy Friend Isn’t A Friend At All: How You Know When It’s Time To Let ‘Em Go

October 18, 2012  |  
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We’ve all been there; sitting at the edge of our beds, thinking over all the situations where a certain girlfriend has exhibited questionable behavior. You try to shake the doubts and quell all concerns, but you can’t help but think there’s just something about her. Whether you just met homegirl at the job or you’ve known her since you were 12, she’s the type of bud that makes you question if you can really call her a “friend” at all. Her red flag-raising—and sometimes infuriating—antics keep you on guard, causing you to stay on the lookout for cues and hints, anything to confirm that you need to let her go. Well, if any of these descriptions apply to ol’ girl, it may just be time to call the “friendship” quits.

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She’s Immature

Lord knows when the two of you get together, you have a ball! But your partner-in-crime is on the verge of 30 and still behaves in a manner parallel to that of a high school freshman. Her behavior is so ridiculous, that at times, you pile on the lies just to avoid her popping up to any event that requires adult-like mannerisms, sophistication or class. Whatever the case, if girlfriend has a maturity level that makes your blood boil or veins pop, you’ve outgrown her. And if she can’t catch up, maybe you should move it right along.

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She’s Not Reliable

Every Saturday, you slip into your sexiest dress and strap on your baddest pumps, waiting for that phone call to let you know your girl is on her way, hyped, and ready to steal the night. Instead, you’re hit with a text that reads something like, “Sorry, I’m not gonna make it this time. I was so excited about going out tonight, but [insert excuse here].” It never fails. She’s the type that you can never depend on, whether it’s because of constant cancellations or the inability to provide get-me-out-of-a-jam loans or support. Since you rarely see her because she’s always backing out of everything you plan, it might be best to keep the distance between you two.

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She’s Way Too Jealous

She criticizes everything that you do, and not in a good way, but in the frown-up-your-face-toot-your-nose kind of way. Anytime someone adorns you with a compliment, she’s right there to shoot you down with a condemnation. Whenever you accomplish something big, you can count on this little hater never being there to cheer you on with congratulations, celebrations or applause, or being there to find a way to steal your shine. We’re all human, and green eyes are expected in all of us from time to time, but if her jealousy is the kind that robs you of your joy, run and run fast!

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There’s No Reciprocity

Whenever you dig into your pockets, all you find is pennies, lint and old gum wrappers.  Why? Because you just gave Keisha your last $40 to fill up her tank. But if you need 50 cents to pay for that candy bar you’ve been craving all day, the just-got-paid Keisha looks at you like an alien with two heads. The same Keisha who runs to you whenever she’s going through tough times and needs some advice, but when the roles are reversed, she’s nowhere to be found. All you do is give, give, give, but you never receive. Reality check: homegirl is selfish, or, even worse, you’re being used. Either way, no bueno.

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She Dogs Other Friends When In Your Presence

Every time she’s around, you have to hear about Lisa’s debt, Tonya’s bad weave and Tina’s messy makeup. She talks about her friends so badly, you’d think they all slept with her man. What does this mean? Girlfriend is the sneaky, disloyal, smile in your face, stab you in your back uber-shady type of woman. And if she’s dogging other friends to you, you better believe that your name is being dragged through the mud when you’re not around.

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She’s Controlling

She wants to know where you were, who you were with and why you never answered the phone when she called last night. This woman wants to control everything you do, from the way that you dress and talk, to who you decide to give your love to. If it’s to the point where her nagging, demands and clingy-ness makes you uncomfortable, fearful or annoyed, let her go. Everyone always talks about possessive boyfriends, but controlling friends are a reality and they are just as bad.

She Never Reaches Out

You don’t see her that often, and things just aren’t how they used to be. Every once in awhile, she may send you messages on Facebook and Twitter, professing how much she misses you and wants to catch up, but you never receive phone calls and visits—not even texts. Whenever you reach out to her, you end up getting her voicemail, and rarely does she call back. So much for missing you. Bottom line is, she’s moved along, and it’s time for you to do the same.

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